A Google user
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I wish I could give this story four stars instead of two, but the author
should have spent more time on this rough draft. The main characters
weren't fully thought out in how they thought, viewed the world, and
ultimately acted based off of experience the author detailed. The overall
plot didn't have holes to pick at, just how the characters behaved. Yes I
am constantly repeating this, because it was the greatest flaw in this
story that has so much potential to actually be good (dare I be bold and
say great even). The other huge flaw with the story is the lack of keeping
to separating the viewpoints of the characters in segments. I was able to
keep up with the different view points smashing together, but I kept
thinking how it would have been better had the author separated the
viewpoints. I had to constantly remind myself that Merreik didn't know at
first that Chris wasn't female. By separating the viewpoints, the author
would have had greater clarity on which characters thought what, mystery
would have heightened in suspense, and sexual tension would have had the
audience gasping for far more than what probably felt in this rough draft.
I really would love for this story to be rewritten.
10 people found this review helpful
Tiffany Huang
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I couldn't get through the first 20 pages because the writing was at such an elementary level. There are multiple other reviewers that point this and other flaws out so I've saved myself some time, thankfully. I wanted to like it for the concept but I'm losing brain cells trying to keep a clear viewpoint to follow the plot. If you can make it through the whole thing, then I applaud you.
Ese .Munu
The main character supposedly comes from humble origins, in those days poor children were not as innocent and clueless as Chris was, just way too clueless to the point of being annoying. It sounded like a man in a relationship with a child!! Also too wordy, I was like get to the point already, make every word count!! I found myself skipping through paragraphs. The story started on a good note and just went downhill from there! No imagination! Certainly won't be reading the series. Thank God it was free!
12 people found this review helpful