Arcane Bullshit is a powerful fortune-telling system that makes unlocking the forbidden secrets of the shadowy future-scape safe*, easy**, and FUN† for everyone!!!‡
Just like your favourite Tarot, Lenormand, or Pokemon card decks, ARCANE BULLSHIT can help you to peer into the inky abyss of your own fate! Follow the simple step-by-step prompts to read the cards, and ARCANE BULLSHIT will answer all of your weirdest personal queries! Use the text describing each card to guide you as you decipher the hidden mysteries of the future, or use your own bullshit intuition and just make shit up! ARCANE BULLSHIT is guaranteed to illuminate your past, reveal your future, and waste your present!
BUT WAIT! If you love ARCANE BULLSHIT, why not purchase a physical deck?? Follow the BUY link in the app's ABOUT section to learn more!
*Use of Arcane Bullshit is not recommended for clerics, bishops, sapient dolls, anyone born before 1960, nieces, recent grads, cherubs, or non-virgins. Consult a physician immediately if you experience mind-rending hallucinations lasting longer than 6 hours, or your fingernails turn into soap.
**For best results, set up a wicker tent in your den, home office, or wherever dark and unspeakable rites are performed. Consecrate the tent with koala tears and vermouth. Kneel on a balsa rod for no more than 66 seconds. Do not attempt to use Arcane Bullshit without a level 36 ectoplasmic shield, and a 4" brass toad.
†Arcane Bullshit is an absolutely serious and horrifying conduit to forgotten realms of incomprehensible illumination. Enjoy responsibly under the supervision of a qualified shaman.
‡Arcane Bullshit is an incredibly grave and sophisticated divination system, steeped in potent and unfathomable meaning, and intended for the solemn contemplation of initiated disciples only. Ages 9 and up.
††Arcane Bullshit is not a substitute for bathing.