新新水木 - 原“水木人”

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如果一个人的初恋沉闷且冗长,不知算不算很奇怪。

高三的时候,别人还忙得昏天黑日,我父母就早早地替我办全了出国手续,只等我领到毕业证去美利坚了。我们班上有个人称大P的男生特别能说,一般播音时间是早自习“体育快递”,课间插播“时政要闻”,午间休“评书连播”,晚自习“古典音乐”,可每次考试他总有本事晃晃悠悠蹭到前几名。班主任拿他没办法,只好让他在最后一排和我这个“逍遥人”一起“任逍遥”。 那时候大P又黑又瘦面目狰狞,读英文像《狮子王》里的土狼,背古诗像刚中了举的范进。真的,后来我们逛动物园,猴子见到他都“吱吱”乱跑,他倒来劲了,拍我的头冲猴儿们介绍:“这是我的宝贝!”我也没含糊,告诉他:“别喊了,看你的二大妈们都被你吓跑了。”这是后话了。

刚和我一桌的时候,有天晚自习他大唱《我的太阳》,我在一旁偷着喝可乐, 唱到高音时他突然转头问了一句“嗓子怎么样”,我嘴里含着水差点全喷了,气得我重捶了他好几下。他却跟没事人似的,说我打人的姿势不对所以不够狠。我叫他教我,他到挺认真,还叫我拿他开练。第二天上学见着我他头一句就是:“十三妹,昨儿你打我那几拳都紫啦。”边说还边捋袖子叫我看。

后来我想,这段感情大概就是从这儿开始的吧。 以后大P一直叫我十三妹。我跟大P的交情在相互抵毁和自我吹捧的主题下愈加巩固。他生活在一个聒噪的世界里,总要发出各种各样的声响来引起别人的注 意,好像这样就能证明他自己什么似的。我习惯了他这样,习惯了看他自己给自己出洋相,习惯了和他一天到晚吵吵闹闹。常常是上课我替他对答案他趴着睡觉 ;吃饭我吃瘦肉他吃肥肉因为他需要“营养”;打架他不管输赢我统统拍手称快;自习我背单词他用函数计算我的失忆率为88.7%;放学走在楼道里我们还要大呼小叫地互相嘲笑一番。 我们像哥们儿似的横行高三年级,要多默契有多默契。

我听过一种说法,每个人都是一段弧,能刚好凑成一个圆圈的两个人是一对 ,那时我特别相信这句话。我越来越感到我和大P的本质是一模一样的--简单直接 ,毫无避讳。我自信比谁都了解他,因为他根本就是我自己嘛。有回我对大P说: “我好像在高三呆了一辈子。” 我没理会大P大叫我“天山童姥”,我心里有个念头,这念头关乎天长地久。

高三毕了业,大P还是我哥们儿。现在回想起来我们之间其实从来没有牵涉过感情问题,因为我当时觉得好多事没有说出来的必要。我认定了如果我喜欢他那么他肯定也喜欢我,因为我找到了我那半个圆圈,我以为这就是缘分,任谁也分不开,哪怕千回百转。临走时大P说:“别得意,搞不好折腾了几年还是我们俩。”

这是我听到他说的最后一句话,我永远都忘不了。

那年高考,大P进了北大。而我刚到洛杉矶,隔壁的中餐馆就发生爆炸,我家半面墙都没了。我搬家,办了一年休学,给大P发了一封E-MAIL只有三个字“我搬了”,没告诉他我新家的电话。

新家的邻居有一对聋哑夫妇,家里的菜园是整个街区最好的。他们常送些新鲜蔬菜,我妈烧好了就叫他们过来吃。我从来没见过这么恩爱的一对儿,有时候他们打手语,我看着看着就会想起那一个圆圈来,想起大P,心里一阵痛。我买了本书,花了一个秋天自己学了手语。就这样我慢慢进入了这个毫无声息的世界。 他们听不见,只能用密切的注视来感应对方,那么平和从容,这是不得安生的大P永远不能理解的世界。

我闲来无事,除了陪陪邻居练手语外,就是三天两头地往篮球馆跑,替大P收集NBA球员签名或者邮去本最新的卡通画报,感动得他在邮件上连写了十几个P,还主动坦白正在追女生。我呆坐在电脑前一个下午,反反复复跟自己说一句话“别哭别哭这又没什么不好”,可到了吃晚饭的时候,我已经流不出眼泪了。爸妈早就习惯了我这副精神恍惚的样子,什么也没问。

再往后讲就是春天了。我还是老样子,只是手语有专业水准了,大P在我这个“爱情导师”的悉心指导下,已初战告捷。我想,只要他快乐,我就也该快乐,能做他的哥们儿,也不错。纽约交响乐团要来演出,我背着父母替别人剪草坪,忙了一个月才攒够门票钱。我偷偷把小型录音机带了进去,给大P灌了张LIVE版的古典音乐。大P回信时却抱怨我只顾听音乐会,第一盘早录完了都不知道,漏了一大段。

我在心里默念着对不起对不起,眼泪又流了出来。 6月份我回北京,大P参加的辩论赛刚好决赛。我不想让他知道我回来,悄悄溜进了会场。这一年来大P变得人五人六儿了,他总结陈辞时所有人都又笑又鼓掌的,我知道他发挥得很好, 我早就知道。辩论结束,大P他们赢了。下场时我看见一个长得挺清秀的女孩笑着朝大P迎了过去。但那一刻我知道,大P需要的是有人临头给他一盆冷水,这样才不至于得意而忘了形,我知道,但这已不重要。

回美国后我的信箱里有两封是大P的。第一封说他在辩论决赛场上看见一个人跟我简直一模一样,他叫十三妹那人没理他,可见不是了,不过能像成这样,真是奇了。第二封说他现在的女朋友虽好,但总感觉两人之间隔着什么,问我怎么我们俩就可以直来直去呢?

我在电脑上打了一封回信,告诉他其实我才是他的那半个圆圈,只是我们再也没有办法凑成一个圆。 这封信我存着没发。

我没有告诉大P我家的电话。

我总能很容易地得到球星签名。

我背着父母赚钱看演奏,连磁带录完了都不知道。

我不想让大P知道我回了北京。

我就这样无声无息地放弃了我的半个圆圈。

因为,中餐馆爆炸后,我只有靠助听器生活了。

--
by Shale 水木清华BBS
If a person's first love is dull and lengthy, I don't know if it is very strange.

In the third year of high school, others were still busy with dark days. My parents had gone through the formalities for going abroad for me early, only waiting for me to get a diploma to go to the United States. In our class, there are people in the class who say that the big P boys can say that the general broadcast time is early self-study "sports express", inter-sessional "political news", midday break "book story", evening self-study "classical music", every time He always has the ability to sway to the top few. The class teacher couldn’t help him, so he had to let him be in the last row with my "Happy People". At that time, the big P was black and thin, and he read English like the coyotes in "The Lion King", and the ancient poems were like Fan Jin. Really, after we went to the zoo, the monkey saw him running around, and he ran away. He shot my head and said to the monkeys: "This is my baby!" I am not vague, tell him "Don't shout, see your two aunts are scared away by you." This is a follow-up.

When I was at the table with me, I sang "My Sun" by myself. I stole Coke on the side. When I sang high notes, he suddenly turned around and asked "How is the scorpion"? The water almost squirted, and I was so angry that he repeated him several times. He is like nothing, saying that my posture is not right, so it is not enough. I told him to teach me, he was very serious, and told me to take him to practice. The next day I saw him at school. His first sentence was: "Thirteen sisters, you punched me with a few punches yesterday."

Later I thought that this relationship probably started from here. In the future, Big P always called me 13 sisters. My friendship with Big P has strengthened under the theme of mutual destruction and self-promotion. He lives in a noisy world, always making a variety of sounds to draw attention from others, as if he can prove himself. I am used to him like this, used to seeing himself to give himself a foreign appearance, getting used to making noises with him all day long. I often go to class for him. He is sleeping on his stomach. When I eat lean meat, he eats fat because he needs “nutrition”; when he fights, he doesn’t care whether he wins or not, I clap my hands quickly; I study my words and use my function to calculate my amnesia rate. It is 88.7%; we are going to sneer at each other while we are leaving the corridor. We are like a buddy who is in the third grade and has a tacit understanding.

I have heard a saying that everyone is an arc. Two people who can just make up a circle are a pair. I especially believed this sentence. I feel more and more that I am exactly the same as Big P - simple and straightforward, no evasive. I am confident that I know him better than anyone else, because he is me. I went back to the big P and said, "I seem to have stayed in my senior year for a lifetime." I ignored the big P and called me "Tianshan nursery rhymes". I have a thought in my heart. This thought is about forever.

The third year of the high school, the big P is my buddy. Looking back now, we have never been involved in emotional issues, because I felt that many things were not necessary. I decided that if I like him then he definitely likes me too, because I found my half circle, I thought it was fate, no one can tell, even if it is a thousand turns. When leaving, Big P said: "Don't be proud, it won't be a toss for a few years or two of us."

This is the last sentence I heard him say, I will never forget it.

That year's college entrance examination, the big P entered the Peking University. And when I first arrived in Los Angeles, the Chinese restaurant next door exploded, and my half of the wall was gone. I moved, I had a year off, and I sent an E-mail to Big P with only three words "I moved" and didn't tell him the phone number of my new home.

The neighbors of the new family have a couple of deaf and dumb, and the vegetable garden at home is the best in the entire neighborhood. They often send some fresh vegetables, and when my mother burns it, they will come over to eat. I have never seen such a loving couple. Sometimes they use sign language. When I look at it, I will think of that circle. I think of Big P, and my heart hurts. I bought a book and spent a fall learning the sign language myself. In this way, I slowly entered this silent world. They can't hear, they can only use the close gaze to sense each other, so calm and calm, this is a world that can't be understood by the big P that can't be safe.

I have nothing to do, except to accompany the neighbors to practice sign language, it is to go to the basketball hall for three days, collect the NBA player signature for the big P or mail the latest cartoon pictorial, and moved him to write more than a dozen on the mail. P, but also actively confessed to chasing girls. I sat in front of the computer one afternoon, and repeatedly said to myself, "Don't cry, don't cry, there is nothing wrong with it." When I got dinner, I couldn't shed tears. My parents have long been accustomed to my mental state, and I have not asked anything.

It’s spring again. I am still the same, but the sign language has a professional level, and the big P has won the first battle under the careful guidance of my "love tutor". I think, as long as he is happy, I should be happy too, can be his buddy, not bad. The New York Symphony Orchestra is coming to perform. I am carrying my parents to cut the lawn for others. I have been busy for a month before I have enough money for the tickets. I secretly brought in the small tape recorder and poured a LIVE version of classical music to Big P. When I replied to the big P, I complained that I only listened to the concert. I didn’t know the first recording, but I missed a big paragraph.

I am sorry in my heart, sorry, sorry, tears flowed out again. I returned to Beijing in June, and the big P participated in the debate just in the final. I didn't want him to know that I was coming back and sneaked into the venue. In the past year, Big P has become a five-person, six-person. When he summed up his remarks, everyone laughed and applauded. I know that he played very well, I already knew. The debate ended and the big P they won. When I was off the court, I saw a pretty girl who smiled and greeted the big P. But at that moment, I knew that what Big P needed was someone who gave him a cold water, so that he would not be smug and forget the shape. I know, but it is not important.

After returning to the United States, two of my mailboxes were big P. The first one said that he saw a person in the finals of the debate. He was exactly the same as me. He called the 13-sister who ignored him. It was not obvious, but it was amazing. The second said that his current girlfriend is good, but always feels the gap between the two, ask me how can we both go straight?

I wrote a reply on the computer and told him that I was actually his half circle, but we could no longer make a round. I have not saved this letter.

I didn't tell the big P my home phone.

I can always get the star signature easily.

I am carrying my parents to make money to watch the performance, and I don’t even know when the tape is recorded.

I don't want Big P to know that I am back in Beijing.

I just gave up my half circle in silence.

Because, after the Chinese restaurant exploded, I only lived on hearing aids.

--
By Shale Shuimu Tsinghua BBS
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