Life is full of choices. Right now, yours is whether or not to download the autobiography of a mid-grade, kind of hammy actor.
Am I supposed to know this guy? you think to yourself.
No-and that's exactly the point. You can download a terabyte of books about famous actors and their high-falootin' shenanigans. I don't want to be a spoilsport, but we've all been down that road before.
Scroll down to that Judy Garland biography. You know plenty about her already-great voice, troubled life. Scroll down a little further to the Charlton Heston book. Same deal. You know his story too-great voice, troubled toupee.
The truth is that though you might not have a clue who I am-unless you watch cable very late at night-there are countless working stiffs like me out there, grinding away every day at the wheel of fortune. If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor documents my time in blue-collar Hollywood, where movies are cheap, the hours are long, and the filmmaking process can be very personal.
To keep up with the times, I've digitized Chins. It was originally published in hardcover/analog fifteen years ago, which is a vast amount of time in the evolution of books and technology, and it was time to get current.
The advance of technology is great for a book like this, which is jammed full of pictures. When it came out originally, the photographs all had to be black and white and moderately sized on the page. Now, any photo that was originally taken in color can strut its stuff.
Overall, the resolution of the images is off-the-charts better than the first go-around. This is one "sequel" that I'm happy to be a part of, since we could make so many technical improvements. The process was very similar to restoring an old movie.
Since I knew that it was going to be reissued, I also had a look at the story being told and decided to condense, move, or clarify some chapters, all or in part. I also tried to add a hint of historical context, since it has been a decade and a half since Chins first came out.
I hope you enjoy it.
Introduction by New York Times bestselling author and famous minor television personality John Hodgman
One of my dad’s favorite jokes about getting older was: “I went out for coffee when I was twenty-one and when I got back I was fifty-eight!”
I get what he meant now. Time flies. My first book, If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a "B" Movie Actor, was published back in 2001 and it chronicles the adventures of a “mid-grade, kind of hammy actor" (my words), cutting his teeth on exploitation movies far removed from mainstream Hollywood.
This next book, an “Act II” if you will, could be considered my “maturing years” in show business, when I began to say “no” more often and gravitated toward self-generated material. Taking stock in the overall quality of my life, I fled Los Angeles and moved to a remote part of Oregon to renew, regroup and reload.
If that sounds tame, the journey from Evil Dead to Spider-Man to Burn Notice was long, with plenty of adventures/mishaps along the way. I never pictured myself hovering above Baghdad in a Blackhawk helicopter, facing a pack of wild dogs in Bulgaria, or playing an aging Elvis Presley with cancer on his penis - how can you predict this stuff? The sheer lunacy of show business is part of the fun for me and I hope you'll come along for the ride.
– Bruce “Don’t Call Me Ash” Campbell
I pondered how to do that. Should I cut to the chase and reveal pivotal plot points like the one at the end of the book where the little girl on crutches points an accusing finger and shouts, "the killer is Mr. Porter"?
No. I have too much respect for you as an intelligent consumer to attempt such an obvious ruse.
But let's not play games here. You clicked your way to this page, so you either:
A. Know who I am.
B. Like the cool smoking jacket I'm wearing on the cover.
C. Thought this was a secret link to Ashley Madison.
Is it a sequel to my autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor? Sadly, no, which made it much harder to write.
Is it an "autobiographical novel"? Yes. I am the lead character in the story (coincidentally an actor), and I am a real person, and everything in the book actually happened - except for the stuff that didn't.
The action revolves around my preparations for a pivotal role in the A-list relationship film, Let's Make Love!
My Homeric attempt to break through the glass ceiling of B-grade genre fair is hampered by a vengeful studio executive and a production that becomes infected by something called the "B-movie virus" - symptoms of which include excessive use of cheesy special effects, slapstick, and projectile vomiting.
From a violent fistfight with a Buddhist to a life-altering stint in federal prison, this novel has it all.
And if the 84,951 words are too time-consuming, there are lots and lots of cool graphics – all of which have been upgraded to vibrant color since the first publication.
I hope you enjoy the book – and if you learn anything at all about making love, please share it with me!
Bruce "Go Ahead and Call Me Ash" Campbell
Unlike other investigations of the Nazi party, The SA Generals and the Rise of Nazism focuses on the military and political activities of the Brown Shirts to show how they developed into SA Leaders. By tracing the activities, both individual and collective, of these men's adult lives through 1945, Campbell shows where members acquired the experience necessary to build, lead, and administer the SA. These men were instrumental in creating the Nazi concept of "political soldiering," combining military organization with political activism.
Campbell's enlightening portrait of the SA, its history, and its relationship to the overall Nazi movement reveals how the organization's leaders reshaped the SA over time to adapt to Germany's changing political concerns.