When it comes to love, it's never too late …

"I thoroughly enjoyed this book. In fact, I hated to see it end."

"Wow, some people have the ability to make you feel the story through their words."

"..anticipated a sad story of death....but just the opposite…"

Life has the habit of delivering its perverse twists at the most unexpected times.

For Bonnie his life had been lived, and the bitter sweet memories of his wife, along with the never ending sorrow of losing his son so young remain with him, but were now ebbing slowly with the passing of the years. His days of love, warmth and tenderness well past and all that was left were his last few quiet years to grow old. Alone, yet content.

What he had done, he had done and what had happened, had. All that remained was to live out the rest of his life in a new place, far away from his checkered past. His days passing with the regularity that an old man desires and deserves. Until the dark day arrives that signals an impending end to his new found life, and with it, all sense of hope. 

In facing mortality, Bonnie resorts to using his crusty exterior and bravado to hide the frailty and fear he feels within himself, until he is presented with stark realities beyond his understanding and is forced to come face to face with his own prejudices and beliefs. In meeting Danny and Angeline, Bonnie begins to reshape his thoughts about his acceptance of those he had habitually admonished, and of the bigoted life he has lived. While Charlie and his daughter Beatrice realign his set concepts of how he has habitually rushed to judge people too quickly. 

However, it is only when Bonnie meets Madeleine that the most unexpected eventuality turns his hard held beliefs, and his very set views about life, people and love, on their head. 

Read One Last Love, only if you are looking for a very different, yet very touching romance story.

A VERY different vampire story

"I recommend reading this amusing story especially if you laugh at the zany vampire craze."

"A great mix of classic vampire lour and modern pop culture this is a great short story."

"This was a book that was a lot of fun to read."

Although Agatha is over three hundred years old, it certainly doesn’t mean that she can’t adapt and fit into ugly post-industrial small town suburbia. Partial to the delights that an evening at McDonald’s often serve her, she waits at her favourite dimly lit corner table – for her kind of take away.

Being your typical urban vampire, this means that her fare isn’t up in bright lights on the menu above the cashiers. However, she usually finds exactly what she is looking for. Her teenage beauty, long blonde hair and ice blue eyes are a temptation very few can resist.

After a long and predictable vampiric existence, trouble is afoot for Agatha. Red headed, freckled and just a little slow on the uptake sometimes, young Reggie stumbles into Agatha’s predictability and turns it on its head.

Add the over-protective and rhyming ghost of a dead poet, a snarling black wolf, some cops and Agatha’s preference for the 1980’s fashion of mini-skirts, satin halter neck tops and knotted white blouses, things just may go awry. 

Along with a couple of untimely and unfortunate deaths, and Reggie’s complete misunderstanding of anything at all that’s going on, the awry becomes a dead certainty.

Enjoy My Take Away Vampire. A very different, tasty little comedy vampire tale, but still with a little bite!

This easy to read self-publishing guide is full of advice for new, and not so new self-publishing authors.

In logical order, it takes the mystery out of self-publishing by giving clear, and often illustrated how to guides for the necessary steps involved in successful self-publishing. If you are ready to publish a new book, this ebook is a must read.

If you have already self-published, you will discover new ways to improve your book and lift your book sales by taking measures to enhance your book quality, and fine-tune your keyword and metadata selection to enable book buyers to find your book on Amazon and other retailers.

Some of the topics covered in this ebook include:

Where And How To Publish An Ebook Or Paperback

How To Self Edit And Proofread Your Manuscript

How To Prepare Your Word Manuscript For Self-Publishing

How To Format Word For Ebook Publishing

How To Add A Table Of Contents To An Ebook

How To Make An Ebook Feel More Like A Real Book

How To Convert Word To Epub And Mobi Ebook Files

How To Find A Great Book Title

How To Use Metadata Effectively

How To Use Keywords To Sell More Kindle Ebooks

How To Master Kindle Keywords - For Free

How To Make Your Amazon Book Description Stand Out

Ebook Pricing Strategies To Help Increase Unit Sales

Open Publishing or Amazon Exclusivity?

What’s The Best Way To Promote My Self-Published Book?

Seven Ways To Boost Your Author Blog Traffic

Five Simple Actions You Can Take If Your Book Is Not Selling

How To Promote Yourself As An Author

An ebook or paperback is a product, and as with any new product brought to market, quality is always going to be the winning edge. Find out how to give your ebook and book the best possible chance of success by learning how to improve the quality, discoverability and appeal before you publish.

Also learn how to promote and market your ebooks and books effectively through the use of your blog, social media and intelligent linking, as well by as by using economical, cost effective advertising.

It will not take long for you to read this useful reference guide, but the time it takes could well be an investment in your new ebook or book and provide you with many new ideas and tips that will help boost your book sales.

When being abducted once … is not enough…

"It's a great read, keeps you guessing and involved. It's also quite a deep read, exploring the structure of human and societal power structures, our drives for wealth, acceptance, power and belief." 

Langley Garrett discovers Greek gods and the myths and legends that surround the lost city of Atlantis are not ancient history to those who arrange his abduction. Within hours of being drugged and restrained, he finds himself imprisoned on a remote island, with no clue as to why he was kidnapped. 

The Sons of Cleito, a mysterious group whose ideology and beliefs are guided by Greek mythology, believe he is a spirit, crucial to their future, and immediately begin his indoctrination process – starting with explicit evidence that his wife is not only a member of The Sons, but also that she is an adulteress, and has been working with their enemies to destroy The Sons of Cleito. 

Yet, before he has time to understand the ugly truth about his wife, he is abducted once again during a violent commando raid on the island and is rushed aboard a submarine for questioning - about his wife, and a long forgotten letter from his dead mother. Garrett learns very quickly that he is in deep trouble, but has no clue as to why he is being accused of involvement in an international terrorist organisation. Later however, after weeks of interrogation and beatings in a desert prison, all he knows with any degree of certainty, is that he will be lucky to stay alive for very much longer. 

Read about Langley Garret’s abductions, mysterious misfortunes, Greek mythology, gods, deities and eternal secrets – and why history can only ever repeat, in Eyes That Could Kill, a mystery thriller. 

Originally published in two books: The Sons of Cleito and The Few. This is the complete story of Langley Garret's abductions in one book.

Empires rise, yet only by sowing the seeds for their downfall

The Economic Apocalypse arrives with biting venom, rapidly turning paradise into hell for those who are unfortunate enough not to be among the very few, who selfishly enrich themselves by profiting from the misery of others. It signals the beginning of the end for an empire built on greed, and for the new poor, they are sentenced to suffer the consequences.

Nathan Smith and his father, endure long, hard and tough times in a small forgotten outer suburb – yet Nathan refuses to bow to the will of the wave of evil that spreads across the country. 

Instead, he thumbs his nose at the new dictatorial regime, defying their cameras and surveillance, as well as their black-suited thugs.

He taunts the government brutes; even inviting an occasional beating, because by doing so he can lay claim to small personal victories – and the opportunity to supply the thugs with what they desperately want. Drugs.

When money becomes worthless, Nathan learns to play both sides, and to trade in booze, cigarettes and drugs to survive – and to keep the thugs at bay. With the help of an unlikely ally, Nathan becomes a small-time stock keeper of all that is valuable, and tradable. Yet with his new venture comes risks and dangers that he fails to fully understand. 

While life after the apocalypse is tough, unjust and sometimes even brutal, Nathan never bows his head to anyone and refuses to give in to the surveillance, intimidation and threats.

Until that is, he is suddenly implicated in the murder of a government agent, which puts a very hasty end, not only to his thriving business operation – but also to his long, yet awkward relationship with Julia, as he is forced on the run, with danger lurking at every turn.

His only hope of survival rests with the Rider, but is he friend, or foe?

God Has Gone Fishing – A dark, disturbing and dramatic dystopian thriller

When being abducted once ... is not enough... 

"This book represents the meaning of a "Mystery" Well written with a great plot, I thoroughly enjoyed it. 

"The plot is completely unpredictable, every time you think you have finally got it figured out it throws another curve ball your way." 

Langley Garret's Sunday morning starts very badly after waking with a hangover and a depressed feeling of worthlessness, along with a foreboding sensation in his gut. With his wife working away yet again, and the realisation that their marriage is probably very close to an end, and that his life is slowly ebbing away, he ponders his misfortune. 

As he decides to start accepting that his life just couldn't get any worse, over his breakfast of coffee, cold pizza and orange juice, it does, when his miserable, quiet and lonely Sunday morning is interrupted by some very nasty people who have orders to abduct him. 

Within hours of being questioned, captured, drugged and restrained, he finds himself dumped onto a small remote island, with no idea at all why he was taken bodily from his apartment on a tranquil Sunday morning, or why he is sitting alone on a rock, with only his suitcase and a pleasant view of sunrise across the water for company. 

As with all mysteries, it takes some time for Langley to learn a little about why he was abducted, but before he has time to start digesting that limited knowledge, his second abduction a few days later has him totally confused, and all at sea. 

Find out more about Langley Garret's abduction and mysterious misfortunes, Greek mythology, gods and deities, secrets, and some more very nasty people, in The Sons of Cleito, and the sequel, The Few. 

All Three Glothic Tales in a very BIG Book!

Since that fateful decision was made to descend from the trees, stand on two legs and eat fewer bananas, humans have looked back on the decision with regret. It was at that moment in time, when we began feeling that we were being controlled. By who, why and how is today, just as much of a mystery as then. 

The Glothic Tales attempt to answer this mystery once and for all, by detailing, the truth behind the truth, and the lies behind the lies. From the days of our free tree ancestors and their unfortunate enslavement, through to early beliefs of a higher authority, usually up in the sky somewhere, and then onto more organised, tyrannical and mysterious oppressors. 

The insidious links between church and state, heaven and Earth, and why salmon and calendars were so important in all of this is explained in depth.

Book 1 - February The Fifth 

After the sudden and mysterious death of his father, a young fool becomes the ruler of twelve whole sun systems, and quickly discovers he has some very nasty enemies. Particularly the ones, who start shooting at him. 

"Author Derek Haines has truly outdone himself with this fabulous story of a very unlucky young man." 

"...insanely imaginative...intensely insightful...just plain fun." 

A young man with a lot not going for him, manages to come to terms with a startling reality. He has to grow up. Being handicapped by not only having acne and an odd eye impediment, he also suffers the fact that his name is February. 

Thrust unwillingly into a position of authority by early afternoon, February finds himself with a new appendage tacked on to the end his name. 

The Fifth. The new, authoritative part of his name. February The Fifth and Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth. 

By bedtime, he thinks he is in trouble. 

Before lunchtime the next day, he is sure. 

Book 2 - The Adventures of HAL 

"This hilarious sequel to "February the Fifth" shows Derek Haines at his absolute best." 

"It's a mad world on Gloth as experienced through the eyes of Halbert Hoop, Hal to the reader." 

Millions of years before February The Fifth, Gloth was making a nice little profit from the planet Erde, with the help of some cunning Popes and the very secret Camera Stellata – known also as the Star Chamber. 

Being disowned by his father and booted out of his family manor in England, then transported off to the distant sun drenched shores of Australia didn’t sound like a bad punishment for Hal. 

Idyllic, yet, as often happens, when you think things are perfect, something comes along to throw a spanner in the works. In Hal’s case, his life gets hit my a number of airborne wrenches. Then when he thinks things are are about as bad as they can get, they of course get a lot worse. 

Book 3 - Septimity and the Blood Brotherhood 

"Derek Haines entertains his readers with his two most amazing traits. First is his sense of humor, and second is his strength of building his characters even if they look like lizards!" 

"Septimity - The Blood Brotherhood is another brilliant laugh penned by Derek." 

Long after HAL and February, the Gregorian Royal Family gene pool has degenerated so badly that the next Supreme Potentate of Gloth is destined to be be a boy idiot, whose father died racing him to the Palace garden. His father won the race by jumping from the Palace roof screaming, 'I win! I win!' just before meeting his death on a brick pathway alongside a beautiful bed of roses. 

The death however, provides Septimity and his brothers the chance to enact Ichor. Planned for eons, their dream is to return a pure blood Glothian to the position of Supreme Potentate and rid Gloth of all the embarrassing Erdean genes that had infected their planet for almost ever. 

Get all three hilarious books in The Glothic Tales.

February The Fifth - The First Glothic Tale

A young fool becomes king and quickly discovers he has some very nasty enemies. Particularly the ones who are shooting at him. 

In a remarkable turn of events, a young man with a lot definitely not going for him, somehow manages to come to terms with a startling reality. He has to grow up. Being handicapped by not only having rather nasty acne and an odd eye impediment, he also has to suffer the fact that his name is February. Or at best, Feb to his very limited number of friends.

While not at all wishing to rush into this startling new reality, circumstances and a few elbow nudges from his very protective elder sister ensure that his ‘not at all wishing’ turns out to be a complete waste of time. Thrust totally and altogether unwillingly into a position of authority by early afternoon, February finds himself with a new appendage tacked on to the end his name. 

The Fifth. The new and very authoritative part of his name.

Of course, as is the case in all such rapid and thrusting types of promotion to positions of power, there will be those who are not happy about it. In February’s case however, he finds that in fact these those amount to just about everyone apart from his three sisters. 

Undaunted by this reality, Feb accepts his new responsibility and by early evening sets about getting himself into a real tangle. His only true achievement being that he discovers that quite a few of these those who weren’t so happy, are in fact really very upset about the whole Fifth appendage deal. By bedtime, he thinks he is in trouble.

Before lunchtime the next day, he is sure.

The Glothic Tales Trilogy: February The Fifth is the first book in the Glothic Tales trilogy and is followed by The Adventures of HAL in book two and Septimity and The Blood Brotherhood in book three.

The very unexpected fourth book in The Glothic Tales Trilogy

‘Quick March, the planet Earth needs to be saved!

Not from alien attack, nuclear destruction or even being hit by a misguided comet. No, Earth needs to be saved from making millions of years of painful losses for Gloth, and it falls to March Gregorian, eldest son and heir to February the Twenty-Ninth, the Supreme Potentate of the Twelve Sun Systems of Gloth to find a way to finally make Earth profitable.

The obvious starting point in such a difficult assignment is of course to do some quick research and then ascertain the most lucrative tradable commodity a planet has to offer. Once that is clear, simply arrange to export whole lot more of it and the problem is solved.

As March prepares to make his first journey to Earth, he is sure he knows which Earth product will solve the problem.


Unfortunately for March, all does not go well on the Salmon front, and he discovers all too quickly that Earth is not an easy place to manage, understand, or to squeeze a profit from. 

Faced with losing face with his father by returning to Gloth empty handed, March fears that his salmon failure may lead to serious doubts about his ability to remain heir to the Supreme Potentate.

Luckily however, his fears of losing his right to the throne evaporate in a flash when he stumbles upon a remarkable alternative solution.


Don’t panic if you haven’t read the first three Glothic Tales, as all is explained in March, so you won’t miss a trick.

Read March, the hum along, foot tapping, fourth, hilarious Glothic Tale.

 Great question. The answer is so splendidly simple. This book is about anything, everything and nothing. It is an ideal companion on a bus or train, where regular interruptions are guaranteed, as every part of this book is very, very short. Ideal also for parents of young children who get interrupted a lot by screaming, crying and toilet training. Great too for those with a limited attention span. Another terrific attribute of this book is that it is either cheap or free. This A or B choice is yours depending on where you source this book from. If you had to choose option A, it was not my fault. It was the distributer who ripped you off. While on this subject of price, I should point out that this book is only available for free in electronic formats. The reasoning is that no trees are destroyed in the process. No chlorine, bleach, potassium or nuclear material is dumped into the environment as a result of paper manufacturing and therefore I have a much clearer conscience. As well as that, this e-book contains the mindless meanderings of an ageing Australian male lost in the alpine paradise of Switzerland, which in itself is probably enough pollution anyway. However, due to a number of requests, which by a number, I don’t mean a huge number by any means, I have given in to my environmental and economic highhanded attitude and ego too, and released this book in an environmentally damaging paperback. It’s still cheap though! If you have already scanned through some of the chapter titles, you will have noticed that there is certainly no rhyme, logic or theme in this book. The reason for this is that each short utterance captures my thoughts on a singular day during one silly twelve-month period of my life. Since I wrote this book, each passing twelve months has been just as silly, but I think documenting one of them is enough. So get ready for a wild ride, or, ask for a refund now and read no further.
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