Uno psicologo e un medico uniscono le proprie forze per affrontare una delle tendenze più allarmanti e fraintese del nostro tempo: i coetanei che prendono il posto dei genitori nella vita dei figli. Il dottor Neufeld ha dato a questo fenomeno il nome di “orientamento ai coetanei”, riferendosi con esso al fatto che bambini e ragazzi tendono a rivolgersi ai coetanei per avere indicazioni rispetto ai valori, al senso di ciò che è giusto o sbagliato, all’identità e ai codici di comportamento. Ma questo orientarsi ai coetanei deteriora la coesione familiare, impedisce un sano sviluppo del bambino, avvelena l’atmosfera scolastica, e favorisce la crescita di una cultura giovanile aggressiva, ostile e sessualizzata. Questo libro aiuta i genitori – insieme con gli insegnanti e gli operatori sociali – a comprendere la natura inquietante del fenomeno e fornisce soluzioni per ristabilire la giusta preminenza del legame spontaneo che unisce genitori e figli. I concetti, i princìpi, e i consigli pratici in esso contenuti daranno ai genitori il potere e la forza di essere per i propri figli ciò che la natura ha inteso: la fonte vera di contatto, sicurezza e calore.

Gordon Neufeld, PH.D., è psicologo clinico a Vancouver, e ha trascorso gran parte della sua vita professionale dedicandosi all’elaborazione di teorie coerenti in grado di spiegare l’evoluzione del bambino. È conosciuto in Canada per il suo lavoro sull’aggressività e la violenza fra i giovani e i bambini.
L’indirizzo del suo sito è www.GordonNeufeld.com.
      你無法說出口的﹑習慣壓抑自己的,

      身體會代替你說不。

 

      為什麼有人不菸、不酒,注重健康,卻還是罹癌?

      是什麼削弱人體的防禦機制,喚醒原本存在的癌細胞,使其激增?

      為什麼即使是同樣的病症,有些人的治療結果比較差?

  

      現代醫學中許多病症的原因依然成謎,難以解釋即使有相同罹病基因,某些人會發病,其他人還是十分健康,或者有些人會受到某種細菌或病毒襲擊,有些人卻能倖免。


      本書作者在數十年的行醫經驗中,發覺所遇到的重症患者,幾乎都有類似的行為與情緒感受模式,為自己帶來過度龐大的壓力。自我壓抑、無法拒絕他人、缺乏憤怒的自覺,這些特質也使個人更容易陷入情緒無法表達、需求被忽視、善良被濫用的情境。


      不論有沒有意識到,這些情況都會誘發個人壓力,多年來一再發生、程度倍增之下,可能會傷害身體內在的衡定狀態與免疫系統,最後直接反映在身體上!


      假如不找出失衡的壓力來源,只是繼續壓抑或忽略這些長年累積、未被解決的情緒,壓力將會迫使身體代替我們起而反抗。

 

       身體的病症,直接反映我們的心理狀態。當身體開始出現明顯的症狀,就是一種強烈的警訊,告訴我們:已經承擔太多。


      找回感知實際情緒的能力,學習認識自己感到壓力時會出現什麼徵兆,瞭解當我們忽視壓力源時,身體是如何向我們傳遞訊息,不要讓隱性壓力危及健康。

 

      情緒能力包含:

 

 ♥ 能感受自己的情緒,才能察覺自己是否正處於壓力中。
 ♥ 能有效表達情緒,才能確認自己的需求和維護自己的心理界限完整。
 ♥ 能分辨自己的心理反應是否切合當下情境,還是反映了過去遺留的影響。我們的所欲所求應符合當下的需要,而不是從童年而來的無意識、未獲滿足的需求。如果過去和現在分野模糊,我們會在無損的地方誤以為自己有所損失,或以為自己面臨損失的風險。
 ♥ 能察覺真正該滿足的需求,不會為了得到接納或認可而壓抑自己。

 

      我們需要重拾與提升情緒能力,照顧好自己,如此不僅能讓我們邁向健康,也可能是疾病最佳的預防針,阻絕疾病的生成。

  

【本書特點】


☆ 深入探討壓力如何影響健康,剖析心理、壓力與身體的連動關係。

☆ 案例引人共鳴,全面解析患者的生命經歷、情緒感知與行為模式。

☆ 說明壓力反應的因素與生理機制

☆ 歸納出療癒自己的七A法則



In this timely and profoundly original new book, bestselling writer and physician Gabor Maté looks at the epidemic of addictions in our society, tells us why we are so prone to them and what is needed to liberate ourselves from their hold on our emotions and behaviours.

For over seven years Gabor Maté has been the staff physician at the Portland Hotel, a residence and harm reduction facility in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. His patients are challenged by life-threatening drug addictions, mental illness, Hepatitis C or HIV and, in many cases, all four. But if Dr. Maté’s patients are at the far end of the spectrum, there are many others among us who are also struggling with addictions. Drugs, alcohol, tobacco, work, food, sex, gambling and excessive inappropriate spending: what is amiss with our lives that we seek such self-destructive ways to comfort ourselves? And why is it so difficult to stop these habits, even as they threaten our health, jeopardize our relationships and corrode our lives?

Beginning with a dramatically close view of his drug addicted patients, Dr. Maté looks at his own history of compulsive behaviour. He weaves the stories of real people who have struggled with addiction with the latest research on addiction and the brain. Providing a bold synthesis of clinical experience, insight and cutting edge scientific findings, Dr. Maté sheds light on this most puzzling of human frailties. He proposes a compassionate approach to helping drug addicts and, for the many behaviour addicts among us, to addressing the void addiction is meant to fill.

I believe there is one addiction process, whether it manifests in the lethal substance dependencies of my Downtown Eastside patients, the frantic self-soothing of overeaters or shopaholics, the obsessions of gamblers, sexaholics and compulsive internet users, or in the socially acceptable and even admired behaviours of the workaholic. Drug addicts are often dismissed and discounted as unworthy of empathy and respect. In telling their stories my intent is to help their voices to be heard and to shed light on the origins and nature of their ill-fated struggle to overcome suffering through substance use. Both in their flaws and their virtues they share much in common with the society that ostracizes them. If they have chosen a path to nowhere, they still have much to teach the rest of us. In the dark mirror of their lives we can trace outlines of our own.
—from In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
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