Struggling with grueling hours and sudden life-and-death responsibilities, Basch and his colleagues, under the leadership of their rule-breaking senior resident known only as the Fat Man, must learn not only how to be fine doctors but, eventually, good human beings.
A phenomenon ever since it was published, The House of God was the first unvarnished, unglorified, and uncensored portrait of what training to become a doctor is truly like, in all its terror, exhaustion and black comedy. With more than two million copies sold worldwide, it has been hailed as one of the most important medical novels ever written.
With an introduction by John Updike
Fans of Stephen King and Dean Koontz will enjoy this book.
Meet Frank Cauldhame. Just sixteen, and unconventional to say the least:
Two years after I killed Blyth I murdered my young brother Paul, for quite different and more fundamental reasons than I'd disposed of Blyth, and then a year after that I did for my young cousin Esmerelda, more or less on a whim.
That's my score to date. Three. I haven't killed anybody for years, and don't intend to ever again.
It was just a stage I was going through.
For Ben Benjamin, all has been lost--his wife, his family, his home, his livelihood. Hoping to find a new direction, he enrolls in a night class called The Fundamentals of Caregiving, where he will learn to take care of people with disabilities. He is instructed about professionalism, about how to keep an emotional distance between client and provider, and about the art of inserting catheters while avoiding liability. But when Ben is assigned his first client--a tyrannical nineteen-year-old boy named Trevor, who is in the advanced stages of Duchenne muscular dystrophy--he soon discovers that the endless service checklists have done nothing to prepare him for the reality of caring for a fiercely stubborn, sexually frustrated teenager who has an ax to grind with the whole world.
Over time, the relationship between Ben and Trev, which had begun with mutual misgivings, evolves into a close friendship, and the traditional boundaries between patient and caregiver begin to blur. The bond between them strengthens as they embark on a road trip to visit Trev’s ailing father--a journey rerouted by a series of bizarre roadside attractions that propel them into an impulsive adventure disrupted by one birth, two arrests, a freakish dust storm, and a six-hundred-mile cat-and-mouse pursuit by a mysterious brown Buick Skylark. By the end of that journey, Trev has had his first taste of love, and Ben has found a new reason to love life.
Bursting with energy and filled with moments of absolute beauty, this big-hearted and inspired novel ponders life’s terrible surprises as well as what it takes to truly care for another human being.
There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. But they do watch over us. They watch our lives unfold, analyzing us for repeating patterns and redundancies. When they find them, the angels simplify those patterns and remove the redundancies, and the problem that is "you" gets solved.
Carey doesn't much like that idea. As a punk living in New York City, 1977, Carey is sick and tired of watching strange kids with unnoticeable faces abduct his friends. He doesn't care about the rumors of tar-monsters in the sewers or unkillable psychopaths invading the punk scene—all he wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings.
Kaitlyn isn't sure what she's doing with her life. She came to Hollywood in 2013 to be a stunt woman, but last night a former teen heartthrob tried to eat her, her best friend has just gone missing, and there's an angel outside her apartment. Whatever she plans on doing with her life, it should probably happen in the few remaining minutes she has left.
There are angels. There are demons. They are the same thing. It's up to Carey and Kaitlyn to stop them. The survival of the human race is in their hands.
We are, all of us, well and truly screwed.
At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Forget the cud. They want blood.
It began with a cow that just wouldn't die. It would become an epidemic that transformed Britain's livestock into sneezing, slavering, flesh-craving four-legged zombies.
And if that wasn't bad enough, the fate of the nation seems to rest on the shoulders of three unlikely heroes: an abattoir worker whose love life is non-existent thanks to the stench of death that clings to him, a teenage vegan with eczema and a weird crush on his maths teacher, and an inept journalist who wouldn't recognize a scoop if she tripped over one.
As the nation descends into chaos, can they pool their resources, unlock a cure, and save the world?
One outcome . . .
Yup, we're screwed.
Single father and poor Southern farmer Ty Ty Walden has a plan to save his farm and his family: He will tear his fields apart until he finds gold. While Ty Ty obsesses over his fool’s quest, his sons and daughters search in vain for their own dreams of instant happiness—whether from money, violence, or sex. God’s Little Acre is a classic dark comedy, a satire that lampoons a broken South while holding a light to the toll that poverty takes on the hopes and dreams of the poor themselves. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erskine Caldwell including rare photos and never-before-seen documents courtesy of the Dartmouth College Library.
The only thing Shane cares about is leaving. Usually on a Greyhound bus, right before his life falls apart again. Just like he planned. But this time it's complicated: there's a sadistic corporate climber who thinks she's his girlfriend, a rent-subsidized affair with his landlord's wife, and the bizarrely appealing deaf assistant to Shane's cosmically unstable dentist.
When one of the women is murdered, and Shane is the only suspect who doesn't care enough to act like he didn't do it, the question becomes just how he'll clear the good name he never had and doesn't particularly want: his own.
“The malaise of cubicle culture may be well-trodden comedic territory by now, but Neilan's debut skewers office life with a flourish for the grotesque.” —The Village Voice
So, when on New Year's morning she shuffles out to her backyard garden to plant a Norfolk pine, she is wholly unprepared for what happens next.
Amy falls down.
A simple accident, as a result of which something happens, and then something else, and then a number of different things, all as unpredictable as an eight-ball break. At first the changes are small, but as these small events carom off one another, Amy's life changes in ways that range from ridiculous to frightening to profound.
This most reluctant of adventurers is dragged and propelled by train, plane, and automobile through an outlandish series of antic media events on her way to becoming--to her horror--a kind of celebrity. And along the way, as the numbness begins to wear off, she comes up against something she has avoided all her life: her future, that "sleeping monster, not to be poked."
Jincy Willett's Amy Falls Down explores, through the experience of one character, the role that accident plays in all our lives. "You turn a corner and beasts break into arias, gunfire erupts, waking a hundred families, starting a hundred different conversations. You crack your head open and three thousand miles away a stranger with Asperger's jump-starts your career."
We are all like Amy. We are all wholly unprepared for what happens next.
Also, there's a basset hound.
An NPR Best Book of 2013
June 12, 2030 started out like any other day in memory—and by then, memories were long. Since cancer had been cured fifteen years before, America's population was aging rapidly. That sounds like good news, but consider this: millions of baby boomers, with a big natural predator picked off, were sucking dry benefits and resources that were never meant to hold them into their eighties and beyond. Young people around the country simmered with resentment toward "the olds" and anger at the treadmill they could never get off of just to maintain their parents' entitlement programs.
But on that June 12th, everything changed: a massive earthquake devastated Los Angeles, and the government, always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, was unable to respond.
The fallout from the earthquake sets in motion a sweeping novel of ideas that pits national hope for the future against assurances from the past and is peopled by a memorable cast of refugees and billionaires, presidents and revolutionaries, all struggling to find their way. In 2030, Albert Brooks' all-too-believable, dystopian imagining of where today's challenges could lead us tomorrow makes gripping and thought-provoking reading.
An instant classic upon its initial publication, P.S. Your Cat is Dead received widespread critical acclaim and near fanatical reader devotion. The stage version of the novel was equally successful and there are still over 200 new productions of it staged every year. Now, for the first time in a decade, James Kirkwood's much-loved black humor comic novel of manners and escalating disaster returns to bewitch and beguile a new generation.
When Noel Bostock—aged ten, no family—is evacuated from London to escape the Nazi bombardment, he lands in a suburb northwest of the city with Vera Sedge—a thirty-six-year old widow drowning in debts and dependents. Always desperate for money, she’s unscrupulous about how she gets it.
Noel’s mourning his godmother Mattie, a former suffragette. Wise beyond his years, raised with a disdain for authority and an eclectic attitude toward education, he has little in common with other children and even less with the impulsive Vee, who hurtles from one self-made crisis to the next. The war’s provided unprecedented opportunities for making money, but what Vee needs—and what she’s never had—is a cool head and the ability to make a plan.
On her own, she’s a disaster. With Noel, she’s a team.
Together, they cook up a scheme. Crisscrossing the bombed suburbs of London, Vee starts to make a profit and Noel begins to regain his interest in life. But there are plenty of other people making money out of the war—and some of them are dangerous. Noel may have been moved to safety, but he isn’t actually safe at all. . . .
Book Three of the Scary Tales: A Killer Serial
As the Scary Tales saga continues, Snow’s zombie curse grows all the more powerful—and unpredictable. The poisoned sky pours cursed rain, and the dead now rise from their graves as skeletal monsters.
For Grouchy to cure his true love, Snow, and stop her horrible curse, he and his motley band of survivors must reach the capital city of Platessa ahead of Snow’s zombie horde. But when Grouchy and his companions seek refuge in a remote cottage, they discover a big bad wolf named Kane and an orphaned girl named Red. By the moon’s light, Red and Kane meet each other halfway between human and wolf to become vicious werewolves.
With the future of the land hanging in the balance, Grouchy and his crew cannot fail, but they soon learn that Snow’s curse runs deeper than anyone could have imagined—and shares a mysterious origin with the werewolves . . .
It had been suggested that there really should have been a new word to describe "the end of everything forever," but most people had stopped noticing, much less caring, after the tally hit double digits. Not to mention the failure of "forever" in living up to its potential.
The last apocalypse wasn't even considered a cataclysm by most major governments.
It was just a Thursday.
EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE is the tender, heart-stirring tale of crappy jobs, a slacker cult, an alcoholic Aztec god, reconstituted world leaders, werewolves, robots, and the shenanigans of multiple persons living after the twentieth-aught end of the world. Fast-paced, frenetic, funny, and frequently fond of other f-words, EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE is the only book that will have you looking forward to the end of the world.
An epic battle ensues. The werewolf Red learns that she has a magical birthright and must choose between protecting her lover and avenging her family’s deaths. The dwarf Dim’s past comes back to haunt him in a tragic tale of romance and suffering inspired by the Phantom of the Opera. Amidst the carnage, Grouchy once again comes face to face with his true love, Snow.
But Snow has created her most lethal minion yet—the Creeper Queen—a demented amalgamation of the skeletons of Cinderella, Rapunzel, Briar Rose, Thousandfurs, and Adara’s own sister, Bella. With the fate of the Eastern Kingdom—and all of humanity—hanging in the balance, are the magic and talents of Queen Adara and Red strong enough to overcome Snow’s curse?
Critically acclaimed when it was first published in 1987, Jenny and the Jaws of Life is being brought back due to popular demand. It's a timeless collection filled with a certain freshness and wit that ring just as loudly today.
Liquor has become one of the hottest restaurants in town, thanks in part to chefs Rickey and G-man’s wildly creative, booze-laced food. At the tail end of a busy Mardi Gras, Milford Goodman walks into their kitchen—he’s spent the last ten years in Angola Prison for murdering his boss, a wealthy New Orleans restaurateur, but has recently been exonerated on new evidence and released. Rickey remembers him as an ingenious chef and hires him on the spot.
When a pill-pushing doctor and a Carnival scion talk Rickey into consulting at the restaurant they’re opening in one of the city’s “floating casinos,” Rickey recommends Milford for the head chef position and stays on to supervise. But soon Rickey finds himself medicating a kitchen injury with the doctor’s wares, and G-man grows tired of holding down the fort at Liquor alone. As the new restaurant moves toward its opening, Rickey learns that Milford’s past is inextricably linked with one of the project’s backers, a man whose intentions begin to seem more and more sinister.
Full of the flavor of one of America’s greatest cities, Soul Kitchen is a sharp commentary on race relations in pre-Katrina New Orleans and a fast ride through the dark side of haute cuisine.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
The United States seems to be on the brink of catastrophe. From the abandoned cars littering the highways (no one remembers how to fix them) to the endless hours spent on the golf course (now open twenty-four hours for those who can’t bother to wait until daylight to putt) to the starkly polarized political and religious factions dividing the country (which are increasingly difficult to tell apart), it is startlingly evident that the great experiment of the American Dream has failed.
The only problem is that no one has noticed. No one, that is, except Dr. Thomas More.
Dr. More, an alcoholic, womanizing, lapsed-Catholic psychiatrist, has invented the lapsometer: a machine capable of diagnosing and curing the spiritual afflictions that are speeding society toward its inevitable collapse. If used correctly, the lapsometer could make anxiety, depression, alienation, and racism things of the past. But, in the wrong hands, it could propel the nation even more quickly into chaos.
Hailed as “vividly entertaining” by the Los Angeles Times and “profoundly moving” by the Milwaukee Journal, Love in the Ruins is a towering, mind-bending work of satirical speculative fiction by the National Book Award–winning author of The Moviegoer.
Here is the newly discovered novel by Iceberg Slim, the creator and undisputed master of African-American "street literature," a man who profoundly influenced hip hop and rap culture and probably has sold more books than any other black American author of the twentieth century (not that he saw the royalties from those sales). In many ways Iceberg Slim's most mature fictional work, Shetani's Sister relates, in taut, evocative vernacular torn straight from the street corner, the deadly duel between two complex anitheroes: Sergeant Russell Rucker, an LAPD vice detective attempting to clean up street prostitution and police corruption, and Shetani (Swahili for Satan), a veteran master pimp who controls his stable of whores with violence and daily doses of heroin.
The sun, after a particularly debaucherous evening, has stumbled across the horizon and flipped a giant, geomagnetic middle finger at the Earth, detonating nearly every transformer and power line on the planet and crippling the single electrical grid that powers North America. The world has been plunged back into the Boring Ages overnight. Although this means very little to anyone, as no one is able to Google when the Boring Ages were or how society got out of them the first time.
With darkness looming, the economy crashing, and nobody’s DVRs working, everything seems lost; humanity is one more unmicrowaved Hot Pocket away from eating itself alive. So now it’s up to Thor, the former Norse God of Thunder, and the ragtag group of mercenary “heroes” he calls friends to set things right and hotwire the North American continent.
HIGH VOLTAGE, the third novel in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, is the perfect jumping on point for new readers. All of the fast-paced humor and snark of the first two critically-acclaimed, best-selling books and none of the having to read them first.
Witty and wired, HIGH VOLTAGE is the post-apocalyptic dark comedy for anyone who wishes The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy had more dick jokes or Clerks had more homicidal old lady ghosts. And, you know, was a book.
Welcome to the world of Sellevision, America's premier retail broadcasting network. When Max Andrews, the much loved and handsome (that is, lonely and gay) host of a "Toys for Tots" segment, accidentally exposes himself in front of millions of kids, Sellevision faces its first big scandal. As Max struggles to find a new job in television, the popular and perky host Peggy Jean Smythe is receiving sinister emails from a stalker. Popping pills and drinking heavily, she fails to notice that her husband is spending a lot of time with the young babysitter who lives next door. Then there's Leigh, whose affair with married Sellevision boss Howard Toast is going nowhere until she announces their relationship on air. A blistering satire of our overcharged, scandal-obsessed world, Sellevision is "an absolute howl . . . wicked fun" (New York Daily News).
This is The Suicide Octave, twelve stories orbiting a common fading sun.
Hungover and stuck at a job you hate, will you show up for your big presentation, or duck out with Debby, the HR rep with an FDR fetish? Play the weird lump on your back for office-wide sympathy, or dive into an internet spiral that can only end in “ten kinds of cancer”? Tell someone about the weird genital-fondling that’s happening at the crystal healer’s, or just accept that this is the best substitute you’ll find for love, today...or maybe ever?
From two comedy writers and former contributors to THE ONION comes a parody of a choose-your-own-adventure tale―the story of your soul-crushing existence. Having choices is great when you’re a kid, but in the adult world, the only options are endless varieties of misery. It’s okay, though. A life of adventure would require so many uncomfortable sleeping situations. Besides, you have dental. Keep reminding yourself about the dental.
“Hell, the only reason for going to work is to goof-off reading Jilly Gagnon's and Mike MacDonald's book, Choose Your Own Misery: The Office!”—E. Jean Carroll, former writer for SNL
“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office [is] the most addictive, clever, and honestly hilarious decision tree you've ever read.”—Zack Bornstein, segment director at Jimmy Kimmel Live
"Sorry, I've been spending every waking hour lost in your maddening madcap narrative labyrinth. I'll try to send a blurb for the book by the deadline!"—Jamie Brew, Associate Editor at Clickhole
"It’s time for you to choose your own miserable adventure, just like you do every day of your miserable life, but now in hilarious book form!”—Nate Dern, Head Writer for Funny or Die
"Oh, how I laughed at this droll little book. Then, slowly but irreversibly, it filled me up with dread."—Jesse Andrews, author of the NY Times Bestselling ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL
“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office is a bittersweet, brutal, and frequently hilarious twist on the childhood classics.”—NERDIST.COM
“[Choose Your Own Misery: The Office] is one of the few books I’ve made sure to bring with me to show others when going out... even though filled with miserable and sometimes darker choices, [it] is definitely one of the funniest books I’ve read lately.”—TECHAERIS
“In their rip-roaringly funny book, Choose Your Own Misery: The Office, the two Onion alums make a dark and decidedly adult play on beloved childhood "choose your own adventure" novels...[Choose Your Own Misery] may be the funniest book released this year.”—NEWSWEEK
This book is a parody. It was not authorized by Chooseco, the publisher of Choose Your Own Adventure. Choose Your Own Adventure is a registered trademark of Chooseco LLC.
Commander Angel Rose, forced into a life of crime due to circumstances beyond her control, is determined to survive in the unforgiving void as a professional assassin.
Will she be forced into the ignominy of moving back in with her parents when her efforts fail to leave her with credit-earning blood on her hands?
After years of galactic travel, could Angel’s destiny be to end up drinking cheap liquor in a bar in Slough…
10% of the proceeds of this book will be donated to Special Effect who have made it their mission to beat physical disability and allow everyone to enjoy playing video games.
Philadelphia police officers Tim Flannery and Jack Kerrigan find out, up close and personal in this story of one insanely crazy midnight, or ‘last-out’ shift, in the 26th Police District.
"If the moon moves whole oceans, what's it do to people's brains?"
This blockbuster is a chilling combination of thrills, terror, black humor, plot reversals, and a climax so shocking it will leave you shaken.
Adam Julian, son of a Hollywood screenwriter, has a life many would kill for . . . and some would kill to keep. He is tangled in a web of forced sex, coerced into robbery, and it is only a short step to killing as a choice. At the center of the book is a sensational murder trial, which oddly resembles the O. J. Simpson case. The cast features an abrasive, starstruck female judge, blundering prosecuting attorneys, a nerdy defendant who reserves his right to silence, and Rona Horowitz, a pint‐size ball of fire of a defense lawyer. The defendant may be guilty, but energetic Rona tries one outrageous legal stunt after another in order to exonerate her client. Drenched in the glamour and the sleaze of highline and lowlife Hollywood, this satirical and entertaining look at the criminal justice system, turned inside out and upside down by showbiz at its best and worst, is a panorama of crime, corruption, and violence delivered with grim authenticity and hilarious awfulness.
Booker has been playing the Powerball for years, randomly picking victims off the street and using their ages as his lucky numbers, carving the digits into their heads. He has come up empty time and time again. But tonight?
He feels lucky.
And when the ping pong balls are drawn, Booker realizes he is over $200,000,000 richer.
But a serial killer winning the lottery isn’t all it’s cracked up to be as Booker soon learns he’s become the one with the target on his back- from a scumbag, ambulance-chasing lawyer to a group of backwoods inbreds who believe the money is right-fully theirs.
With the hunter becoming the hunted, Booker must use his skills as a killer to outkill and outwit all who come between him and his winnings.
From David Bernstein, Adam Cesare, Shane McKenzie, and Kristopher Rufty.
Issue #1, in which a naive and chatty elf hunter meets an insane undead warlock and the two set out on an adventure. Kind of. Not really. But they do find an orc (half-orc?) priestess and a bull guy. He's a guy but also a bull. There's dragons and soldiers and death and action… are you reading it yet or do I have to keep going?
A Buffoon? Yes—the one who has his eyes wide open to the mating realities that Prince Charming refuses to see. He doesn’t look for love where there is only friendship. He realizes that paying for sex is cheaper than getting it free. He knows the hidden messages that his shoes send. He can distinguish the strategies used by women to win an argument without being right. He overcomes the feminine obsession with wanting to change men. He is an expert in one-night stands. He is confident that no Female human is out of his league. He is a Buffoon.
A Bengal tiger? Yes—Lucano Divina, who leads the Animal Revolution. He escaped from the Acheron Zoo to fight against the imperialism of human stupidity, and is being hunted by humans to be turned into a rug, due to the inconvenient truths he reveals. He writes a very popular and very reviled blog from the jungles of Latin America. He is considered the sexiest living being on the face of the Earth. He will make you a Buffoon.
Have you ever wondered what some guys did to become a woman magnet almost effortlessly? Now you know: you were in the company of Buffoons. Today you too can become one, if you accept the treatment that Lucano Divina offers you in this book. It won’t be easy: your organism will resist detoxification from your seduction preconceptions. You will be afraid to unlearn so you can learn, but in the end you will understand—you will understand women. That will be your advantage against your rivals. Never again will you say, “Nobody understands them,” because you will; and that will allow you to open countless legs.
As the Scary Tales saga continues, Snow White’s gruesome army of zombies and monsters invades the Ascendio Kingdom. One kingdom has already perished. Snow’s curse has claimed thousands of victims.
Our heroes face their darkest hour. Snow’s Creeper Queen has left Queen Adara crippled and stranded in a remote forest. The dwarf Grouchy and his companions are now prisoners of the pirate Mullmin, a former gypsy who shares a horrific past with the dwarf Dim. Their only hope is Grouchy’s estranged father and his mysterious companion Goldenlocks, a female dwarf with ancient and horrifying origins.
Meanwhile, Adara fights her way through the blighted landscape and learns more about Snow’s tragic past—and about her terrifying plans for the Ascendio Kingdom. But as Adara’s bond with the cursed Snow intensifies, how much longer before Snow’s madness consumes the Queen once and for all?
Paddy Buckley is a grieving widower who has worked for years for Gallagher’s, a long-established—some say the best—funeral home in Dublin. One night driving home after an unexpected encounter with a client, Paddy hits a pedestrian crossing the street. He pulls over and gets out of his car, intending to do the right thing. As he bends over to help the man, he recognizes him. It’s Donal Cullen, brother of one of the most notorious mobsters in Dublin. And he’s dead.
Shocked and scared, Paddy jumps back in his car and drives away before anyone notices what’s happened.
The next morning, the Cullen family calls Gallagher’s to oversee the funeral arrangements. Paddy, to his dismay, is given the task of meeting with the grieving Vincent Cullen, Dublin’s crime boss, and Cullen’s entourage. When events go awry, Paddy is plunged into an unexpected eddy of intrigue, deceit, and treachery.
By turns a thriller, a love story, and a black comedy of ill manners, The Last Four Days of Paddy Buckley is a surprising, compulsively readable debut novel.
From the Hardcover edition.
Struggling to find stable employment in the midst of an impending divorce, Happy's misfortune plummets further with the sudden arrival of his lecherous older brother. The black sheep of the family, he tempts Happy with a 'stimulating' solution that's sure to raise eyebrows within his ultra-conservative family. Relocating to the decadent, hedonistic streets of New Orleans, Happy finds himself in the most unlikely position...as the manager of a sex store.
Caught in a whirlwind of porn, sex toys and colorful characters, Happy is challenged to turn around the worst store in the company while also being forced to face the harsh reality of his role in his failed marriage. In the process, he finds himself also learning quite a bit about life and love from the very people he was once prejudiced against. For a man with a stellar reputation as a salesman, Happy's about to learn the true meaning of the adage 'Sex Sells'.
Keywords: porn, sex toys, sex tips, sex positions, erotica, romance, romantic comedy, contemporary fiction, contemporary literature, contemporary romance, sex stories, sex and relationships, humor, LELO, JimmyJane, Liberator, We-Vibe, Doc Johnson, sex advice, Kama Sutra, erotic fiction, vibrators, sex, literary fiction, sex advice, sex stories for adults, sex stories for couples, romantic adventure, dark comedy, dark humor, new orleans fiction, marriage and divorce, new adult romance, coming of age
Luke takes the Stars Wars mythology and re-tells it, re-invents it, and takes it to forbidden places. It is dark, funny, violent and sexy.
If you like crime stories sautéed in sex-and-violence sauce, served with a side order of humor, and seasoned with a dash of literary experimentation, give it a try.
Sin City, land of dreamers, where Ron Watson goes to dream of being human again and to fit in amongst the drunken tourists, down-on-their-luck beggars and lights so bright that nobody will notice a zombie shuffling around. But Las Vegas has other plans for Ron, as it often does for its visitors, and once there he discovers that he may not be the Last Zombie Standing, becomes an Internet meme for no reason at all, and gets drunk, laid, and fed...all while struggling with age old questions: Can a zombie date a human without wanting to turn the human into a meal? Can a zombie be an adequate parent? Do zombie joke punchlines translate in a human world? Is modern celebrity status as vacuous, hollow, and fleeting as it appears? And most importantly, is it better to be human or zombie? The answer may surprise you.
Two men meet for dinner each week. Over the course of one of these drunken evenings, the writer recounts the stories he would write, had he the courage: a young man buys an old kiln and opens a private crematorium, delighting in his ability to harass the corpses of police officers and Party secretaries, while swooning to banned Western music; a heartbroken actress performs a public suicide by stepping into the jaws of a wild tiger, watched nonchalantly by her ex-lover. Extraordinary characters inspire him, their lives pulled and pummeled by fate and politics, as if they are balls of dough in the hands of an all-powerful noodle maker.
Ma Jian's satirical masterpiece allows us a humorous, yet profound, glimpse of those struggling to survive under a system that dictates their every move.
And there's not much time left to stop it. All of Great Britain is infected and hungry. The rest of the world has a tough choice to make. Should they nuke the brits right off the map — men, women, children, cows and all — in the biggest genocide in history? Or should they risk global infection in a race against time to find a cure? With hungry zombies attempting to cross borders by plains, trains, boats, and any other form of transport available, it's only a matter of time before the virus gets out.
And if it does, there's only one answer. This means war.
A Decent Ride sees Irvine Welsh back in Edinburgh, this time with one of his most compelling and popular characters front and center: the rampaging force of nature that is 'Juice' Terry Lawson, first seen in Glue.
Juice is a man who contains multitudes: he's a top shagger, drug-dealing, gonzo pornstar and taxi driver. As we ride along in Juice's cab through the depraved streets of Edinburgh, Juice encounters a series of charmingly filthy characters, each of whom present their own, uh, unique challenges. Has he finally met his match in Hurricane 'Bawbag'? Can he discover the fate of the missing beauty, Jinty Magdalen, and keep her idiot-savant lover, the man-child Wee Jonty, out of prison? Will he find out the real motives of unscrupulous American businessman and reality-TV star, Ronald Checker? And, crucially, will Juice be able to negotiate life after a terrible event robs him of his sexual virility, and can a new fascination for the game of golf help him to live without . . . a decent ride? (The meaning of the title is starting to sink in now, huh?). So buckle your seatbelts and prepare for one unforgettable ride.
But then Timmy, a telekinetic, telepathic super-squirrel, comes skittering back into Thor's life, bruised and slightly smoking after having his tail handed to him by a two-hundred-year-old mad scientist in a robotic exoskeleton. The rodent needs help, and, despite his best intentions, that help is going to have to be Thor and his friends Chester A. Arthur XVII and Queen Victoria XXX.
DEAD PRESIDENTS, the second book in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, continues where the first one left off, following Thor and company through a world rife with megalomanical clones, dinosaur armies, zombies, mad scientists, rhinos with lasers, and all manner of action and misadventure. Uproarious and unrestrained, DEAD PRESIDENTS puts the "doody" in doomsday and the "ha" in worldwide annihilation.
“We are all born sexual creatures, thank God, but it’s a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.”
“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.”
“Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.”
“Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.”
“It was my uncle who taught me about the birds and the bees. He sat me down one day and said, ‘Remember this, George, the birds fuck the bees.’ Then he told me he once banged a girl so hard her freckles came off.”
“Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
“If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, ‘I can’t do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!”
“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two ata time.”
Heaven just turned out to be worse than Hell!
After being killed, Dora Carridine was shipped off to Heaven. But she’s not ready to give up her life just yet, especially not when it means spending eternity in angel boot camp.
She does everything in her power to try to get home, but nothing works. Even if she manages to escape Camp Angel and survive the sadistic drill sergeant, she still doesn’t know how to get her body back.
Powerless and alone, she decides that there is only one thing she can do. Dora has to find God and hope he’s not a sanctimonious dick.**The Demon Diaries is a best selling series of teen to new adult paranormal romance books. The comedy demon and witch books follow Dora on her journey to Hell and back.
Tags: paranormal comedy romance, supernatural comedy romance, fantasy romance novels, horror comedy stories, romantic comedy series, paranormal romance trilogy, funny fantasy adventure, urban fantasy fiction, paranormal humour books, witch books, demon romance books, books about hell, angel romance books.
When Dora Carridine wakes up in her coffin, the first thing she plans to do is find out what happened to her friends since they were also exiled from Hell. But Dora didn't come back entirely human, and everyone keeps trying to kill her.
If she manages to avoid being bitten by an over-amorous, Victorian vampire, being captured by the Vatican and being roasted alive by her neighbors, then hopefully she can find Kieron and find out what she really is.
But first, she has to put an end to an ancient war amongst the paranormal beings on Earth. How hard can that be?
**The Demon Diaries is a best selling series of teen to new adult, paranormal romance books. The comedy witch and demon books follow Dora on her journey to Hell and back. Tags: paranormal romance, fantasy romance, gothic, romantic comedy, paranormal comedy, adventure, urban fantasy, kickass humor, vampire, werewolf, angels, demons, witch, magic.
Kieron Lascher thought his life as a minor demon lord in Hell couldn't get any worse, but when he fails his exams and is sent into another realm as punishment by his parents, he realizes that there are worse places than Hell.
With deadly beasts and evil Satan Claws roaming the frosty land, Kieron has to fight to survive. With the help of a banished succubus, he learns that he needs to find the missing codex to gain some power.
If he manages to take out Satan Claws and learn pure evil, he might be able to open a portal and go back home. But first, he has to master being truly evil to some cute little elves. That won't be difficult for a demon lord, right?
**The Demon Diaries is a series of best selling teen to new adult, paranormal comedy books. The comedy witch and demon books in the Hint stories are novellas that explore the origins of the characters from the main series.
Tags: paranormal romance, fantasy romance, paranormal humor, romantic comedy, paranormal comedy, fantasy adventure, urban fantasy, witch books, demon books, books about hell.