"Dave Hill speaks, rocks, and now writes with a voice so powerful and funny and compelling that I'm pretty sure he's channeling some weird god from another dimension. Basically, this dude is a comedic Cthulhu, and when you read this book, you will either go COMPLETELY MAD or BECOME A SLAVE TO HIS MAD GENIUS. Pray for the latter." —John Hodgman
"This book should affirm Dave Hill's rightful place as a major American humor writer. You will laugh. Buy two and brighten a friend's life as well." —Dick Cavett
From the Book Jacket:
Dear ridiculously attractive person who just so happens to be holding Tasteful Nudes in his or her soft and supple yet commanding hands,
Hi. My name is Dave, and this is my very first collection of essays. As you can probably imagine, it pretty much has everything. In fact, if you like stories about stolen meat, animal attacks, young love, death, naked people, clergymen, rock 'n' roll, irritable Canadians, and prison, you have just hit a street called Easy because my book talks about all that stuff and a bunch of other stuff, too.
Getting back to that prison thing for a second—I can think of almost no better place to read my book than from within the confines of a correctional facility. For starters, you will definitely have the time. Also, cozying up with a good book in front of your fellow inmates is a great way to show them a softer side that for some reason no one ever wants to hear about in the yard.
Fear not, though, non-convicts, my book makes for a solid read outside of prison, too. At the beach, on the subway, while whitewater rafting, during couples counseling, under local anesthesia—I have personally seen to it that my book is totally readable in all these scenarios, as well as in most other scenarios out there today. It will make you laugh, cry, and maybe even think so much that you will forget all your problems while simultaneously creating a few new ones. In limited instances it has been known to cause severe dehydration and the occasional groin pull, but honestly I don't know what that's about. That said, it's probably not a bad idea to keep a glass of water handy and really stretch things out before strapping yourself in for a literary thrill ride you will want to experience again and again until you are either dead or your eyesight fails completely, whichever comes first. In fact, if I end up being wrong about any of this stuff, you can kick me right in the privates. Also, I will send you a nice ham (serves twenty). In short, you really can't lose on this one.
Do you want to get to know the woman we first came to love on Comedy Central's Upright Citizens Brigade? Do you want to spend some time with the lady who made you howl with laughter on Saturday Night Live, and in movies like Baby Mama, Blades of Glory, and They Came Together? Do you find yourself daydreaming about hanging out with the actor behind the brilliant Leslie Knope on Parks and Recreation? Did you wish you were in the audience at the last two Golden Globes ceremonies, so you could bask in the hilarity of Amy's one-liners?
If your answer to these questions is "Yes Please!" then you are in luck. In her first book, one of our most beloved funny folk delivers a smart, pointed, and ultimately inspirational read. Full of the comedic skill that makes us all love Amy, Yes Please is a rich and varied collection of stories, lists, poetry (Plastic Surgery Haiku, to be specific), photographs, mantras and advice. With chapters like "Treat Your Career Like a Bad Boyfriend," "Plain Girl Versus the Demon" and "The Robots Will Kill Us All" Yes Please will make you think as much as it will make you laugh. Honest, personal, real, and righteous, Yes Please is full of words to live by.
From the creator and star of the one-woman off-Broadway show Mother Load, comes When Did I Get Like This?, a screamingly funny take on being a modern woman, wife, and mother told with “a level of hilarity that even non-moms can appreciate” (Time Out). Amy Wilson’s poignant and provocative, utterly outrageous look at “the Screamer, the Worrier, the Dinosaur-Chicken-Nugget-Buyer, and Other Mothers I Swore I’d Never Be” has already earned an appreciative response from Three-Martini Playdate author Christie Mellor, who calls it, “As entertaining as it is reassuring.”
How I Slept My Way to the Middle winningly combines never-before-heard stories featuring A-list entertainers with fan favorites and Kevin’s own thoughts about how he made it. He turned down his first invitation to do stand-up on The Tonight Show because he knew that he’d make a bigger impact if he sat on the couch next to Johnny. That huge risk—which paid off in spades—was just the beginning. Find out how he brought John Belushi to his knees, tortured Paul Reiser (twice), bamboozled Larry King, stole Alan Arkin’s soul, almost killed Warren Beatty, and sucked face with Robert DeNiro’s girlfriend. Now a new media entrepreneur, he’s laughing proof that if you follow your gut and believe in yourself, you can do anything you want—except have a rational conversation with Rip Torn, who’s an evil, paranoid $#!%.
Ali Wentworth’s first two books, Ali in Wonderland and Happily Ali After, were lauded by readers, critics, and fellow comedians alike. Entertainment Weekly included Happily Ali After on its "Must List" and hailed it as "hilarious. . . . Her glass isn’t half full—it’s "empty and cracked," while Cosmopolitan praised it as "razor-sharp." Chelsea Handler called Ali in Wonderland "truly hilarious," and Kathy Griffin christened it, "Chicken Soup for the Vagina." Alec Baldwin has described Ali as "funny and warm and crazy all at once. Like Barbara Eden. But on something. Like crystal meth," and Jerry Seinfeld has raved, "Everything that comes out of Ali Wentworth’s mouth is funny!"
At once endearing and hilarious, thoughtful and far-fetched, this third collection offers Ali at her wisest and wittiest as she delivers tips, pointers, and quips on a host of life’s conundrums and sticky situations, including the funny, sometimes embarrassing yet unforgettable situations that have shaped her inimitable world view as a wife, mother, actress, comedian, and all around bon vivant. Thoroughly entertaining, Go Ask Ali is packed with thoughts and musings from "the girlfriend you want to have a glass of wine with, the one who makes you laugh because she sees the funny and the absurd in everything" (Huffington Post).
Ranging across subjects as diverse as lot lizards, Klan wizards, and small-town funerals, Perry's writing in this wise and witty collection of essays balances earthiness with poetry, kinetics with contemplation, and is regularly salted with his unique brand of humor.
* The Illinois Department of Conservation spent $180,000 to study the contents of owl vomit.
* Georgia State University psychology professor James Dabbs discovered in 1988 that trial lawyers have about 30 percent more testosterone in their bodies than normal people (regardless of gender). Dabbs stated in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology that high testosterone levels are often linked to aggressiveness and "antisocial behavior." We all knew that lawyers were full of something--now we know it's testosterone.
* What do stinky cheese and unclean feet have in common? They both attract mosquitoes according to a November 8, 1996 article from Reuters.
Moved by a particularly inspirational tweet one day, Ali Wentworth resolves to live by the pithy maxims she discovers in her feeds. What begins as a sort of self-help project quickly turns into something far grander—and increasingly funnier—as the tweets she once viewed with irony become filled with growing metaphysical importance. And thus begins her “Unhappiness Project.”
It’s not all that long before Ali expands her self-improvement quest to include parenting, relationships, fitness (or lack thereof), and dieting advice. The results are painfully (at times literally) clear: when it comes to self-help, sometimes you should leave it to the professionals.
“Razor-sharp.”—Cosmopolitan“Irresistible. . . . Sharply observant and incisively funny.”—Library Journal
Zach lives by the mantra: when life gives you wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his thirtieth birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains.
If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles, but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again, and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies."
This book is approved for consumption by those seeking pleasure, escape, amusement, enlightenment, or general distraction. This book is not approved to treat disorders such as eBay addiction or incessant blind dating.
In studies, some people reported inappropriate, convulsive laughter, a tingling sensation in the limbs, and sudden gasping. Fewer than 1 percent reported narcolepsy.
Doll collectors may experience special sensitivity, as may discourteous drivers, candy-company brand managers, and nicotine-gum users.
This book has been shown to be especially helpful to those with parents, grandparents, life partners, and incontinent dogs. People with dry, cracked skin have responded well to this book, as have people with certain heart conditions.
Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this book, until you know what effects it may have on you.
This text is contraindicated in those suffering from certain psychiatric disorders, including---but not limited to---readers afflicted with anhedonia, which is the inability to experience pleasure.
Ask your doctor about Possible Side Effects.
Blue Collar Comedy Star Bill Engvall is JUST A GUY. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it. He was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject.
For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: A person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. JUST A GUY chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Bill Engvall takes you on the rollicking ride of his life, beginning with his childhood in Texas and adolescence in Arizona, becoming a fixture in local emergency rooms, the result of massive amounts of non-thinking behavior trying to impress girls or torture his sisters; to high school in Dallas where he dabbled in an array of truly odd jobs, learned the trombone, and came of age, all strangely connected; to college and his tenure as his fraternity's social chairman, where he masterminded a series of legendary parties and attempted to rescue his pet bird while the house was burning down (not his fault, honest); to following his dream as a standup comic and, gulp, singer; to his brief stint in children's theater while sharing the stage and the back of a van with the director's dog, and as a movie extra with forked tongue and cloth claws; to his bumbling and riotous courtship, then marriage to Gail, the love of his life; and, finally, fatherhood, where he remains, to this day, a well-meaning, but flawed parent.
Through it all, Bill gamely stumbles along, struggling to maintain a façade of confidence and control. Far from a superhero, Bill Engvall is an everyday Everyman, the poster boy for normal. The result is JUST A GUY who is disarming, perceptive, wildly funny, and unexpectedly moving.
JUST A GUY will make you laugh out loud and tug at your heart.
Hopefully, not at the same time.