A strange and charming collection of hilariously absurd poetry, writing, and illustration from one of today's most popular young comedians...
"Like Walt Whitman, Bo Burnham has made the transition from an internet comedy sensation to a soulful poet. No, not that Walt Whitman. A different guy." - Conan O' Brien
Bo Burnham was a precocious teenager living in his parents' attic when he started posting material on YouTube. 100 million people viewed those videos, turning Bo into an online sensation with a huge and dedicated following. Bo taped his first of two Comedy Central specials four days after his 18th birthday, making him the youngest to do so in the channel's history. Now Bo is a rising star in the comedy world, revered for his utterly original and intelligent voice. And, he can SIIIIIIIIING!
In EGGHEAD, Bo brings his brand of brainy, emotional comedy to the page in the form of off-kilter poems, thoughts, and more. Teaming up with his longtime friend, artist, and illustrator Chance Bone, Bo takes on everything from death to farts in this weird book that will make you think, laugh and think, "why did I just laugh?"
So here we go; it's time to back up because YouTube superstars, The Sidemen, are finally here in book form and they're dishing the dirt on each other as well as the YouTube universe.
There's nowhere to hide as KSI, Miniminter, Behzinga, Zerkaa,Vikkstar123, Wroetoshaw and Tobjizzle go in hard on their living habits, their football ability, and their dodgy clobber, while also talking Fifa, Vegas and superheroes. They'll also give you their grand house tour, letting you in on a few secrets, before showing you their hall of fame, as well as revealing some of their greatest shames.
Along the way you'll learn how seven of the world's biggest YouTube stars started off with nothing more than a computer console, a PC and a bad haircut before joining forces to crush the internet. And they'll tell you just how they did it (because they're nice like that) with their ultimate guide to YouTube while also sharing their memories of recording their favourite videos as well as a typical day in the life of The Sidemen.
You'll feel like you're with them every step of the way, smelling the 'sweet' aroma of the boys' favourite dishes in the kitchen, stamping your passport as you follow them on their trips around the world and kicking every ball as the boys gear up for the biggest football match of their lives.
It's going to get personal. It's going to get intense, and JJ is going to have lots of tantrums, so take a moment to prepare yourself, because this is The Sidemen book you've been waiting for!
Demetri's first literary foray features longer-form essays and conceptual pieces (such as Protagonists' Hospital, a melodrama about the clinic doctors who treat only the flesh wounds and minor head scratches of Hollywood action heroes), as well as his trademark charts, doodles, drawings, one-liners, and lists (i.e., the world views of optimists, pessimists and contortionists), Martin's material is varied, but his unique voice and brilliant mind will keep readers in stitches from beginning to end.
And now, you can read Daniel Klein's further musings on life and philosophy in Travels with Epicurus and Every Time I Find the Meaning of Life, They Change it.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
“The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.”
Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner.
Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for.
“My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.”“A dyslexic man walks into a bra.”“Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!”“Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.”“Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.”“Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”
The classic parody of The Lord of the Rings is back! With a brand-new “boreword” by Henry Beard.
The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
If broken or busted, it cannot be remade
If found, send to Sorhed (the postage is prepaid).
It’s up to Boggie Frito Bugger and his band of misfits—including inept wizard Goodgulf Grayteeth, halfwit Spam Gangree, twins Moxie and Pepsi, and Arrowroot of Arrowshirt—to carry the Great Ring to Fordor and cast it into the Zazu Pits.
Can they avoid death by hickey tree and escape the dread ballhog? Can the fellowship overcome the narcs and Nozdruls hounding their every move and save Lower Middle Earth once and for all? Yes, of course—this isn’t Hamlet, you know.
As the host of the hit game show Distraction (now in its third season on Comedy Central) and one of the premier stand-up acts working today, award-winning comedian Jimmy Carr has won over millions of fans around the world with his trademark rapier wit, laced with "exquisitely economical and perfectly timed one-liners" (The Guardian). For this book he teams up with friend and fellow comedy writer Lucy Greeves to take an in-depth look at where humor comes from and how it works, through exploring its purest form: the joke.
Only Joking begins with the mechanism of laughter—how it happens and why even infants do it—then delves into the power of the punch line, exploring the basics of all jokes, from the use of shock and surprise to advanced stand-up techniques such as the "pull-back/reveal." Carr and Greeves go on to explore taboo humor, jokes that bomb, and the psychology of finding something funny. They look into the long-standing connection between politics and humor, and discuss the survival prospects for contentious jokes in the current political climate. Throughout the book they conjure up a supporting cast of colorful joke enthusiasts, from Sigmund Freud to Lenny Bruce, and discuss their influence on the jokes we tell today. Surveying across national, ethnic, and gender divides, this rollicking analysis of why joking will always be close to the human heart is an irresistible exploration of humor that makes clear why we need a good laugh now more than ever.
Winning means wealth, fame, and a life of therapy losing means death, but also fame! This is The Hunger Pains.
When Kantkiss Neverclean replaces her sister as a contestant on the Hunger Games—the second-highest-rated reality TV show in Peaceland, behind Extreme Home Makeover—she has no idea what to expect. Having lived her entire life in the telemarketing district’s worst neighborhood, the Crack, Kantkiss feels unprepared to fight to the death while simultaneously winking and looking adorable for the cameras. But when her survival rests on choosing between the dreamy hunk from home, Carol Handsomestein, or the doughy klutz, Pita Malarkey, Kantkiss discovers that the toughest conflicts may not be found on the battlefield but in her own heart . . . which is unfortunately on a battlefield.
Growing older can be unsettling and surprising. (How on earth did this happen? Where did the years go?) So what better way to deal with this new stage of life than to laugh about your new reality? Die Laughing includes more than enough jokes (not to mention cartoons!) to let that laughter burst out.
Whether it’s dealing with doctors, dating in one’s seventies, or unexpected bodily changes (not to mention funny noises), some things are easier to face with a smile of recognition. That’s why Die Laughing is the perfect gift for your parents, anyone celebrating a significant birthday, or any boomer with a sense of humor whose age begins with a six or higher.
Now Ian Spector has returned to his voluminous vault to bring readers 200 new Chuck Norris facts alongside 200 facts about his longtime antagonist Mr. T, in a battle that pits foot against fist, beard against mohawk, and Delta Force against A-Team. Included in this fearsome tome are such startling observations as:
? There is nothing to fear but fear itself, and fear itself fears Chuck Norris.
? King Kong once challenged Godzilla to an arm-wrestling match. Mr. T won.
? The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
? The last man to make eye contact with Mr. T was Stevie Wonder.
? Chuck Norris is a man?s man?s man.
? Mr. T once beat a man to death with his own corpse.
A hilarious tribute to two of the greatest humans who have ever lived, Chuck Norris vs Mr. T is the one book that can finally reveal what happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object.
Why was the limbo dancer shocked when his wallet was stolen right out of his back pocket? Because he didn't think anyone could stoop so low.
The ultimate collection of the world's greatest funnies, The Best Joke Book (Period) keeps you laughing for hours on end. Inside, you'll find hundreds of jokes that are guaranteed to stir up a room full of smiles, including knock-knocks, witty puns, and one-liners. Complete with hilarious quotes from celebrities like Jon Stewart, Lewis Black, and Jerry Seinfeld, everyone will revel in each gut-busting moment.
So whether you're looking to add a few jokes to your repertoire, impress your buds, or improve your banter, this sidesplitting book arms you with the perfect joke for any occasion!
Just when you thought it was safe to read, Chuck Norris is back with another roundhouse kick to the face. Fans of this bestselling series will rejoice at this newest addition to the hilarious anthology. The Last Stand of Chuck Norris contains 400 all-new, kick-ass facts about the book's indomitable namesake, including:
? Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
? When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
? Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the world down.
? Chuck Norris doesn't need a Twitter account. He is already following you.
? Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
Michael Krasny has been telling Jewish jokes since his bar mitzvah, and it’s been said that he knows more of them than anyone on the planet. He certainly states his case in this wise, enlightening, and hilarious book that not only collects the best of Jewish humor passed down from generation to generation, but explains the cultural expressions and anxieties behind the laughs.
"What’s Jewish Alzheimer’s?"
"You forget everything but the grudges."
"You must be so proud. Your daughter is the President of the United States!"
"Yes. But her brother is a doctor!"
"Isn’t Jewish humor masochistic?"
"No. And if I hear that one more time I am going to kill myself."
With his background as a scholar and public-radio host, Krasny delves deeply into the themes, topics, and form of Jewish humor: chauvinism undercut by irony and self-mockery, the fear of losing cultural identity through assimilation, the importance of vocal inflection in joke-telling, and calls to communal memory, including the use of Yiddish.
Borrowing from traditional humor and such Jewish comedy legends as Jackie Mason, Mel Brooks, and Joan Rivers, Larry David, Sarah Silverman, Jerry Seinfeld and Amy Schumer, Let There Be Laughter is an absolute pleasure for the chosen and goyim alike.
Thomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein first made a name for themselves with the outrageously funny New York Times bestseller Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar.... Now they turn their attention to the Big "D" and share the timeless wisdom of the great philosophers, theologians, psychotherapists, and wiseguys. From angels to zombies and everything in between, Cathcart and Klein offer a fearless and irreverent history of how we approach death, why we embrace life, and whether there really is a hereafter. As hilarious as it is enlightening, Heidegger and a Hippo Walk Through Those Pearly Gates is a must-read for anyone and everyone who ever expects to die.
And now, you can read Daniel Klein's further musings on life and philosophy in Travels with Epicurus and Every Time I Find the Meaning of Life, They Change it.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.
I'm against hunting. I'm actually a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them.
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
Velcro. What a rip-off.
Black Beauty. He's a dark horse.
I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
What could be funnier than a great joke? How about 2,000 great jokes? In this side?splitting compendium, revised and updated and featuring a new introduction by Drew Carey, members of the world-renowned Friars Club and other comedians provide zingers for every occasion, situation, and taste.
Organized alphabetically and by topic, this book is made for browsing, but it's also perfect for finding icebreakers for social occasions, adding a touch of humor to business speeches, and spicing up toasts.
Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, including Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and tons more.
As groan-inducing as they are hilarious, dad jokes are the punny one-liners and oh-so-clever quips fathers never tire of telling. With this massive collection, no Dad will ever lack new material to make his kids facepalm:
- A watermelon and a honeydew wanted to get married right away, but they cantaloupe.
- After Humpty Dumpty recovered from his fall, he was just a shell of his former self.
- Sign language interpreters have to lean sideways to translate something in italics.
- Anyone with a wheat allergy that routinely eats pasta is just a gluten for punishment.
- A chord walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said, "We don't serve minors."
This book is recommended for anyone who likes to tell jokes, but it is also a book for anyone who likes to hear a good joke.
Are 101 hilarious (dirty, sexual and adult's) jokes - ONLY THE BEST!
Read unafraid to be happy, because the laughs are guaranteed!
"...this clever kosher compilation generates giggles galore." - Publishers Weekly
For example, regardless of your gender, under no circumstances should you ever
attempt to wear leather pants
start a story that involves a lot of names—you'll forget most of them before the story is over
stalk your high school sweetheart on Facebook. You might discover the person you had the hots for in 10th grade isn’t so hot anymore
get drunk in Pamplona and deciding to run with the bulls
volunteer to be a drug mule
Say things like "fo’shizzle," "whatev," or "cray-cray"
And do we really need to mention thongs, Speedos, or jeggings?
50 Things Not to Do after 50 is a lighthearted and sometimes painfully on-target book about how what we used to do in our twenties, thirties, and forties should be avoided at all costs now that we’re in our fifties.
In The Cunning Linguist, renowned language expert Richard Lederer shows us the naughtier side of wordplay, revealing hundreds of hilarious, ingenious, unabashed, and adults-only puns, jokes, limericks, one-liners, and other adventures in sexual humor. This book of "good, clean dirty fun" will delight word hounds, punsters, bachelor-party goers, and anyone who likes a clever grown-up joke.
Here's a taste of The Cunning Linguist:
Q: What does a man have in his pants that you can also find on a pool table?
Have you heard about the incompatible couple?
He had no income, and she wasn't pattable.
The four stages of a couple's sex life:
Under 35: Tri-weekly
35-45: Try weekly
45-55: Try weakly
55 and over: Try, try, try.
For much more, sneak between the covers of this unique and laugh-out-loud book.
From ?UFO University? to ?Speedo Check Ahead? to ?Fecal Face Dot Gallery,? Signspotting III: Lost and Loster in Translation takes the reader on a pictorial worldwide tour of the bizarre and hysterical street signs and advertisements that provide way more laughs than information.
With a collection of useful and hilarious phrases and a handy dictionary to demonstrate what the emojis really mean, you’ll never feel out of your depth again - or make the embarrassing mistake of putting an eggplant symbol next to a peach.
Includes sections such as everyday greetings, in the workplace, in relationships and asking for help and directions, as well as how to translate song titles and film quotes, this is your complete guide to the bright new world of the emoji.
Michael Lewis has gathered a wide range of the very best and funniest bar jokes, riddles, anecdotes, and quotations in this rib-tickling (and thirst-inducing) collection. Sure to be a favorite of tipplers of all stripes?and the teetotalers who drive them home?the book also includes bar bets, games, tricks, trivia, and more.
Featuring classic "bartoons" opening each chapter, its nifty 5 x 7 trim size makes it a perfect party takealong or barside companion?right next to the cocktail shaker, the jar of olives?and Black Dog?s mega-bestselling New New York Bartender?s Guide.
Insults Anywhere has found that the earliest jokes in recorded history were about race and you should celebrate your culture by insulting the culture of others! When you've finished sharing the jokes in this book those annoying block parties you keep getting invited to will be a thing of the past!
"We pull no punches and neither should you!"
Here are the gems from the private files from the man infamous for knowing every joke there ever was. In comedy clubs from coast to coast since 1979, “The Joke Man” has dared audiences to start a joke he couldn’t finish. Now he takes no prisoners, spares no ethnic or social group, and exhibits not one ounce of good taste in this wildly offensive, outrageously funny collection of dirty jokes.
In 1066, a Battle of Hastings ensued in England, eventually causing two languages to merge and form modern English. In The Jokes on Me, English language aficionado Jim Purdy provides an entertaining tutorial of jokes, explanations, and associated vocabulary based on this historical transition.
Purdy bases most of his jokes on sex, politics, and religion, depending on the unexpected as he leads serious students of languages to the other side of English. While including jokes not intended for the easily offended, Purdy relies on the experiences he acquired during his frequent travels throughout Europe as he shares jokes as diverse as the world around us. Purdy spares no one from his humorous jabs, including Lady Astor and Sir Winston, the Lone Ranger, and the Pope.
The Jokes on Me is a step-by-step guide that will encourage both novice and experienced students of languages to gain a new appreciation of the American sense of humor while simultaneously enhancing their vocabulary and linguistics abilities.
'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.'
'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.'
'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'
There are classical logic puzzles, lateral thinking puzzles, “who am I?” riddles, mathematical brain teasers, word ladders, ditloids, and a large selection of illustrated pen and paper, coins, cups, and toothpicks puzzles (please view the preview of this book for a full listing).
This is the first time a collection of such breadth has been compiled and formatted especially for e-reader devices. The puzzles have been carefully organized into 25 chapters, and each question is hyperlinked to its solution, to provide utmost ease of navigation. Alongside the world’s most famous riddles, are some lesser known gems, and some brand new puzzles, in print here for the first time.
Our aim was to create a definitive compendium of riddles and puzzles to bring enjoyment to people of all ages. We hope you will enjoy unraveling them as much as we enjoyed creating and editing them. Here are a handful of sample riddles:
Outside the Box Riddles:
You need to divide a round birthday cake into eight pieces, so each of your guests will have something to eat. How can you do this by making only three straight cuts with a knife, and without moving any of the pieces?
The king’s two bodyguards developed an ingenious method for assuring the king’s safety. With the king standing between them, they would face in opposite directions; one looking to the west and the other to the east, but at the same time, and without the use of any reflective surfaces, they would both be able to observe the king clearly. How was this possible?
Pure Logic Riddles:
There are two glasses. One contains water, and the other contains an equal quantity of wine. A teaspoon of water is removed and mixed into the glass of wine. A teaspoon of the wine-water mixture is then removed and mixed into the glass of water. Which of the mixtures is now purer?
The sorcerer’s tower was enchanted in such a way that it was able to build itself. Bricks, slates, tiles, and panes of glass, all flew to it of their own accord and danced into position. The tower doubled in size every day until after 100 days it reached a height that provided fine views over the entire realm. How many days did the tower take to reach half its full height?
Lateral Thinking Puzzles:
Five men are going to church. It starts to rain, and four of the men begin to run. When they arrive at the church, the four men who ran are soaking wet, whereas the fifth man, who didn’t run, is completely dry. How is this possible?
Think Twice Riddles:
If you are running a race, and you overtake the person in second place, what place do you move into?
SOS is read the same forwards, backwards, and even upside-down. What four-letter word also shares these properties?
How many letters are there in the answer to this question?
You have an opportunity to buy a hen. In fact, you have been offered a choice between two quite remarkable animals. One of the hens produces six dozen dozen eggs per month, and the other produces a half dozen dozen.
Admittedly, both seem impressive. Does it matter which hen you choose?
Traditional Poetic Riddles:
Five creatures cross a field of snow;
But leave a single track behind
Whose loops and bows are soon, I know,
Unravelled by the mind.
Coins, Cups, and Toothpicks Illustrated Riddles:
A coin is dropped into an empty bottle and a cork is then inserted in the neck of the bottle. How is it possible to remove the coin without taking out the cork, or breaking the bottle?
At Elsinore Books we pride ourselves on creating beautiful e-books, and devote great attention to formatting, and ease of navigation. This book contains a cleanly styled contents page that permits easy movement between puzzles. You can return at any time to the contents page by clicking on the name of each chapter.
Make every day funny punny with this massive book of over 1,400 puns. Perfect for word nerds, class clowns, and dads everywhere, never miss an opportunity to deliver a groan-inducing, yet hilarious one-liner.
• The pliers said to the wrench, “Get a grip. You're losing it!"
• The marionette’s cardiologist warned him to change his lifestyle because he was too high-strung.
• When the President’s family picnic was hit by a cold hard rain, the band struck up “Hail to The Chief".
• Q: How do vampires like their stakes?
• Do dealers in Las Vegas casinos walk with a shuffle?
• The young ear of corn was considered a rising star in the Marine Corps; he quickly rose to the rank of kernel.
A really good joke, like a great poem, memorable song lyric, razor-sharp anecdote, or Zen koan, is a portal of discovery—it can get a meaningful message across in a way that’s clear, humorous, and practical.
It’s the secret weapon of every great comedian—there’s the joke, and then there’s the subtext of the joke, and that can mean serious business.
A funny, funny joke about a therapist and his patient conveys, for example, an important lesson on the power of communication. A surprising joke about a tribal shaman and the weather service turns into a necessary critique on how we should view experts.
What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin
What's pink and hard in the morning? The Financial Times crossword
Did you hear about the consignment of Viagra pills stolen from a warehouse? Police are on the lookout for hardened criminals
An aeroplane is about to crash, when a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, 'If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.' She removes all her clothing and asks, 'Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?'
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, 'Here, iron this!'
The greatest ever collection of dirty jokes guaranteed to offend and outrage the prudish. Full of hilarious gags, it's totally politically incorrect, unashamedly x-rated and downright filthy. Definitely one to keep well out of the way of the mother-in-law...