Leading stepfamily expert Ron L. Deal reveals the seven fundamental steps to blended family success and provides practical, realistic solutions to the issues you face as a stepfamily. Whether married or soon-to-be-married, you'll discover how to
· Solve the everyday puzzles of stepparenting and stepchildren relationships
· Communicate effectively with an ex-spouse
· Handle stepfamily finances confidently
· "Cook" your stepfamily slowly rather than expect an instant blend
This revised and expanded edition has updated research and two new chapters with even more real-world advice on topics such as stepsibling relationships and later-life stepfamilies.
It’s no secret, being a stepmother can be a living nightmare. But it can also be an enriching and rewarding experience—one that God can use to strengthen you, helping you survive and even thrive in the toughest job you never asked for.
Written by two women who are stepmothers themselves—and know the difficulties of helping to raise someone else’s children—this book is filled with down-to-earth insights and advice for stepmothers from stepmothers. It also offers expert guidance from pastors and counselors on such issues as roles, expectations, realistic goals, organization, finances, holidays, vacations, relationships with stepchildren, negotiation, forgiveness, healing the past, building a strong marriage with stepchildren on the scene, dealing with in-laws and ex-spouses, sexual tensions in stepfamilies, health, depression, stress, and much more.
While there is no magic formula to guarantee stepmother success, encouragement and practical wisdom are available in this much-needed resource.
When faced with often overwhelming challenges, what woman with stepchildren is unfamiliar with that “stepmonster” feeling? Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. To guide women new to this role—and empower those who are struggling with it—Wednesday Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother. She's frank about the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, she considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, and she counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems that often develop. Along the way, she interviews other stepmothers and stepchildren and offers up fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology that explain the little-understood realities of this unique parent-child relationship and—in an unexpected twist—shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is the single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.
When families “blend” to create step families things rarely progress smoothly.
Some children may resist the many changes they face, while parents may become frustrated or disappointed when the new family doesn’t function like their previous family functioned.
This book teaches you to deal with basic issues such as privacy for individual family members, who should handle the discipline, giving your stepchildren space, not to expect respect, but to earn respect. How to deal with hot and cold behavior from your step kids.
Contrary to myth, step families have a high rate of success in raising healthy children. 80% of the kids grow up and turn out to be fine.
Do not beat yourself up about being a bad step parent, learn how to deal with the situation.
* Your Children and Mine: Can They Ever Become Ours?
* What Will Happen to the "Family Home"?
* Who Should Inherit My Property? Managing Financial Conflict Between Generations
* Health and Illness: Thank Heaven the Caretaker Is on Duty
* The Grandchildren: Pawns or Bridges?
Written for both the couple getting married as well as their adult children, Step Wars is a road map for happily surviving remarriage later in life.
Sometimes love happens when you least expect it…
Jenny Romano has never been a white-picket-fence, happily-ever-after girl. Despite a mother who rejected her free-spirited, unique ways as irresponsible and just plain wrong, Jenny has found happiness as a photographer, flitting around the country and snapping photos of other people’s lives. Her older sister, Grace, has a husband, children, and a carpool schedule. She’s the one their mother calls “perfect.”
But when tragedy strikes her sister’s carefully constructed life, Jenny must step in and help. Soon, she’s knee-deep in small-town, suburban life, the kind she’s always avoided…
Psychologist Elliot Drake spends so much time healing other people’s pain that he prefers to keep his own relationships short and uncomplicated. He’s loved and lost once and with a young daughter to raise, he’s not willing to risk his heart again. Of course, he’s never met anyone quite like Jenny. Outrageous and unpredictable, she’s nothing like her well-controlled older sister. And the more he’s around Jenny, the more he wonders if short-term is really what he wants…
Elliot and Jenny are about to discover that real life happens whether you want it to or not. Will they let real love happen, too?
That Second Chance Series:Book One: Pulling Home (Also prequel to A Family Affair: The Promise)Book Two: The Way They Were (Also prequel to A Family Affair: The Secret)Book Three: Simple Riches (Also prequel to A Family Affair: Winter)Book Four: Paradise FoundBook Five: Not Your Everyday HousewifeBook Six: The Butterfly Garden
In Dr. Ross Campbell’s groundbreaking book, he explains the emotional needs of a child and provides you with skills that will help your child feel truly loved and accepted. Using eye contact, affirmation, and spiritual nurturing, you’ll learn to really love your child no matter what the circumstances. The practical applications in How to Really Love Your Child have already helped over 2 million parents around the world show love to their children in a way that can be received and returned, again and again.
You found the love of your life, and you vowed to have, to hold and to stepmother. You always thought that in time you'd grow to be the perfect, loving family. So why does it seem that the harder you try, the more unappreciated you feel?
As a stepmother, therapist and founder of the popular Web site stepsforstepmothers.com, Dr. Rachelle Katz knows all too well how challenging stepmotherhood can be. Based on thousands of in-depth interviews and the latest research, she's created a powerful program to help you:
* Alleviate stress and take care of yourself
* Bond with your new family
* Set and enforce clear boundaries
* Get the respect you deserve
* Strengthen your relationship
George Glass, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist, has designed a book to help parents understand the challenges of beginning new lives with blended families, and to help their children make the necessary adjustments. He explains how to approach unavoidable dilemmas when they occur and offers invaluable lessons about the link between divorce and issues of self-esteem, depression, substance abuse, and relationship failures that often result from the breakup of a family.
Gathered from his years in practice and his own personal experience as a member of a blended family, Glass provides practical solutions to everyday problems. Blending a family, Glass explains, is a process, which requires patience. It can take a long time to develop trust, acceptance, and a willingness to overlook transgressions that in the beginning can cause tension. Each chapter offers specific advice to help blended family members improve their communication skills and ease the transitions from separate households into a larger, combined community. Taken together with a steady dose of “Dos and Don’ts,” this book provides an inspiring toolkit for families in need.
The Smart Stepfamily Participant's Guide provides discussion questions to use before and after watching the DVD, space to take notes, and bonus reading material. Includes leader instructions and guidelines for facilitating effective groups.
In this down-to-earth book, Laura Petherbridge offers real answers from someone who's walked in your shoes--and not only survived, but thrived as a stepmom. Here you'll find compact solutions arranged by topic, such as parenting, coping with the children's biological mom, finances, and dealing with the holidays.
You will learn
· how to better understand your blended family
· what to do when you feel like an outsider
· ways to navigate the drama
· keys to gaining the respect of your stepkids
These bite-sized tips are perfect for a busy stepmom, offering at-a-glance advice you can use today--and see change begin.
Different parenting styles, finances, relationships with ex-spouses, legal matters, and even seemingly simple issues such as the kinds of chores assigned to children can chisel away at your union if you don’t always make your marriage a priority.
Stepcoupling offers advice for stepcouples on how to do just that—all the while strengthening their blended family with a healthy marriage. Susan Wisdom and Jennifer Green provide tips and strategies on dealing with the issues remarried couples face, with a wealth of advice from real-life stepcouples, such as:
* Learning to tailor your expectations of your spouse or children and remembering that no family is perfect
* Knowing where your boundaries are, whether involving a hostile ex-spouse or a stepchild who demands too much attention
* Realizing that traits like flexibility, tolerance, forgiveness, and openness are especially essential in a stepfamily situation
* Making “us” time for talking, problem-solving, weekends away, and enjoying your marriage to constantly renew and strengthen your bond as a couple
Let this invaluable remarriage manual help you make your stepcouple the foundation of a strong, happy, and successful stepfamily.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
There are more than twenty million stepfamilies in America. For most of them, the simple, daily issues that challenge every family are even more anxiety-provoking. After conducting a comprehensive nine-year-long study funded by the National Institutes of Health, Dr. James H. Bray has written an invaluable book that explains why over half of all stepfamilies fail and reveals the strategies that help the others succeed.
A stepfamily is assaulted on all sides by difficult and often divisive questions. How much control should a stepparent have over a stepchild? How much authority should a nonresidential parent exert over a child? How should a difficult former spouse be handled? How does an "ours" baby change the emotional dynamic in a stepfamily? Why is there a lack of "honeymoon effect" during the first years of stepfamily life?
The purpose of Stepfamilies is to answer all the important questions of stepfamily life--to fill in the knowledge gaps that undermine so many stepfamilies today and, crucially, to learn the effect of stepfamily life on children. Based on one of the largest and longest studies of stepfamily life ever conducted, Stepfamilies interweaves the stories of real families to illustrate such study findings as how:
a stepfamily has its own natural life cycle
a stepfamily takes several years to develop into a family unit
a stepfamily is at greatest risk during the first two years
a stepfamily ultimately coalesces into one of three forms
a stepfamily must solve four basic tasks in order to succeed
a stepfamily can help heal the scars of divorce
Filled with emotional, gripping stories, Bray's findings pinpoint the three major transitions in stepfamily life and identify the riskiest issues that can throw a family into crisis. Bray is the first to identify the several distinct forms that stepfamilies take and to explore which types of stepfamilies are more vulnerable than others and why. He also describes the natural life cycle of stepfamilies and basic tasks all stepfamilies must undertake to succeed. With a wealth of insight into the positive effects of remarriage, Bray shows how a loving, well-functioning stepfamily can lessen the trauma of divorce and restore a child's and family's sense of security.
Most stepparents remarry with the highest hopes and new resolutions for a better life. Never before have their unique needs been addressed in depth. Through insightful case studies and practical advice, Stepfamilies reveals how a strong, stable stepfamily is as capable as a nuclear family of nurturing healthy development, of imbuing values, of setting limits and boundaries, and of providing a structure in which rules for living a moral and productive life are transmitted, tested, rebelled against, and ultimately affirmed. Bray's positive message and fascinating findings--many of which defy intuition--will put stepfamilies on the road to lifelong harmony.
Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked, journalist and stepmother Cherie Burns brings together countless insights and sound advice, based on the latest research and interviews with experts in the field (including dozens of other stepmoms), to answer questions such as:
• How do you manage discipline when parents and stepparents disagree?
• How can you help stepsiblings get along?
• How do you handle birthdays, holidays, and weddings?
• What’s the best way to get along with your stepchild’s mother?
• When should you seek a therapist’s help?
Burns’s wise and empathetic suggestions go beyond struggle, stigma, and compromise, showing how sensitive, informed stepmothers can take charge—and pride—in their role, becoming more effective and fulfilled.
From the Trade Paperback edition.
As a stepparent with six children in a blended family, Barbara LeBey draws on her own family's hard-won success, as well as on extensive interviews and new research to show how to navigate the stresses, sticking points, pitfalls and perils most couples don't even anticipate. Starting with her first controversial secret--that the new marriage comes first, even before the demands of the children--LeBey debunks prevalent stepfamily myths and anticipates common traps. (Among them, money issues, warring stepsiblings, and destructive exes.) A strong advocate for children (including how to guard against fade-out parenting), she also suggests ways that in-laws, schools, and the legal system itself could provide better support for blended families. REmarried with Children is an expert, compassionate, down-to-earth book to turn to over and over again for advice, support and sanity.
Key topics include how to:
-Meet your children's and stepchildren's needs--without letting them undermine your new marriage
-Understand the new roles, new rules, and the new relationships for children and stepchildren of a blended family
-Deal with angry and/or manipulative exes--without adding fuel to the fire
-Handle key decisions about finances, religion, traditions, behavior and discipline
-Maintain healthy relationships with your children's grandparents--and other relatives--from a previous marriage
-Recognize warning signs of trouble ahead--and get the help you need
From the Hardcover edition.
In her debut self-help manual, "Stepparenting: The Expert Advice You Need to Succeed," licensed social worker and parenting expert Ashley Miller, MSW tackles the most common obstacles faced by both new and experienced stepparents.
In this book, you will learn how to:
• Introduce yourself to your new stepchildren and take your proper place in the family
• Deal with common problems, such as “the ex,” discipline issues and loyalty clashes
• Set appropriate boundaries and ground rules
• Develop effective communication skills
• Establish an atmosphere of mutual respect
• Learn helpful ways to bond with your stepchildren
• Identify and address potential mental health problems
• Manage stress while maintaining a positive attitude
With a down-to-earth, understanding, and encouraging voice, Miller discusses specific strategies to help stepparents cultivate meaningful and healthy relationships with their stepchildren that can last a lifetime.
NOT GOT MUCH TIME?
One, five and ten-minute introductions to key principles to get you started.
Lots of instant help with common problems and quick tips for success, based on the authors' many years of experience.
Tests in the book and online to keep track of your progress.
EXTEND YOUR KNOWLEDGE
Extra online articles at www.teachyourself.com to give you a richer understanding of PC care.
THINGS TO REMEMBER
Quick refreshers to help you remember the key facts.
Lynne and Louise were stepwives for ten years. While they managed a barely civil relationship, each was seething with anger on the inside. It all boiled over in an ugly scene on the day Lynne saw that Louise was wearing shoes identical to her own favorite pair, and then they knew they had to find a new way of being a family.
With the guidance of marriage and family therapist Marjorie Vego Krausz, Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn developed a ten-step program that has helped thousands of women begin to go from sworn enemies to CoMamas. You don't have to follow the program together with your stepwife; even if only one of you follows the plan, your stepwife relationship and the happiness of your family will improve. Learn how to:
Establish a good working relationship with your stepwife
Put the children first
Understand your husband's/ex-husband's role and how he can help
Handle vacations, holidays, and other big occasions
Packed with quizzes, lists, and other helpful tools, Stepwives can show you how to step into her shoes and have a peaceful, cooperative relationship with your stepwife.
Whether you find parenting intuitive or impossible, we could all use a hand here and there. And we could use it quick! In 8 Simple Tools, child psychologist and father Todd Cartmell walks you through the nuts and bolts of healthy, effective parenting.
Using examples from his home and 20 years of professional practice, Todd gives eight essential and practical tools to help you:Listen well and respond wiselyUse affirmation to influence your childDevelop a nurturing home culture Correct behavior in lasting waysMaintain a healthy relationship with your child
Designed with busy parents in mind, 8 Simple Tools breaks each tool into five short chapters, perfect for when you only have a second. Plus, each chapter ends with a practical “Tip” section that summarizes the main point and helps you apply it right away.
Use even half of the tools in your parenting, and your family dynamics will thrive. Your relationship will be built on love and trust, providing you with fertile ground for planting God’s wisdom in your child's heart and, ultimately, seeing your child flourish.
Talking to your kids and getting them to open up to you as parents can be tough. They may feel afraid to talk, or feel awkward about the topic at hand, or may not know how to broach the subject with you. This e-book was designed to help you as parents (or guardians or caretakers) learn to communicate with your children in a way that makes them open up to you. Included are new and fresh insights and suggestions with methods of solving common problems as well as building the foundations for lasting relationships with your children.
We hope to instill innovative ways of:
* Coping with negative feelings your child may have, such as anger and frustration
* Expressing feelings without being hurtful, resentful, or mean
* Engaging your child's willingness to cooperate
* Setting reasonable and firm limits and rules with your child while maintenance goodwill
* Using alternative discipline methods that promote good choices and understanding of bad choices
* Understanding helpful and unhelpful ways of communication, praise, and criticism
* Resolving family conflicts in peaceable ways
Let's get started!
Blended explores stepfamilies from the inside out through the perspectives of thirty writers who know what it’s like first hand. Sometimes funny, often poignant, and always deeply personal, the stories in Blended capture the essence of stepfamilies in all of their weird and wonderful varieties. The journeys range from the first encounters between new step-relatives, to marriages, honeymoons, daily experiences, and divorces. The diverse voices in Blended reflect the realities of today’s world, in which yesterday’s ideas of family structures and types just don’t cut it anymore. Parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins: all of these relationships change when families are melded into one, and the writers of Blended help explore the truth of what these new relationships look like, and, especially, feel like. Blended offers something for everyone: laughter, wisdom, empathy, and guidance, and, above all, the knowledge that you are not alone.
Saleema Noon knows all about these fears and concerns. An expert in sexual health education and stepparent to two teenage daughters herself, she understands the challenges adults face when addressing sensitive topics with their kids.
In Talk Sex Today,Noon delivers an intelligent and sensible blend of current, inclusive, and practical information for children and teens – and the adults who love them. Noon builds on the foundational work of iconic sexual health educator Meg Hickling and her bestselling Speaking of Sex books to offer adults a break-through guide on teaching “body science.”
Together, with a combined 40 years of experience, Noon and Hickling broach a host of topics including:gender identity and stereotypes sexual diversity sexual consent bullying and harassment fostering healthy body image internet safety managing media influence pornography sexual decision-making teaching sexual health to children and teens with special needs
Not afraid of controversy and firm in her belief that knowledge is power, Noon’s broadly inclusive approach shines with the affirmation that every person – regardless of race, religion, age, ability, gender identity, gender expression and sexual attraction – deserves respect and the information that will keep them safe.
This is the ultimate guide to teaching children about sexual health and is ideal for educators and parents alike.
The Guide to Honest Parenting is a revolutionary, yet common sense approach to parenting children and teens with behavioral and emotional issues and improving relationships. This book contains information that can also help parents of kids without these challenges to raise children who make better decisions now, and later in life. It is designed to help parents, stepparents, foster parents, grandparents, and teachers of children diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, and many other diagnoses...OR... no diagnosis at all. This is not just for parents of kids with behavior problems, but those parents will appreciate the relief and seeing progress the most. If your child or adolescent is angry, secretive, dishonest, argumentative, aggressive, verbally or physically abusive, destructive, disrespectful, etc., then you truly need to read this book. This parenting style uses no tricks, or "reverse psychology." If you've tried programs that don't work, this is your answer. It's effective, easy to understand, and offers information and help that you won't find elsewhere.
Starting with a discussion of attachment styles, the authors explore how those styles translate into the new family unit when trying to forge a new marriage while parenting tween and teen children in a family unit that is new to them as well. They provide parenting guidance premised on the fact that parenting occurs within a context, and in this case, a context that is unfamiliar territory for everyone involved. Using true stories throughout, they explore the variety of challenges that may arise, such as sibling rivalry, puberty, dating, emotional and intellectual differences, and preferential treatment, and offer suggestions for overcoming obstacles to fully blending. By focusing the light on the marriage as the most important source of stability, the authors encourage readers to develop a style of parenting that works for everyone and brings a sense of unity and strength to the household.
Meet and build relationships with potential stepchildrenHandle situations involving the other biological parentInvolve stepchildren in the weddingBe an involved stepparent without overstepping boundariesMake tough decisions about money, education, and more
This comprehensive resource covers dozens of different situationsùfrom battling the wicked stepparent stereotype to mediating interactions between stepsiblings. Written by a licensed mental health counselor and experienced stepparent, this book will help future stepparents start off their new lives on the right foot.
Dealing with stepparents isn’t just a kid’s problem anymore. With more and more older parents remarrying, you could be one of the many adults having to deal with the issues that arise from these later-in-life unions. Luckily, Terri P. Smith is here to help you out with what to do after your parent walks down the aisle, again.
Smith deals with conflicts such as:Sharing time between stepfamiliesManaging family ritualsFiguring out what to do with prized possessionsHandling wills, inheritances, and trust fundsLiving arrangementsCaregiving and illnessBuilding relationships with grandchildren—his and hersManeuvering holidays and vacationsThese practical solutions and emotionally satisfying answers will relieve the strain of your parent’s remarrying, and allow you to enjoy your new extended family.
Babygate breaks down the laws on topics across the parenthood spectrum in clear, conversational language, and includes a state-by-state guide so readers know exactly how they're protected (or not) in their hometowns. Best of all, Babygate includes a road map for confronting family-responsibilities discrimination, and a concrete plan for creating a more family-friendly nation.
In Babygate, three legal experts share practical tips, real-life stories from moms and dads, and key legal information to spotlight the protections expecting and new parents have (and don't have) in the workplace. This step-by-step guide covers everything from morning sickness to maternity leave to confronting discrimination on the job. Includes quizzes, charts, checklists, sample letters to employers, and a comprehensive breakdown of individual state laws on pregnancy, parenthood, and the workplace.
She's the stepmother, and sometimes she feels as if she's never played a more thankless role. It doesn't have to be that way. With this book, the stepmother will find the advice she needs to win over even the most resistant children. This honest, practical guide written by a therapist and stepmother who's been there shows stepmothers the best ways to handle the most challenging situations, including how to:Get off on the right foot from "hello"Build a relationship with each childShare Daddy with his childrenDefine boundaries as a coupleNegotiate issues with Dad as well as the kidsDeal with their "real" momSurvive holidays, birthdays, and school vacationsCreate family rituals With this book, millions of stepmothers find the strategies they need to safeguard their new marriage and establish a happy, peaceful new blended family.
There are a number of books on the successes and difficulties of second marriages that involve children, but most of these look at problems from the perspective of one or both spouses. Popular literature in particular had emphasized the problem of the new spouse who âinherits a family,â without really focusing on the relationships among stepsiblings. Strangers in the House focuses on the children of these marriages- both stepsiblings and half-siblings, and the relationships among them with the parents. It is a report on how they are faring, drawn from the results of original research by the author: case studies of stepfamilies, interviews with stepsiblings and half-siblings, a survey of members of the Stepfamily Association of America, and participation in three step family self-help groups. The result is a vivid portrait of nontraditional family constellations that provides an overview of changes in American families, the increased divorce and remarriage rates, and how stepfamilies differ from other families. Beer identifies major problem areas in stepsibling relations and shows how youngsters are adapting to these special situations. He examines classic rivalries over love, attention, space, and property shows how these are worked out within these special circumstances. The book concludes with an overview of the dynamics of sibling relations in these special families and analyzes how the stepsibling subsystem fits into the larger family structure. Beer shows that in many respects the problems of these families characterize changes in the social structure in postindustrial society.
Saving Sarah will be followed by other practical books and resources to provide practical support for struggling families around the world.
As a mother, it almost broke me as I watched my daughter, my first-born; my beautiful baby girl, spiral out of control. I had no idea how to stop it; it was like a relentless fire burning through our home and destroying everything in its wake.
Behind the perfect family façade, my family was being torn apart as Sarah struggled with ADHD and the side effects brought on by the drugs. Sarah was medicated, I was depressed and anxious, and my marriage and dreams of a happy family were crashing down around me.
We tried different types of medication; various parenting styles and listened to the conflicting medical advice about how to 'fix' our daughter. We spent thousands of dollars, until one day, broken, depressed and at rock bottom, I found my strength and realised that I had to fix it; I had to make everything right.
The day that we stepped away from all the advice, the drugs, the tests, the opinions, and the labels was the day that we saved our family, it was the day that I saved my sanity, but more importantly, it's the day that we saved Sarah.
Two years on and Sarah’s future looks very different. Instead of struggling through life, she is now thriving. She is brave, she is resilient, she is strong and kind, but most importantly she has taught all of us that even in the face of adversity, you can rise up and shine.
The journey wasn’t easy. It took courage, patience and strength, as I went against all medical advice and took the biggest leap of faith I had ever taken…and it worked!
I am sharing Sarah's story to let other parents know that there can be another way and that miracles do happen, because a miracle happened to us.
ADHD, it’s just a different way to be. - Susy
I think that the Doctors don’t know what they are doing. Children are really scared, and the Doctors don’t know what the children are actually capable of. When they know, they will see that they are beautiful children, and they don’t need medication. - Sarah
This short story and others in my Martin Family and Friends Series will have you laughing and cheering and relating at the same time. ENJOY ThANK YOU JANET HILL!