More featuring humor
This book is not affiliated with the company of Walmart. So many other books talk about the company and the boring fiscal details. The customers and their antics are so much more interesting, and they are what this book talks about! Their real antics are revealed through the eyes of a young woman who saw these people every day as an employee and a fellow customer.
11,002 Things to Be Miserable About is a list of all the reasons NOT to wake up in the morning. Ironically enough, when you put all of them under one cover, it’s actually very funny. This decidedly absurd inventory of misery is perfect for sardonic and disaffected youth, for people seeking gifts for Traumatic Event Birthdays (like 21, 25, 30, 40, and, well, anything after 40), and for anyone else with an offbeat sense of humor. Enjoy. Some of the entries are pretty basic, like imitation crabmeat, student loans, and David Hasselhoff, but other entries actually include educational things, like dust mites, which make up one-third of the weight of a six-year-old pillow. See, you can laugh and learn.
Atwood distinguishes quips from jokes on the basis of their objectives. The difference between them, he maintains, is that the objective of jokes is to get laughs while the objective of quips is to express opinions. He advocates employing alliteration and rhyme in quips because, they are the music of language that increase the likelihood that opinions will make impressions, have staying power and be repeated.
Insofar as the sub-title Resource for writers when good enough isnt is concerned, extensive lists of verbs, adverbs and adjectives sans, definitions listed alphabetically in Quip Thesaurus appendices for creating quips, are convenient resources for anyone looking for the most effective words to express themselves or anxious to confirm those they have in mind are the most effective. All such words are in dictionaries, of course, but wading hundreds of thousands of definitions in tiny print to find them can be a tedious, tiresome and time-consuming task.
Another friend stated, These stories are outrageous! and his statement gave me an idea for the subtitle.
My reply to these friends is, But they are all true. In fact, you should have heard the ones I rejected, in the interest of propriety.
According to my three children, belonging to a family in which both parents are physicians requires a strong constitution. Stories shared at the dinner table were sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes carried a moral, and often involved gory details, which my children would have preferred we left out.
One of the stories with a moral was that of a teenager, who hitched a ride with a man, who was driving drunk. In the accident, which caused the young man to be brought to the E. R., he sustained severe abdominal injuries and lost his spleen.
That day the moral of the story was, Do not hitch hike!
DUI, became the dinner topic on the day when an injured, drunk patient was brought in to the E. R. after running his car into a parked patrol cruiser.
My stories are short and pithy.
They will make you laugh.
They will make you cry.
They will make you shake your head, for whatever reason.
They will make you wish you had shared a story.
They will make you healthy, because laughter is good medicine.
Whether it be the story of how his sister celebrates Christmas in The Twelve Weeks of Advent, or how German words can be misinterpreted in English in A Good Fahrt.and a Douche, the anecdotes have a personal touch with which the reader can connect. A 22-year-old grudge is settled in the story Toothpaste, Mayonnaise, and Big Ben while fundraising for a new church in Canada is detailed in A Pregnant Nun and a Chicken at Mass.
Not far away from any story, is Gerrys wife (the Queen), his daughters (the Princesses), and his serf sons-in-law. Loose Screws is a unique view of a life through the eyes of the one who lived it, a kid from the Bronx.
A little humor is a deadly thing to liberals. Global warming is a religion. School vouchers are a greater threat than terrorism. They see racism everywhere. Fracking is Frankensteinian. Anything good for America is bad. Wright shares his strategies with you on how to make your way through that world, and have a great time while doing it.
He suggests profiting like Al Jazeera Gore from the unwinnable fight against climate change and sneaking plastic bottles into your liberal neighbors paper-only bin in the dead of night.
It would be prudent to slip this book into that jacket your child made at preschool. If you are reading it on a tablet, be prepared to press the Bats Endangered button if you sense someone peeking.
Looking to store several step ladders or conceal a secret collection of owls? The garage is the place.
Maybe you just want to whistle, drum or shout 'Ow my thumb!' without being told to shut up. The garage is waiting.
This book celebrates the garage and all that happens in it. Even the fires.
For in the midst of those soulless sceneries and vacant vistas there lies a wealth of fascinating detail. Look up! Look carefully all around! Where once there was monotony, now there is intrigue in abundance; sights and sounds sure to delight and amuse, amaze and entertain, to brighten each and every day - for once you spot, you can’t stop.
The Modern Day Spotter’s Guide brings together the fun and frustrating, the maddening and the mundane, the good, the bad and the ugly to offer you a list of unlikely things to spot on your daily trudge through life. So be sure to keep your eyes peeled: for whether it be a cat with a moustache, a hopelessly lost tourist, a pigeon with one foot, an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction or the face of Jesus in your soup, the world is waiting to be spotted.
See things a little differently. And, remember, life is in the details – don’t let them pass you by.
Wasn't it smart of God to...design us to sneeze out instead of in?have rain fall in little drops instead of one big one?give us old age so we'll look forward to heaven?devise human legs so they can straddle horses and Harleys?make us curious so we'll seek Him?
Fun and thought-provoking, Wasn't It Smart of God To... is filled with the little and big things around us that highlight God's creativity and make our lives interesting and wonderful.
Never, ever again will you want for an excuse for not writing, calling, IMing, or emailing. Fake communication breakdowns make fail-safe excuses for a myriad of don't wannas and didn't do its. "All's Fair in Love" contains excuses for not calling, not going on the second date, forgetting the birthday or anniversary of the one you love. Plus how to retreat with remorse, even from the altar steps. Hint: You could have your mother or your manager phone it in. That's what Julia Roberts did.
* Hundreds of excuses for thousands of situations, plus "The Excuse Clinic: How to Make Lame Excuses Walk and Okay Excuses Sing."* Life is serious business, people, so pay attention. Let Addie help you off the hook.
* Most men think of themselves as average-looking. Being average does not bother them; average is fine for men. This is why men never ask anybody how they look. Their primary form of beauty care is to shave themselves, which is essentially the same form of beauty care they give their lawns. If, at the end of his four-minute daily beauty regimen, a man has managed to wipe most of the shaving cream out of his hair and is not bleeding too badly, he feels he has done all he can, so he stops thinking about his appearance and devotes his mind to more critical issues, such as the Super Bowl.
* If you're a man, at some point a woman will ask you how she looks. "How do I look?" she'll ask. You must be careful how you answer this question. The best technique is to form an honest yet sensitive opinion, then collapse on the floor with some kind of fatal seizure. Trust me, this is the easiest way out. Because you will never come up with the right answer.
* Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Lyme Loonies is a book created in solidarity with those familiar with Lyme disease. You will laugh and maybe even cry, definitely shake your head then most likely smile. Your palm also might hit your face a little too hard a couple times, but a sense of relief will follow knowing that you are not alone. It is a book to share with family, friends and those who are unaware of Lyme, because education and awareness will bring the change we all want, need and deserve.
If laughter really is the best medicine, then a daily dose of Lyme Loonies is just what you need.
Co-edikit tackles our most complicated, fun, and devoted relationship--sisterhood--with its characteristically witty wisecracks.
Cheryl Caldwell pens her third Co-edikit title, which combines her lively trademark character illustrations with to-the-point relationship observations on the subject of sisterhood.
Warm thoughts like, "You've loved me when I've been full of joy, full of myself, or full of crap," meld with popular Co-edikit witticisms such as, "When boys think, their brains explode" and "Where are we going and why are we in this handbasket?"
But by virtue of his name, he always felt a connection to the letter, and his experiences as an English teacher, library administrator, and newspaper reporter instilled in him a deep appreciation for the misunderstood letter.
He takes a humorous but informative approach in defending the letter, exploring questions such as:
Why do we have the same pronunciations for to, two, and too?
What words should include a W but dont?
Would using more Ws save letter space in our writings?
What would an English alphabet for the twenty-first century look like?
White blames the French for the Polish language ending up with too many consonants, and he argues that there is an ancient, worldwide conspiracy against the letter, which really should be written as a Double-U instead of a Double-V.
Take a hilarious journey that will teach you things about the English language you had no idea you didnt know, including why we should all stand up In Defence of the Letter Double-U.
Prince Roderick grew up in the country, learned how to build houses, played in a family band since age eleven, hunted, fished, and explored the outdoors. Kimberella lived in the city, took piano lessons, baked, knitted, and never quite grew up.
As husband and wife, they manage to compromise by building two houses, playing in bands, and living in Kimberellas childhood home in the city. They also go hunting, fishing, and camping together.
They raised a son and daughter, who are both married, each having two children of their own. Their dog, Fudgy, is the master of the house.
Jack and the Old Folk Band consists of themselves along with their son and DJ. They will play your special request; you just may not recognize it as such.
One thing all of the characters have in common is that they are God-loving Christians who go about their lives the best way then can, using Gods Holy Bible as their guide.
Kimberella hopes that after reading this book every day for a year, and hopefully for many years to come, you will pick up your Bible and read it to receive Gods message for you to get through any situation that may arise.
Please note: Fifty percent of these stories are real-life experiences, which is unfortunate in some cases, and is the reason why a few people insisted that a book be written about them. And so it has.