We also see people having clear goals ... and it's quite interesting... looking like a more organised person which is dreaming.
... on and on and on.
And the truth is ... that the human being could be defined as a machine ... that is always coming up with new and new desires.
I look into my past ... and i see myself saying in front of the Universe ... i want that and that ... and that.
And ... i can't stop myself ... even if i know that same as Budha said ... the desire itself is the source of all the human pain.
I smile realising how i've wasted my life chasing for on million contradictory desires.
... but also honestly realising ... this is a non ending story.
So ... starting a weird process of self therapy... analysing all those desires ... especially the ones that obsessed myself ... I've finally concluded that in fact ... i want more to "taste" those desires.
It was like i loved Rolls Royce... and i wanted to drive such an amazing car ... but i did not really wanting to pay such a huge price for this car .... the maintenance ... the taxes …the insurance etc.
In fact ... all i wanted was to ... drive it ... for a while ... and enjoy the sensation of doing it.
And the list of similar desires ... was so damn long ...
So ... i wanted that ... and that and that ... hoping in fact that ... i'll get some sensations... which will bring me nice vibes into my soul.
But .... It was only one problem.
I did not really wanted to ... pay the price.
Almost ... for any of those desires which were dominating obsessively my existence.
Time was passing ... and i was somehow ending all the time ... being sad and disappointed.... cause my desires did not became real.
Not all of them ... but many.
But ... i've also noticed with some of those weird desires which i had .... that they were not what I've imagined.
It was indeed all ... illusory.
I could simple try and test all ... simple paying a price ... like renting the Rolls ... and see if i really want such a car.
It was not that i could afford it ... but i could try to taste it ... by paying a minimum price for that ... only to understand better if that was a good path to follow or not.
I had to insert ... a coin.
But i was not really ready to do it.
Yes ... not even pay ... a vey little price for it.
I was just dreaming ... so nicely pretending i have clear goals with my life ... but all i was doing was to allow being dominated by those illusory desires.
And this moment when i've understood i have only 3 choices... my life changed.
Firstly ... I could ... stop dreaming.
Or i could pay the price of getting that desire ... and stop being so stupid ... believing that a great dream ... costs 2 pennies.
Or ... i could simple .... "taste" a little bit that desire .... see if i really want it ... and then decide if i delete that obsession from my mind ... or not.
So ... all was about ... insert coin ... paying the price for it ... or .... simply stop myself dreaming with my eyes opened... like an idiot.
I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.