I had times into my life ... when all was collapsing around myself.
All ... all ...
I could not believe it.
I was living ... a non ending nightmare.
I was waking up ... and first thing i was doing was to ask myself ... what the hell is going to happen to me again.
Bottomline ... it was horrible.
And ... i could not stand it anymore.
But ... unfortunately... i could not stop those ugly energetic waves around myself.
I was meditating ... asking myself ... why?!
I was even praying ... saying ... "God ... stop it! Please .... I beg you!".
I felt ... annoyed, frustrated ... and even cursed ... but i could not see any way out of this.
I was in fact trapped ... into a storm of ugly energies... which were ruining my soul.
On ... and on ... and on.
So ... i've started to feel that i hate God for what was doing to me ... but i could not accept that all was actually a karmic storm ... having the purpose to remind me of all the stupid things i've done into my past.
Today ... i see a friend of mine living such a scenario.
He's ... actually... not a real friend... but we have a good connection.
I see him .... living a similar scenario with what happened to me.
His businesses are collapsing.
He has huge legal problems.
He even lives with the impression that he is under the observation of the secret services.
All his life ... it's a nightmare.
But i also know his past and all the stupid things he had been done.
Which in fact ... are very similar with the mistakes ... i've done.
Today ... he's annoyed, frustrated ... and feel cursed.
Same as i've felt.
He cannot handle anymore ...
And ... i also see at him ... a very weird thing i was thinking too into my tough times.
He believes .... he was a good actor on the stage of life ... and even a positive character.
Seeing all like a total nonsense... instead of understanding deeper his past ... i believe that ... speaking with the Universe he asks ... "Why are you doing this to me God?! Why?! Why this charade?!"
But ... all it's actually a karmic charade.
A flux of extremely powerful energies ... looking like ugly events having the only purpose to destroy him.
I look at him ... and i smile.
I continue listening to him ... and i laugh.
And ... you might say that i am a bad person ... laughing of my friend.
Or ... that i am even ... evil.
But ... i am laughing... not of him .... but of me.
Today ... i see in his story ... my own story ... and the way i was playing into those times.
I ... somehow ... start to understand the meaning of a karmic storm.
And i also understand their whole meaning.
Yes .... those powerful ugly energies ... destroy us ... but not the soul, as we might believe.
No ....
All it's actually destroying ... that ugly character i was interpreting.
... and my friend was interpreting.
And ... we hated the Universe for that ... defining the karmic storm ... as a curse.
But ... it was a blessing.
So ... i continue laughing of my friend ... laughing in fact ... of how idiot i could be.
Cause ... i really thought ... the Infinite Intelligence ... lost its compass ... but us the humans were in fact doing that ... consciously and unconsciously .... by such a long, long time.
I've started to write my first book at 16 ... but then ... realizing i could not publish it ... i've abandoned the idea of being a ... writer.
20 years later ... i've started to write again ... believing i will finally succeed ... but i've failed one more time ... not getting the success i was chasing for.
Another 5 years later ... i've started one more time to write ... but this time ... more as a therapy.
It's what i've defined as ... self therapy.
I was analyzing and defining lots of weird ideas ... that were a lot related to me ... and my own soul.
I totally forgot that i was chasing for success.
I was simple writing my thoughts ... in essays ... becoming this way ... maybe not a writer .... but what many define as ... an essayist.
This is not a poet ... and not a writer.
Or maybe is kind of a poet that is incapable of writing poetry ... but is still expressing his thoughts ... into a similar way ... as a poet.
And is not a writer ... cause have not the ability to write for too long time ... about the same subject.
But maybe i am not an essayist... either.
I am just an ordinary person ... that could be better defined ... as a thinker.
Analyzing ... and defining my life ... practicing this process called ... self therapy ... i started to understand life ... and the way to better paths which i should follow.
And i've wrote ... and wrote ... and wrote ... realizing one day that i've published tens of books .... not really understanding how the hell I've succeeded doing that.
Today i dare to recommend writing ... as a therapy.
I could even say ... it's a simple way of understanding who we are ... but also a process that could help us ... heal our souls.
I personally continue to ... write.
It's in fact ... a non ending story that ... at least for myself ... will probably continue for the rest of my life.
But over all ... i am glad ... i am doing it.
I continue my philosophical journey ... not being able to define myself for clear as a writer or an essayist... but ...
Well .... most probably... i am on a good path.
And ... i would dare to recommend to everyone ... all what i am doing today.