Beyond the Breakup: Understanding Your Ex-Boyfriend from the Male Perspective

Andrew Aitken

Apr 2015 · Andrew Aitken

About this ebook

Written by a man with extensive experience on the topic, Beyond the Breakup explains how men think about breakups, their ex-girlfriend, and how they perceive her behavior in the wake of a relationship's end. It also explains the implications this has for girls who are going through a breakup: what will and won't have an emotional effect on him, how to maximize your chances of getting him back, how and when you should contact him, what you should (and shouldn't) say, how to deal with seeing him again, and much more. The list of the chapter titles below give a good overview of the content. 

This book is not written for women with a weak spirit. It isn’t going to tell you how to mitigate the pain you feel in the wake of a breakup, and it isn’t going to tell you that everything is going to be fine. And while it will tell you how to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, it isn’t going to pretend that there are any ‘tricks’ to make that outcome likely. However, it will do something much more important: it will give you a strong insight into your ex’s state of mind and male psychology in general. This will give you the foundation you need to navigate the breakup and – more importantly – propel yourself into honest and successful relationships with the men in your future. 

Chapter List: 

Introduction 

PART I – UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPENED 

Men Don’t Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment
Why This Always Happens to You
Changing Your Perspective
Why You Didn’t See It Coming
Men Don’t Have “Commitment Problems”
The Difference Between Liking You and Liking You Enough
Why Men “Fade Out”
You Weren’t Dating Him in the First Place
The Small Things Didn’t Matter Anyway
Why Your Ex (Who Dumped You) Is Still Contacting You
Your Ex and Guilt
Your Ex and Pride
Your Ex and Decisiveness
Interpreting His Emotions
What’s Going Through His Mind

PART II – HOW TO HANDLE THE BREAKUP 

The Importance of Silence after a Breakup
No, You Can’t Be “Just Friends”
How to Know If You Should Cut Him Off
Why It’s Never Too Late
Why You Should Tell Him That You Are Cutting Him Off
What to Say
Managing Your Expectations
When You Should Fight to Save Your Relationship
Exceptions to the Rule
How to Know If You Should Dump Him First
When He Cheats
The Anatomy of Missing Him

PART III – FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH THE BREAKUP 

Making Him Jealous Doesn’t Work
Seeing Him at Work
Being Connected with Your Ex on Social Media
Returning His Things and Getting Yours Back
What to Do When He Contacts You
When He Says He Wants Another Chance
Reason and Distraction
Stop Sleeping with Your Ex to Prove He Likes You

PART IV – MOVING ON AND REBUILDING 

You Are Responsible for Your Own Romantic Happiness
Stop Letting Him Waste Your Time
Know Why You Want Him Back
Why Getting Him Back Won’t Help
Why Getting Dumped Is a Good Thing
The Importance of Emotional Honesty
Dating Again
Putting the Breakup in Perspective
When You Can Contact Him Again
Reframing the Future

A Final Word

Ratings and reviews

This is a very practical and interesting book. As far as addressing the issue of trying to understand a male perspective, it does do this to a large extent. I would like to see a book by this author in 25 years time with more long term relationship experience, as this book only considers briefer relationships from a particular perspective. This is OK if you fall into that age/commitment level category. If your situation lies out side that, perhaps involving more of what we call 'life' events (long term or marriage/kids/joint assets/mental health issues/physical health issues/stress etc) the practical advice will still work but you will question the black and white approach a little more.

I loved this book! It's been a while since a book has kept my attention, but I couldn't stop reading this one. It's got very helpful and honest information. Like someone said in another review, I wish I would have read this a long time ago. It would have saved me so much heartache!

Wow, the content of this book is invaluable especially for women who struggle with self esteem issues and negative dating patterns. I also loved the style in which it was written. Very astute very direct, every word made perfect sense. Wish there were others by him I could read!