Well, not this one.
This is a collection of the world's most cringe-worthy jokes told by Tony Husband, proud contender for the title of world's worst joke-teller. Jokes so awful they will make you wince, groan and bang your head in disbelief. And should you tell them to your friends, they won't be your friends much longer. Dip in, and prepare not to be amused.
Look upon these works and despair and/or giggle:
I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.
Went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before. The plot thickens.
Green men make me cross
’My nephew would like to borrow your Toy Story costume.’
If Catwoman decided to go to Nepal, what would Catman do?
Got a free chimney the other day. It was on the house.
K e v i n (Kevin Spacey)
From the profane to the ridiculous, these laugh-at-loud nuggets of advice, with absurd and informative illustrations, will change your life in a hugely insignificant way.
BORED of a friend's text messages? Reply with 'unsubscribe' and they'll get the hint.
SPICE up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread.
STOP your dog from pulling on its lead by walking a bit faster.
PREPARE your children for office life by acting awkwardly around them in the kitchen.
AVOID the hassle and expense of hair straighteners by not eating your crusts.
Dave Vitty, aka Radio 1's Comedy Dave, has worked his way from the backrooms of BBC radio to the biggest breakfast show on the airwaves and has a story to tell. He's played Glastonbury - twice - he's had his ear licked by Dave Grohl and he's written more 'Car Park Catchphrases' than you can shake a stick at.
Dave's first attempt at being a proper writer is a collection of his stories, misadventures, songs, anecdotes and pictures from his phone all linked together in a far from tedious way. Less Lord of the Rings and more 'Lord of the Things', there's a lot of comedy value in Dave's excellent book.
Sharing never-before-heard stories ranging from their struggles with depression, eating disorders, and addiction, Karen and Georgia irreverently recount their biggest mistakes and deepest fears, reflecting on the formative life events that shaped them into two of the most followed voices in the nation.
In Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered, Karen and Georgia focus on the importance of self-advocating and valuing personal safety over being ‘nice’ or ‘helpful.’ They delve into their own pasts, true crime stories, and beyond to discuss meaningful cultural and societal issues with fierce empathy and unapologetic frankness.
“In many respects, Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered distills the My Favorite Murder podcast into its most essential elements: Georgia and Karen. They lay themselves bare on the page, in all of their neuroses, triumphs, failures, and struggles. From eating disorders to substance abuse and kleptomania to the wonders of therapy, Kilgariff and Hardstark recount their lives with honesty, humor, and compassion, offering their best unqualified life-advice along the way.” —Entertainment Weekly
“Like the podcast, the book offers funny, feminist advice for survival—both in the sense of not getting killed and just, like, getting a job and working through your personal shit so you can pay your bills and have friends.” —Rolling Stone
At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.