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 Get ready to unwrap your gifts early this year! 
Stuff your festive stockings with this collection of the weirdest, wildest holiday fiction this side of Charlie’s Dickens. Get your bells jingling and jangling with these tales of mistletoe madness, festive fury, and holiday havoc from some of the most bizarre minds in fiction! 
Featuring: 
Steve Brewer (Jackie Nolan series; Side Eye
Sarah L. Johnson (Suicide Stitch; Infractus
David James Keaton (The Last Projector; Stealing Propeller Hats from the Dead
Jessica McHugh (Pins; Rabbits in the Garden
Brent Nichols (Stars Like Cold Fire; Black Dragon Blues
Scott S. Phillips (Pete, Drinker of Blood; Gun Up
Will Viharo (Vic Valentine, PI series; A Mermaid Drowns in the Midnight Lounge
Laurie Zottman (Dark Little Therapist)
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Additional Information

Publisher
Coffin Hop Press
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Published on
Nov 16, 2017
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Pages
276
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ISBN
9780994737878
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Language
English
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Genres
Fiction / Holidays
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Eligible for Family Library

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Fish Bites Cop! Stories To Bash Authorities is a collection of horror, dark crime, pulp, and slipstream lampoonery that gleefully rips on police officers, security guards, organized religion, firefighters, police officers, bounty hunters, paramedics, police officers, military, middle management, and even more police officers. Bad cop movies are usually just bad cop movies. It's time they paid for it.

Inside you'll find dyslexic paramedics with dog complexes. Reality TV after the apocalypse. A young couple followed by a cop, follows him right back, the follows him some more. Three stories with umlauts in their titles. A cat program at a prison gone horribly wrong. The case against Tasers. The case for squirt guns. The case against bad hand acting. Hands missing thumbs. Hands slipping cuffs. Hands with birth defects that resemble the Loch Ness Monster but kick ass making shadow animals. A bad father and even worse boyfriend hits the reset button on his life until he really gets it wrong. A buddy-cop movie as a Shakespearean play. A guy named "Heck" who discovers Hell. Snipping plastic testicles off pick-up trucks. Cowboys so drunk they catch on fire. A horse that won't die. A ball pit full of spiders (preferable to children). A clam-digging competition between brothers that turns deadly. The disappearance of the bees finally revealed. And ten cops killed for a goldfish cracker. Or nine. A trunk full of surprises guaranteed.

“Bizarre and hysterically twisted, these stories crisscross between the satirical and the pulpy at a maddening pace. I endorse this crazy-ass book! Wild ride. David James Keaton is a writer to keep an eye on.” —Frank Bill, author of  Donnybrook and Crimes in Southern Indiana

"David James Keaton’s read his Beckett, sure. And he knows his Pynchon. But he also knows his Herschell Gordon Lewis, his Quentin Tarantino. Some of the leaps the final story makes floored me, made me jealous. This is exquisite writing and fast-paced storytelling—the peanut butter and chocolate of fiction. Bet you can’t read just one.” —Stephen Graham Jones, author of The Last Final Girl and Growing Up Dead in Texas

“If you’re a cop, have ever known a cop, or been arrested by one, or even if you’re just one of those people who are scared of cops, FISH BITES COP! is the collection you must read. Also if you like watching, catching, or eating fish. Or cops.” —Scott Phillips, author of The Adjustment and The Ice Harvest

“Don’t expect any nice-making from David James Keaton. FISH BITES COP! is full of people acting badly, and it’s as fun to watch them self-destruct as it is to watch a ten-car pileup on the interstate. Trust me: you’ll enjoy your couple of hours rubbernecking.” —Kyle Minor, author of Praying Drunk and In the Devil’s Territory


NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “[Debbie] Macomber brings her signature charm to this appealing tale of an aspiring chef. . . . This charmer will please Macomber fans and newcomers alike.”—Publishers Weekly

Debbie Macomber brings us to the Alaskan wilderness for a magical Christmas tale about finding love where it’s least expected.

Before beginning her dream job as sous chef in one of Seattle’s hottest new restaurants, Josie Avery takes a summer position cooking at a lakeside lodge in the remote Alaskan town of Ponder. Josie falls for the rustic charms of the local community—including Jack Corcoran, the crotchety keeper of Ponder’s famed sourdough starter, and, in particular, the quiet and intense Palmer Saxon, a famed master swordsmith.

Josie and Palmer become close during the long Alaskan summer days, but Josie knows that, come fall, she’ll be returning to reality and the career she’s worked so hard for. Palmer, on the other hand, would like nothing better than to make Josie his wife and to keep her in Ponder. But Josie can’t imagine abandoning her mother back in the Emerald City and sacrificing her career to stay in this isolated town—not even for a man she’s quickly coming to love.

Fate has other plans. Josie misses the last boat out of town before winter sets in, stranding her in Ponder and putting her dream job at risk. As the holidays approach, Josie and Palmer must grapple with the complications that arise when dreams confront reality, and the Christmas magic that can happen when they put their faith in love.

Debbie Macomber is at her best in this beautiful holiday story about the far journeys we travel to find a place to call home.
 Get all three volumes of the epic trilogy in one volume. 

BONE MAGIC 

The war was supposed to be over.

Tira Archer is done with killing, done with fighting. She's hung up her bow, saddled her mule, and headed for home. But children are disappearing from the peaceful village of Raven Crossing. Her search for the children brings her face to face with vicious kidnappers, goblin armies, and mercenary dwarves. A war is brewing, and not just any war. It's a war where the dead don't stay fallen. 

Hurt, exhausted, and sick of fighting, Tira will have to take up her bow once again. Somewhere there is a dark wizard manipulating the living and controlling the dead. Tira is saving an arrow just for him. He plans to rule the world, but he hasn't planned on Tira Archer. 

GIRL IN THE SHADOWS 

Tira is after a necromancer who uses the dead as puppets in her mad schemes. She gets sidetracked BY Su, who's on the run from nasty bounty hunters, Alerak, who thinks Su is a murderer, and Roth, assassin turned priest, who's hunting the real killer. Tira senses the hand of the necromancer behind it all. Now she has to rescue Su from the gallows, pluck Roth from the clutches of pirates, keep Alerak from a deadly trap, and lead them all in an assault on a fortress. Tira's going to bring down a necromancer, and may the gods help anyone who gets in her way! 

THE GOBLIN KING 

When a dead king rises to reclaim his throne, Tira Archer and her companions see the hand of a dark sorceress behind it. They've sworn to finish the necromancer who's brought so much murder and destruction into their lives, but it won't be easy. They'll face assassins, a charming rogue with a hidden agenda, and an army of idealistic rebels who've sworn loyalty to a king ten years dead. 

Now they must ride into a goblin-infested wilderness and battle renegades and mercenaries to reach a mad sorceress and try to stop her before she can plunge an entire kingdom into war. They will pay a terrible price, but one way or another, the sorceress WILL be stopped.


keywords: sword and sorcery, high fantasy, epic fantasy, war, goblins, dwarves, elves, assassin, archer, sorceress, wizard, witch, battle, castle, swords, adventure

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