Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

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The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with "Answers to Ten Questions People Ask"

We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to:

· Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation 
· Start a conversation without defensiveness 
· Listen for the meaning of what is not said 
· Stay balanced in the face of attacks and accusations
· Move from emotion to productive problem solving
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About the author

Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have been consultants to businesspeople, governments, organizations, communities, and individuals around the world, and have written on negotiation and communication in publications ranging from the New York Times to Parents magazine. Bruce Patton is also a co-author of Getting to Yes. Each of them lives in Boston, Massachusetts.

Stone and Heen are the authors of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It Is Off Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered, and Frankly, You're Not in the Mood) (Viking/Penguin, 2014)

Roger Fisher is the Samuel Williston Professor of Law Emeritus, Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, and the founder of two consulting organizations devoted to strategic advice and negotiation training.

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Additional Information

Publisher
Penguin
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Published on
Nov 2, 2010
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Pages
352
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ISBN
9781101496763
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Features
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Language
English
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Genres
Business & Economics / Management Science
Psychology / Interpersonal Relations
Self-Help / Personal Growth / Success
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Eligible for Family Library

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This book contains specific, practical, and proven, psychological techniques that you can use to know a person's thoughts and feelings at anytime--often within minutes. Because the techniques can be applied instantly to any person in just about any situation, Dr. Lieberman has demonstrated their ease and accuracy on hundreds of television and radio programs. In a special report for FOX News, host Jeff Rosin declared, "It's simply amazing! I was with him and he was never wrong . . . not even once. I even learned how to do it and that's saying something." In fact, Dr. Lieberman has gone "head-to-head" on live television, with skilled polygraph examiners and scored just as well-every time. You Can Read Anyone shows step-by-step exactly how to tell what someone is thinking and feeling in real-life situations. And when the stakes are high-negotiations, interrogations, questions of abuse, theft, or fraud-- knowing who is out for you, and who is out to get you (or a loved one) can save you time, money, energy, and heartache. The New York Times put it best. In a feature article they simply said, "Don't lie to David Lieberman." And now you too, can learn the most important psychological tools governing human behavior and do more than just put the odds in your favor. Set up the game so that you can't lose. A peak inside: The Ultimate Bluff Buster - How would you like to know if the guy sitting across the poker table from you really has a full house or just a pair of deuces? Or if your top executive is serious about quitting if he doesn't get a raise? Find out if your opponent is feeling good about his chances or just putting up a good front dead giveaway a poker player is bluffing /sure fire sign good hand, even pros give themselves away Is This Person Hiding Anything? - Don't get the wool pulled over your eyes! The next time you have a "sneaking" suspicion, that someone may be "up" to something, casually find out if anyone- kids, coworker, spouse, or friend--is keeping something from you Is He Interested or Are You Wasting Your Time? - If you want to find out if your date likes you or not; if your co-worker is really interested in helping you with your project; or if your prospect is interested in your product, learn how to know, every time. Whose Side is She Really On? - Is she out for you, or to get you? If you think that someone may be sabotaging your efforts, when she appears to be cooperating, find out whose side anyone is on, and fast. Emotional Profile - Learn the signs of emotional instability and potential for violence. From a blind date to the baby-sitter to a coworker, know what to look for, and what questions to ask, in order to protect you and your loved ones.
This new model of human interaction has been chosen by Google to train the entire company worldwide (30,000 employees), is the #1 book for your career chosen by The Wall Street Journal’s website, and is labeled “phenomenal” by Lawyers’ Weekly and “brilliant” by Liza Oz of the Oprah network.
 
Based on more than 20 years of research and practice among 30,000 people in 45 countries, Getting More concludes that finding and valuing the other party’s emotions and perceptions creates far more value than the conventional wisdom of power and logic. It is intended to provide better agreements for everyone no matter what they negotiate – from jobs to kids to billion dollar deals to shopping.
 
The book, a New York Times bestseller and #1 Wall Street Journal business best seller, is based on Professor Stuart Diamond’s award-winning course at the Wharton Business School, where the course has been the most popular over 13 years. It challenges the conventional wisdom on every page, from “win-win” to BATNA to rationality to the use of power. Companies have made billions of dollars so far using his new model and parents have gotten their 4-year-olds to willingly brush their teeth and go to bed.
 
Prof. Diamond draws from his experience as a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist at The New York Times, Harvard-trained attorney, Wharton MBA, U.N. Consultant in many countries and manager and executive in many sectors, including technology, agriculture, medical services, finance, energy and aviation. “The ROI from reading Getting More will make it the best investment you make this year,” says Rhys Dekle, the business development head of the Microsoft Games division, which produces X-Box. He added that the book was his team’s best investment of the year too. The model was also used to quickly solve the 2008 Hollywood Writer’s Strike.
 
The advice is addressed through the insightful stories of more than 400 people who have used Prof. Diamond’s tools with great success: A 20% savings on an item already on sale. An extra $300 million profit in a business. A woman from India getting out of her own arranged marriage. Better relationships with the family, including teenagers. Raises at work. Better jobs. Dealing with emotional situations. Meeting one’s goals. Finding better things to trade. Solving cultural and political problems, sports conflicts, and ordinary arguments.
 
The book is intended to be used in any situation. The most common response is “life changing”, beginning on page one. “The most inspirational book I have read this year” said David Simon, an attorney in San Francisco, CA. “This book can change the world,” says Craig Silverman, Investment Advisor, Long Island, NY
The sages asked, “Who is mighty?” and answered, “That person who can control their own emotions and make, of an enemy, a friend.”
 
In the bestselling book The Go-Giver, Bob Burg and John David Mann revolutionized the way we think about success via one very simple lesson: “Shifting one’s focus from getting to giving (constantly and consistently providing value to others) is both very fulfilling and the most profitable way to do business.

Now Burg is back with a new book, offering deeper insight about what it means to be truly influential and providing powerful strategies for mastering the art of persuasion.
 
Faced with the task of persuading someone to do what we want, most of us expect, and often encounter, resistance. We see the other person as an adversary and often resort to coercion or manipulation in order to get our way. But while this approach might at times bring us short-term results, it leaves people with a bad feeling about themselves and about us. At that point, our relationship with the person is weakened and our influence dramatically decreased.
 
There is a better way.
 
Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls “ultimate influence”—the ability to win people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome…and about themselves!:

·Control your own emotions: Responding calmly rather than allowing your emotions to get the better of you will ensure not putting the other person on the defensive but rather help them remain open to your ideas.

·Understand the clash of belief systems: Every individual operates based on an unconscious set of beliefs, experiences, and ideas, which are most likely very different from yours. Understand this and you can avoid confusion and numerous misunderstandings that stand in the way of most people’s ability to influence.

·Acknowledge their ego: People want to feel good about themselves; if you make someone genuinely feel good, you’re one step closer to making an ally.

·Set the proper frame: People react and respond to other people. Approach potential conflicts from a position of benevolence, resolution, and helpfulness and they will follow suit.

·Communicate with tact and empathy: While the first four principles are vital, this is what brings it all home. Saying the right thing at the right time makes all the difference in terms of moving people to your side of the issue and taking the appropriate action that benefits all concerned.
 
In the tradition of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and Robert Cialdini's Influence, Burg offers a tried-and-true framework for building alliances at work, at home, and anywhere else you seek to win people over.
The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning

We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers—but also family, friends, and in-laws—they all have “suggestions” for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development—but we dread it and often dismiss it.

That’s because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life’s blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace.

The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we’ve got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating receivers— in the workplace and in personal relationships as well.

Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education.
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