Definitely True: Year One: A collection of lies from Jason van Gumster

· The Giant Coffee Blunderbuss

About this ebook

“The western coast of the Bering Strait is made out of chocolate.”

“James Kingswell, a high school teacher in the late 1930s, was the first person on record to be able to lick his own eyebrow.”

“Cocker spaniels can rotate their heads 720°, but only in one direction.”

“Nitroglycerin was originally used as a spice for tacos.”

These are examples of the delicious nuggets of misinformation packed into the pages of this book. There are 365 of them; one for each day of the year. Read through each one a day at a time, blow through them all at once, or use the handy (and thorough) index to find a lie about nearly any topic, from abbreviations to zoos.

A lie for every occasion! A misdirect for each day! A saddle for every ferret! Of course you can ride a ferret!

Approximately 44 hamsters died in their hamster wheels in order to transmit this message to your computer.

About the author

Formerly known as M.J. Guns, Ernie Vance is a pen name of Jason van Gumster with a particular focus on nerdy humor and general absurdity. This persona is the happy pit of cynical optimism and ironic wordplay. It’s a playground for the brain and you’re invited to be a part of the fun. Whether its with regularly shared lies or humorous adventures, Ernie’s words are sure to tickle your gray matter like a pointy stick.

Huh… I think I just said his words are like having a lobotomy. Let me check.

Yup. A lobotomy with words. But, like, a fun lobotomy. That’s what Ernie brings to the table.

If you’re a fan of ellipses, callbacks, strained metaphors, and parenthetical asides (like this one), then Ernie’s work is right up your alley… which is certainly a bright and cheerful alley. Not a dark alley where they give less entertaining lobotomies.

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