“James Kingswell, a high school teacher in the late 1930s, was the first person on record to be able to lick his own eyebrow.”
“Cocker spaniels can rotate their heads 720°, but only in one direction.”
“Nitroglycerin was originally used as a spice for tacos.”
These are examples of the delicious nuggets of misinformation packed into the pages of this book. There are 365 of them; one for each day of the year. Read through each one a day at a time, blow through them all at once, or use the handy (and thorough) index to find a lie about nearly any topic, from abbreviations to zoos.
A lie for every occasion! A misdirect for each day! A saddle for every ferret! Of course you can ride a ferret!
Approximately 44 hamsters died in their hamster wheels in order to transmit this message to your computer.
Formerly known as M.J. Guns, Ernie Vance is a pen name of Jason van Gumster with a particular focus on nerdy humor and general absurdity. This persona is the happy pit of cynical optimism and ironic wordplay. It’s a playground for the brain and you’re invited to be a part of the fun. Whether its with regularly shared lies or humorous adventures, Ernie’s words are sure to tickle your gray matter like a pointy stick.
Huh… I think I just said his words are like having a lobotomy. Let me check.
Yup. A lobotomy with words. But, like, a fun lobotomy. That’s what Ernie brings to the table.
If you’re a fan of ellipses, callbacks, strained metaphors, and parenthetical asides (like this one), then Ernie’s work is right up your alley… which is certainly a bright and cheerful alley. Not a dark alley where they give less entertaining lobotomies.
“A masterwork . . . the novel astonishes with its inventiveness . . . it is nothing less than a grand comic fugue.”—The New York Times Book Review
A Confederacy of Dunces is an American comic masterpiece. John Kennedy Toole's hero, one Ignatius J. Reilly, is "huge, obese, fractious, fastidious, a latter-day Gargantua, a Don Quixote of the French Quarter. His story bursts with wholly original characters, denizens of New Orleans' lower depths, incredibly true-to-life dialogue, and the zaniest series of high and low comic adventures" (Henry Kisor, Chicago Sun-Times).
Sweat dries. Blood clots. Bones heal. Suck it up, buttercup.
After his deployment in Afghanistan, Dan Caddy began swapping great drill sergeant stories by e-mail with other combat veterans—an exchange with friends that would grow into the dedicated Facebook page, “Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said.” But what began as a comedic outlet has evolved into a robust online community and support network that conducts fundraisers for and donates to military charities, has helped veterans struggling with PTSD and other issues, and on numerous occasions, literally saved lives.
Now, Caddy shares more great DS stories—most never before seen—in this humorous collection. Often profane, sometimes profound, yet always entertaining, these rants from real life soldiers are interspersed with lively sidebars, Top 10 lists, stories from fans, one-liners, and more.
For anyone who has suffered a hard-ass manager (in uniform or not), Awesome Sh*t My Drill Sergeant Said will add a much needed dose of humor to the day.