Before You Plan Your Wedding...Plan Your Marriage

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Building a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime

Authors Greg and Erin Smalley open their hearts and share their lives in Before You Plan Your Wedding...Plan Your Marriage so that you can know not only how to build a marriage that will last, but also how to have the kind of marriage where you and your spouse feel safe and honored and valued. When you feel safe, your heart will be open -- and open hearts make for fulfilling, powerful relationships.

Find out about the "fear dance" and how to stop dancing it. Discover the two biggest issues that threaten every marriage and how to stop them before they start. Learn what's more important than finding your soul mate and the significance of happiness in your union.

As wonderful as a wedding is, it lasts only for a brief time -- yet marriage is meant to last a lifetime. This important book will show you how to plan your marriage before you plan your wedding.
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About the author

Dr. Greg Smalley is the author of 18 books, including Crazy Little Thing Called Marriage and Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage. He earned his doctorate in psychology and serves as the Vice-President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family.

Erin Smalley is the coauthor of 8 books, including her latest 10 Things a Husband Needs From His Wife. Originally a labor and delivery nurse, Erin holds a masters degree in clinical psychology. She currently works alongside her husband Dr. Greg Smalley at Focus on the Family as a marriage strategic spokesperson and also continues to work with couples in private practice.

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Additional Information

Publisher
Simon and Schuster
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Published on
Jan 8, 2008
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Pages
336
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ISBN
9781416548133
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
Religion / Christian Life / Love & Marriage
Self-Help / Personal Growth / General
Self-Help / Personal Growth / Success
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Eligible for Family Library

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#1 New York Times Bestseller

Over 1 million copies sold

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.

For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.

Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.

There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

In this counterintuitive book, author Dr. Greg Smalley maintains that fighting is actually good for a marriage. When couples fight, they have the opportunity to get to the real issue lurking below the surface about money, sex, in-laws, kids, etc. And that real issue, Dr. Smalley says, is fear—fear of rejection, inadequacy, or powerlessness, to name a few. What assuages these fears are things like intimacy, respect, validation, love, and connection. Learning to take advantage of the opportunity that conflict provides is what this book is all about.

The good news of Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage is that conflict—when handled correctly—is the doorway to intimacy and under-standing. As Dr. Smalley leads readers through the many faces of conflict, he is open and candid about his own marriage and the unproductive fights he and his wife have had. He uses his fears and emotional triggers as examples to help read-ers discover their own. Couples will learn how to fight their way to a better marriage, using the skills, concepts, and exercises shared in this remarkable book.

***

Typical marriage fights = money, sex, in-laws, and kids. But what if fights could = trust, respect, intimacy, and understanding?

WHAT IF CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE COULD BE A GOOD THING?

The truth is that marriages and spouses can’t grow without conflict. Some of the many values of conflict include:

* An opportunity to break old, ineffective patterns

* A way to guard against being too comfortable or too complacent, which breeds mediocrity and boredom

* Insight into your own personal issues

* A window for viewing each other’s deepest feelings and needs

* Reduction of tension as emotions are vented and stress is released

* Greater trust and intimacy after pushing through difficult and heated conversations

* Higher levels of marital satisfaction every time you manage the conflict well

* The sole reason we have the amazing experience of makeup sex
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