The United States of Air: a Satire

J.M. Porup
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The National Sewer Agency is spying on people's toilets, looking for food terrorists...

Food Enforcement Agent Jason Frolick believes in America. He believes in eating air. He struggles to get the food monkey off his back. As part of the Global War on Fat, his job is to put food terrorists in Fat Camp.

When a pizza dealer gets whacked in the park across the street from the Thin House, the Prophet Jones himself asks Frolick to investigate. For the first time ever, Frolick solves a murder--but what he finds out shakes his faith.

Will he ever be able to eat air again?
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About the author

How does technology change what it means to be human? J.M. Porup is a journalist and futurologist who studies how exponentially-increasing innovation disrupts the social and political order. He is also the CEO of the LatAm Startups Angel Funds, a Latin America-based accelerator focused on scaling startups globally. He has covered computer security for The Economist, Bitcoin for Bitcoin Magazine, and the Gringo Trail for numerous Lonely Planet guidebooks. His award-winning novels and plays include The Second Bat Guano War, Dreams Must Die, Death on Taurus, and The United States of Air. Porup is a member of the Lifeboat Foundation's Advisory Board, a distributed think tank dedicated to preventing human extinction.

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Additional Information

Publisher
J.M. Porup
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Published on
Sep 21, 2012
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Pages
294
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ISBN
9780988006959
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Language
English
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Genres
Fiction / Black Humor
Fiction / Humorous
Fiction / Political
Fiction / Satire
Humor / Form / Parodies
Humor / General
Humor / Topic / Political
Medical / Bariatrics
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Content Protection
This content is DRM free.
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Available on Android devices
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A note for conservative readers: Don't read this book.  It's just going to make you mad, and I don't want to make you mad.  I'm a pretty nice guy.  I just wanted to write a silly story to make my liberal friends laugh.  The plot is outlandish, and it's filled with exaggerated stereotypes and crazy descriptions of conservatives that have no basis in reality.  It was not designed to be accurate or to be taken seriously.  Life's too short to get all worked up over this ridiculous book.  If you're a conservative, I implore you to skip this and go read something you'll actually like.  Or turn on the TV and watch a rerun of Seinfeld.  Everybody likes Seinfeld, right?

From the author of the popular Dark Moonlighting series:

Abraham Lincoln once said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
Senator Nick Bennett believes that it should not stand. Disgusted with partisan
politics, Nick calls for America to be split up by political ideology. The idea
of living in separate utopias is wildly popular with Americans. The blue states
form the Progressive States of America and the red states create the United
States of Ronald Reagan. The two new governments are free to address foreign
relations, economic policies and social laws without the interference of an
opposition party.

While the P.S.A. thrives, the U.S.R.R. is crippled by
the inanity of its conservative ideology. A generation of its citizens receives
a terrible education and loses the right to privacy. Many are killed either by
an abhorrent health care system or the preemptive wars their government starts.
The dreadful conditions inside the U.S.R.R. enrage the conservative citizens.
Revolution seems inevitable, and the conflict threatens to engulf the liberal
country as well.

Abraham Lincoln's Lie contains political and social
satire and is intended for a liberal audience.  The novel takes a humorous look
at how fiercely debated ideas could actually be implemented by the two
ideologies.

 

Keywords: civil rights, dystopian, liberal, dark comedy, humor, satire, American

You have endless choices...but few real options.

Hungover and stuck at a job you hate, will you show up for your big presentation, or duck out with Debby, the HR rep with an FDR fetish? Play the weird lump on your back for office-wide sympathy, or dive into an internet spiral that can only end in “ten kinds of cancer”? Tell someone about the weird genital-fondling that’s happening at the crystal healer’s, or just accept that this is the best substitute you’ll find for love, today...or maybe ever?

From two comedy writers and former contributors to THE ONION comes a parody of a choose-your-own-adventure tale―the story of your soul-crushing existence. Having choices is great when you’re a kid, but in the adult world, the only options are endless varieties of misery. It’s okay, though. A life of adventure would require so many uncomfortable sleeping situations. Besides, you have dental. Keep reminding yourself about the dental.

“Hell, the only reason for going to work is to goof-off reading Jilly Gagnon's and Mike MacDonald's book, Choose Your Own Misery: The Office!”—E. Jean Carroll, former writer for SNL

“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office [is] the most addictive, clever, and honestly hilarious decision tree you've ever read.”—Zack Bornstein, segment director at Jimmy Kimmel Live

"Sorry, I've been spending every waking hour lost in your maddening madcap narrative labyrinth. I'll try to send a blurb for the book by the deadline!"—Jamie Brew, Associate Editor at Clickhole

"It’s time for you to choose your own miserable adventure, just like you do every day of your miserable life, but now in hilarious book form!”—Nate Dern, Head Writer for Funny or Die

"Oh, how I laughed at this droll little book. Then, slowly but irreversibly, it filled me up with dread."—Jesse Andrews, author of the NY Times Bestselling ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL

“Choose Your Own Misery: The Office is a bittersweet, brutal, and frequently hilarious twist on the childhood classics.”—NERDIST.COM

“[Choose Your Own Misery: The Office] is one of the few books I’ve made sure to bring with me to show others when going out... even though filled with miserable and sometimes darker choices, [it] is definitely one of the funniest books I’ve read lately.”—TECHAERIS

“In their rip-roaringly funny book, Choose Your Own Misery: The Office, the two Onion alums make a dark and decidedly adult play on beloved childhood "choose your own adventure" novels...[Choose Your Own Misery] may be the funniest book released this year.”—NEWSWEEK

This book is a parody. It was not authorized by Chooseco, the publisher of Choose Your Own Adventure. Choose Your Own Adventure is a registered trademark of Chooseco LLC.
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