So rejoice, comrades, for we have the solution. Packed with devastating wit, this priceless compendium has all the finest jokes, scenes and anecdotes to see you through a long, hard political winter.
The Little Red Book of Corbyn Jokes - putting the 'ha' into the hard left.
A socialist lion walked into a bar. The barman said, 'What's the big Clause Four?'
My wife said to me, 'For my anniversary, I want you to get me something expensive,' so I registered her as a supporter of the Labour Party.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Neoliberalism.
· What to do when someone assumes your gender
· How to infiltrate a right-wing event
· How to fake authentic vintage style
· How to survive a holiday meal that doesn’t follow your food philosophy
· What you need in your SJW bug-out bag
· How to do an epic takedown of someone more successful than you
Remember: The only thing necessary for the triumph of good over evil is to tweet about it.
'Mitchell is an exceptionally clever, eloquent and spot-on commentator. We should be grateful for him.' Daily Mail
David Mitchell's 2014 bestseller Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse must really have made people think - because everything's got worse. We've gone from UKIP surge to Brexit shambles, from horsemeat in lasagne to Donald Trump in the White House, from Woolworths going under to all the other shops going under. It's probably socially irresponsible even to try to cheer up.
But if you're determined to give it a go, you might enjoy this eclectic collection (or eclection) of David Mitchell's attempts to make light of all that darkness. Scampi, politics, the Olympics, terrorism, exercise, rude street names, inheritance tax, salad cream, proportional representation and farts are all touched upon by Mitchell's unremitting laser of chit-chat, as he negotiates a path between the commercialisation of Christmas and the true spirit of Halloween. Read this book and slightly change your life!
'Mitchell combines breathtaking general knowledge with withering wit.' Guardian
The newly discovered diary of Boris Alexander de Pfeffel Johnson, aged 13¿, provides a fascinating and glimpse into Johnson's innermost thoughts and feelings and will reveal a hitherto hidden side of the man best known to the country as BoJo
Tuesday, 20th September, 1977
During Latin this AM, our teacher Mr Beesley - he of the confetti dandruff and bodily odours - demanded that I give a brief talk on Catullus. Apparently I'd volunteered to do so last week, then forgotten about it entirely. Well, dearest D, I don't mind telling you that the Johnson brain was mightily flummoxed. Without the faintest clue what I was about to say, I rose to my feet. "Um, gosh, yes, Catullus," I began. "What can one say about Catullus? Well, I have always strived to keep my feelings on Catullus a secret. But now I shall have to let the Cat-ullus out of the bag." "Yes, yes, very good, Johnson," said Mr Beesley, "but you're meant to be telling us about his poetry". "Well, um, quite," I shot back. "Knowing, as I do, so much about Catullus - and, indeed, his poetry! - it's tough to know where to begin. Perhaps, then, I should start with the basics: Catullus was a Roman. As such, he had a roman head, roman shoulders and, of course, roman hands. Yes, that poet's hands would roam all over the place. He was the most notorious bottom-pincher in the whole republic!" Yet more laughter! Sometimes I wonder whether I should be a comedian when I grow up, rather than Prime Minister. Then again, why not BOTH?
Ended the day by raiding the tuck shop, to replenish my dwindling supply of Curly Wurlies. Checked my mons pubis for hair again just now. Still nothing . . .
"Hilarious yet soul-shaking." —Black Enterprise, a "Must Read Book for 2019"
200 years ago, white people told black folks, “‘I suggest you pick the cotton if you don’t like getting whipped.” Today, it’s “comply with police orders if you don’t want to get shot.” Now comedian/activist D. L. Hughley–one the Original Kings of Comedy–confronts and remixes white people’s “advice” in this “hilarious examination of the current state of race relations in the United States” (Publishers Weekly).
In America, a black man is three times more likely to be killed in encounters with police than a white guy. If only he had complied with the cop, he might be alive today, pundits say in the aftermath of the latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Or, Maybe he shouldn’t have worn that hoodie … or, moved more slowly … not been out so late … Wait, why are black people allowed to drive, anyway?
This isn’t a new phenomenon. White people have been giving “advice” to black folks for as long as anyone can remember, telling them how to pick cotton, where to sit on a bus, what neighborhood to live in, when they can vote, and how to wear our pants. Despite centuries of whites’ advice, it seems black people still aren’t listening, and the results are tragic.
Now, at last, activist, comedian, and New York Times bestselling author D. L. Hughley offers How Not to Get Shot, an illustrated how-to guide for black people, full of insight from white people, translated by one of the funniest black dudes on the planet. In these pages you will learn how to act, dress, speak, walk, and drive in the safest manner possible. You also will finally understand the white mind. It is a book that can save lives. Or at least laugh through the pain.
Black people: Are you ready to not get shot! White people: Do you want to learn how to help the cause? Let’s go!