Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

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In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, marital psychologists John and Julie Gottman provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication.

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washington made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice.

What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.

Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.


From the Hardcover edition.
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About the author

John M. Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., are the founders and directors of the Gottman Institute and the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle.

The bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and The Relationship Cure, among other books, John Gottman is a professor of psychology, an elected fellow of the American Psychological Association, and the recipient of numerous awards and commendations. His research and findings have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Time, the bestselling book Blink, and in the broadcast media.

Julie Schwartz Gottman established the Gottman Institute’s Marriage Clinic and serves as its clinical director. A clinical psychologist, she is in private practice in Seattle, where she and John live.

Joan DeClaire is a writer specializing in psychology, health, and family issues.
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Additional Information

Publisher
Harmony
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Published on
May 16, 2006
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Pages
256
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ISBN
9780307347114
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
Psychology / Interpersonal Relations
Social Science / Sociology / Marriage & Family
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Eligible for Family Library

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From the country’s leading couple therapist duo, a practical guide to what makes it all work. In 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy, two of the world’s leading couple researchers and therapists give readers an inside tour of what goes on inside the consulting rooms of their practice. They have been doing couples work for decades and still find it challenging and full of learning experiences. This book distills the knowledge they've gained over their years of practice into ten principles at the core of good couples work. Each principle is illustrated with a clinically compiled case plus personal side-notes and storytelling. Topics addressed include:

• You know that you need to “treat the relationship,” but how are you supposed to get at something as elusive as “a relationship”?
• How do you empathize with both clients if they have opposite points of view? Later on, if they end up separating does that mean you’ve failed? Are you only successful if you keep couples together?
• Compared to an individual client, a relationship is an entirely different animal. What should you do first? What should you look for? What questions should you ask? If clients give different answers, who should you believe?
• What are you supposed to do with all the emotional and personal history that your clients stir up in you?
• How can you make your work research-based?

No one who works with couples will want to be without the insight, guidance, and strategies offered in this book.
 

 

Is there a science to love?

In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship, but there has yet to be an accessible guide to what this fascinating science has to tell us about adult romantic relationships-until now.

Attachment theory owes its inception to British psychologist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who in the 1950s examined the tremendous impact that our early relationships with our parents or caregivers has on the people we become. Also central to attachment theory is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship with one or more individuals is embedded in our genes.

In Attached, Levine and Heller trace how these evolutionary influences continue to shape who we are in our relationships today. According to attachment theory, every person behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

*ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back.

*AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.

*SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.

Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mates) follow. It also offers readers a wealth of advice on how to navigate their relationships more wisely given their attachment style and that of their partner. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, so Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages.
        
This book is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Straightforward in their approach, yet profound in their effect, these principles teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Being thoughtful about ordinary matters provides spouses with a solid foundation for resolving conflict when it does occur and finding strategies for living with those issues that cannot be resolved.
        
Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the result of Dr. John Gottman's many years of closely observing thousands of marriages. This kind of longitudinal research has never been done before. Based on his findings, he has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage.
Maintain a love map.
Foster fondness and admiration.
Turn toward instead of away.
Accept influence.
Solve solvable conflicts.
Cope with conflicts you can't resolve.
Create shared meaning.

Dr. Gottman's unique questionnaires and exercises will guide couples on the road to revitalizing their marriage, or making a strong one even better.
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