In this satire of erotica, beautiful gold-diggers Roni and Charlotte meet three Silicon Valley nerds—billionaire business partners with no fashion sense or social skills. Two of the nerds are guys, Mason and Rigby, who must wear oddly baggy pants because they got rich by inventing “male enhancement” that really works; their business partner, Tessa, is a female nerd whose limitations are just as great as theirs, though she seeks out a high school crush. And that guy is a gold-digger just as much as Roni and Charlotte. As the nerds want to get laid and the gold-diggers want to spend their money, they get along great in their own eccentric ways.
But Mason and Rigby went way overboard with their male enhancement and Tessa has no traits that make her attractive to her crush. Everybody has to figure out how to handle the situations that arise. They manage the best they can in Silicon Valley, a nude beach, and a Midwestern steakhouse. The result is rollicking humor—imagine the adult version of Big Bang Theory.
~~~~~ Excerpt ~~~~~
“I couldn’t decide whether to buy a mansion on an estate here in California or on the Florida coast,” Mason interrupted. “So I told a real estate agent to find me both.”
“Here and the Florida coast?” That was the most romantic line Roni had heard in a long time. Her pulse pounded with the anticipation of new love.
“Wanna see?” Mason held out his phone.
Roni accepted the phone and found a response from a real estate agent, acknowledging Mason’s requests for properties to buy. Her face flushed with affection for Mason as she gave the phone back.
“Maybe somewhere else,” said Mason. “Caribbean, Hawaii, who knows? Maybe I’ll buy a place in one of each.”
“One of each?” Roni’s voice spiked in pitch as her pulse rate spiked with adrenaline. Galloping romance was in the air. In fact, her heart was downright fluttering.
Charlotte put one hand on her hip and cocked it to one side, posing for Rigby in her little black dress. “Maybe I should step out of this lil ol’ thing.”
“Need any help?” Rigby gave his goofy laugh again. “I could give you a hand with that. Maybe two.”
“I think you better show them, guys,” Tessa said to Mason and Rigby. “They need to know before you go much further, if you know what I mean.”
“Hold it,” Roni said to Tessa. “What are you doing here? You’re not involved with either one of them, right? Are you, uh –“
“I’m straight,” said Tessa. She shrugged and nothing on her chest moved under her shirt. “And we agreed, it’s better not to mix our business partnership with a relationship. Why risk a good thing? So we’re platonic friends.”
“And you’re here because …?” Roni asked.
“I’m an objective observer for my partners.”
“Observer?” Roni looked over Tessa again. “Look, I understand some people like to watch, but I thought they were all guys. I don’t know if I’m going to be comfortable being observed. I’m not exactly into that sort of thing.“ Roni really just wanted to understand these three. She had plenty of experience with men, but none of those guys were billionaires. They weren’t millionaires, either. For that matter, some of them had no source of income—but she found out the hard way. Literally, in bed.
“I couldn’t decide between a Mercedes sedan or a Porsche convertible,” said Mason, interrupting. “So I’ve ordered limited editions of both.”
“Both?” said Roni, as a tingling started between her legs.
Waves of romance swept over her, expunging Tessa from her concerns. “Why, isn’t that interesting, Char? Just theoretically speaking, for instance, if a girl wanted a Mercedes sports car convertible –“
“Pocket change,” said Mason. “I can calculate that in my head. With over a billion dollars invested properly, that’s not even one day’s interest.”
The tingling between Roni’s legs grew even more sincere.
“What if a girl wanted a beachfront condo?” Charlotte asked Rigby. “You know, just for the scenery and all. And a place to run up and down the beach in a string bikini.”
“A string bikini?” Rigby’s gaze moved down Charlotte’s form and back up again, apparently examining the possibilities.
“Did I say bikini?” Charlotte cocked her head thoughtfully. “That would leave tan lines, wouldn’t it? I don’t think a bikini would be necessary at all.”