Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog

The Amazing Adventures of an Ordinary Woman

Book 1
Sold by Macmillan
32
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A hilarious collection of stories from the life of the New York Times bestselling author of Look Again

At last, together in one collection, are Lisa Scottoline's wildly popular Philadelphia Inquirer columns. In her column, Lisa lets her hair down, roots and all, to show the humorous side of life from a woman's perspective. The Sunday column debuted in 2007 and on the day it started, Lisa wrote, "I write novels, so I usually have 100,000 words to tell a story. In a column there's only 700 words. I can barely say hello in 700 words. I'm Italian." The column gained momentum and popularity. Word of mouth spread, and readers demanded a collection. Why My Third Husband Will Be a Dog is that collection. Seventy vignettes. Vintage Scottoline.
In this collection, you'll laugh about:
• Being caught braless in the emergency room
• Betty and Veronica's Life Lessons for Girls
• A man's most important body part
• Interrupting as an art form
• A religion men and women can worship
• Real estate ads as porn
• Spanx are public enemy number one
• And so much more about life, love, family, pets, and the pursuit of jeans that actually fit!

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Additional Information

Publisher
Macmillan
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Published on
Nov 24, 2009
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Pages
304
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ISBN
9781429968706
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / General
Literary Collections / Essays
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Eligible for Family Library

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From the New York Times bestselling writing team comes a hilarious new collection of essays that observe life from a mother/daughter perspective

New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella are the best of friends—99.9% of the time. They're number one on each other's speed dial and they tell each other everything—well, almost everything. They share shoes and clothes—except one very special green jacket, which almost caused a catfight.

In other words, they're just like every mother and daughter in the world. Best friends, and occasional enemies. Now they're dishing about it all—their lives, their relationship, and their carb count.

Inspired by their weekly column, "Chick Wit" for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this book is one you'll have to put down—just to stop laughing.

Lisa on Being a Mom - Motherhood has no expiration date. Francesca lives in the city, and I worry about her all the time. My daughter moved out, so why am I still lactating?

Francesca on Being a Daughter - My mother is always right. Just ask her.

Lisa on Things Every Daughter Should Know - Your mother is always thinking about you, but that's not creepy. Your mother will never forget who did you dirty in the sixth grade, for which you can thank her. And your mother will never stop asking you if you need to go to the bathroom, before you leave the house. Well, do you?

Francesca on Closet Wars - My mom is a great dresser. Mostly because she's wearing my clothes.

Lisa on Aging Gracefully - My sex drive is in reverse, I have more whiskers than my cat, and my estrogen replacement is tequila.

Francesca on Apartment Living - When I saw a mouse, the first person I called was Mom. She told me to call my super, but I felt bad bothering him. I hate to bother people. But I love to bother my mother.

From the New York Times bestselling writing team comes a hilarious new collection of essays that observe life from a mother/daughter perspective

New York Times bestselling author Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella are the best of friends—99.9% of the time. They're number one on each other's speed dial and they tell each other everything—well, almost everything. They share shoes and clothes—except one very special green jacket, which almost caused a catfight.

In other words, they're just like every mother and daughter in the world. Best friends, and occasional enemies. Now they're dishing about it all—their lives, their relationship, and their carb count.

Inspired by their weekly column, "Chick Wit" for The Philadelphia Inquirer, this book is one you'll have to put down—just to stop laughing.

Lisa on Being a Mom - Motherhood has no expiration date. Francesca lives in the city, and I worry about her all the time. My daughter moved out, so why am I still lactating?

Francesca on Being a Daughter - My mother is always right. Just ask her.

Lisa on Things Every Daughter Should Know - Your mother is always thinking about you, but that's not creepy. Your mother will never forget who did you dirty in the sixth grade, for which you can thank her. And your mother will never stop asking you if you need to go to the bathroom, before you leave the house. Well, do you?

Francesca on Closet Wars - My mom is a great dresser. Mostly because she's wearing my clothes.

Lisa on Aging Gracefully - My sex drive is in reverse, I have more whiskers than my cat, and my estrogen replacement is tequila.

Francesca on Apartment Living - When I saw a mouse, the first person I called was Mom. She told me to call my super, but I felt bad bothering him. I hate to bother people. But I love to bother my mother.

Enthralling and suspenseful, Lisa Scottoline's New York Times bestseller, One Perfect Lie, is an emotional thriller and a suburban crime story that will have readers riveted up to the shocking end, with killer twists and characters you won’t soon forget.

"Scottoline keeps the pace relentless as she drops a looming threat into the heart of an idyllic suburban community, causing readers to hold their breath in anticipation." –Booklist

"Readers can be assured that the author nails the high school milieu, from athletic rivalries to sexting...they're in for one thrilling ride." –Kirkus Reviews

"Entertaining...This fast-paced read culminates in a daring chase that would play well on the big screen." –Publishers Weekly

On paper, Chris Brennan looks perfect. He's applying for a job as a high school government teacher, he's ready to step in as an assistant baseball coach, and his references are impeccable.

But everything about Chris Brennan is a lie.

Susan Sematov is proud of her son Raz, a high school pitcher so athletically talented that he's being recruited for a full-ride scholarship to a Division I college, with a future in major-league baseball. But Raz’s father died only a few months ago, leaving her son in a vulnerable place where any new father figure might influence him for good, or evil.

Heather Larkin is a struggling single mother who lives for her son Jordan's baseball games. But Jordan is shy, and Heather fears he is being lured down a dark path by one of his teammates, a young man from an affluent family whose fun-loving manner might possibly conceal his violent plans.

Mindy Kostis succumbs to the pressure of being a surgeon's wife by filling her days with social events and too many gin and tonics. But she doesn’t know that her husband and her son, Evan, are keeping secrets from her – secrets that might destroy all of them.

At the center of all of them is Chris Brennan. Why is he there? What does he want? And what is he willing to do to get it?

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