The Wrong Stuff

K'Barthan Trilogy

Book 2
Hamgee University Press
4
Free sample

The Pan of Hamgee is not a natural knight in shining armour. Yet he has escaped from police custody in K’Barth, switched realities and foiled Lord Vernon’s attempt to kidnap Ruth, the Chosen One, from the Festival Hall. Pretty good, he thinks.

However, Ruth thinks otherwise. Being pursued by Lord Vernon is bad enough. Now, thanks to The Pan, she’s on the run. They are both alive, of course, but with Lord Vernon on their tail neither of them can be sure how long for. 

To save K'Barth and Ruth, the woman of his dreams, The Pan must introduce her to the Candidate, who is prophesied to be the man of her dreams. And he must do it fast – before Lord Vernon finds her. But the gentleman in question is in hiding and no-one knows where. Only The Pan can find him, if he can bring himself to unite them.

Written in British English with a dash of light swearing. Suggested cinema rating PG. 

A QUICK WORD WITH THE AUTHOR

Q - So, tell us about the K’Barthan Series. What made you write it? What makes it special?
A - As a reader, I have always loved British satire and humor or humour. I love comedic sci fi and fantasy and I love funny; funny epic fantasy series like the Discworld novels and comedic sci fi like Douglas Adams totally floats my boat. But I also like a gripping tale that zips along quickly in the time honoured tradition of unputdownable adventure. And of course, I like genre fiction mashups; Douglas Adams meets StarTrek and James Bond - and a dash of romance (but no squelchy bits). Therefore, my cunning gambit was fantasy that was also science fiction and would surprise even me. I wanted a fast paced story and gripping tale but comedy in the tradition of all the great funny British authors.

The K'Barthan series does have a deeper side. Sure on one level it's a light piece of witty comedy fiction but on another level it's about teamwork; team action in science fiction - or fantasy. Our heros and heroines work together across the series to bring down the indomitable forces of evil (bit of an untrendy epic fantasy trope there but I like it). You won't find standard mythic creatures in my sci fi - I couldn't face the deluge of emails I'd inevitably get from those who knew more about them than I do, telling me I'd got them wrong. However, you will find all sorts of quirky characters and interesting alien species. From six feet Swamp Things with antennae to cute furry creatures like the Blurpons, with their fluffy ears, big button eyes and penchant for extreme violence. The K’Barthan population has variety.

Q – Should this series be read in order?
A – Yes. The character development – and some of the technology – will make the most sense if it is. That said, the short series prequel can be read any time. The books go in this order:

- Unlucky Dip: Prequel
- Few Are Chosen, K’Barthan Series: Part 1
- The Wrong Stuff, K’Barthan Series: Part 2
- One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Series: Part 3
- Looking For Trouble, K’Barthan Series: Part 4

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would The K'Barthan Series fit on the list?
A – Oh yes. I wrote it entirely for me. If anyone else likes it, that’s gravy. I love British humour, especially satire and parody in sci fi and fantasy: people like Pratchett and Adams. There’s so much texture and depth in their books. I think if you're funny you can be harder hitting and setting it all in a parallel reality helps.

Q – Do you have a target reader?
A – It's more a mind set and an approach to life I'm reaching out to. Sure, I wrote it with my (then) teenage nephew in mind - but to give you an idea; the oldest fan of the series I know of is in his 90s and the youngest is 10.

Q – Thanks for giving our readers a look inside The K'Barthan Series.
A –  Thank you!


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About the author

M T McGuire enjoys the real world but wouldn't want to live here full time. That's why she writes books. She grew up, or at least, got bigger, half way up a windy down in Sussex. Her home was also the first location choice for Hogwarts, in the Harry Potter films, so maybe it's not so strange that she's ended up writing spec-fic. Perhaps there's something in the water up there, apart from chalk. She used to do stand up but sat down and started to write books when she got married. She now lives in Bury St Edmunds, in Suffolk, with a McOther, a McMini and a selection of very silly cars. She hasn't found a way to make any of the cars fly, and none of them is fitted with ordnance like the ones in her books, but she and her team of evil scientists are working on that.

Despite being 46 now, and supposedly, an adult, M T checks all unfamiliar wardrobes for a gateway to Narnia. She hasn't found one so far but she lives in hope.

 

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4.5
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Additional Information

Publisher
Hamgee University Press
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Published on
Mar 13, 2012
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Pages
438
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ISBN
9781907809194
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Genres
Fiction / Fantasy / General
Fiction / Fantasy / Urban
Fiction / Humorous
Fiction / Romance / General
Fiction / Romance / Science Fiction
Fiction / Science Fiction / Action & Adventure
Fiction / Science Fiction / General
Humor / General
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Content Protection
This content is DRM free.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Eligible for Family Library

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See entire series

The Pan of Hamgee needs answers, although he’s not even sure he knows the questions.

He has a chance to go straight but it’s been so long that he’s almost forgotten how. Despite a death warrant over his head he is released, given a state-sponsored business, and a year’s amnesty for all misdemeanours while he adjusts. On the down side, Ruth has thrown in her lot with his nemesis, Lord Vernon. 

The Pan doesn’t have a year, either. In only five days Lord Vernon will gain total power and destroy K'Barth. Unless The Pan can stop him. Because even though the Candidate, the person prophesied to save K'Barth, has finally appeared it's still going to be down to The Pan to make things right. But he has no clue where to start or whether he even can. 

The future hangs by a thread and the only person who can fix it is The Pan: a man without a plan.

Written in British English with a dash of light searing. Suggested cinema rating PG.

A QUICK WORD WITH THE AUTHOR

Q - So, tell us about the K’Barthan Series. What made you write it? What makes it special?
A - As a reader, I have always loved British satire and humor or humour. I love comedic sci fi and fantasy and I love funny; funny epic fantasy series like the Discworld novels and comedic sci fi like Douglas Adams totally floats my boat. But I also like a gripping tale that zips along quickly in the time honoured tradition of unputdownable adventure. And of course, I like genre fiction mashups; Douglas Adams meets StarTrek and James Bond - and a dash of romance (but no squelchy bits). Therefore, my cunning gambit was fantasy that was also science fiction and would surprise even me. I wanted a fast paced story and gripping tale but comedy in the tradition of all the great funny British authors.

The K'Barthan series does have a deeper side. Sure on one level it's a light piece of witty comedy fiction but on another level it's about teamwork; team action in science fiction - or fantasy. Our heros and heroines work together across the series to bring down the indomitable forces of evil (bit of an untrendy epic fantasy trope there but I like it). You won't find standard mythic creatures in my sci fi - I couldn't face the deluge of emails I'd inevitably get from those who knew more about them than I do, telling me I'd got them wrong. However, you will find all sorts of quirky characters and interesting alien species. From six feet Swamp Things with antennae to cute furry creatures like the Blurpons, with their fluffy ears, big button eyes and penchant for extreme violence. The K’Barthan population has variety.

Q – Should this series be read in order?
A – Yes. The character development – and some of the technology – will make the most sense if it is. That said, the short series prequel can be read any time. The books go in this order:

- Unlucky Dip: Prequel
- Few Are Chosen, K’Barthan Series: Part 1
- The Wrong Stuff, K’Barthan Series: Part 2
- One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Series: Part 3
- Looking For Trouble, K’Barthan Series: Part 4

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would The K'Barthan Series fit on the list?
A – Oh yes. I wrote it entirely for me. If anyone else likes it, that’s gravy. I love British humour, especially satire and parody in sci fi and fantasy: people like Pratchett and Adams. There’s so much texture and depth in their books. I think if you're funny you can be harder hitting and setting it all in a parallel reality helps.

Q – Do you have a target reader?
A – It's more a mind set and an approach to life I'm reaching out to. Sure, I wrote it with my (then) teenage nephew in mind - but to give you an idea; the oldest fan of the series I know of is in his 90s and the youngest is 10.

Q – Thanks for giving our readers a look inside The K'Barthan Series.
A –  Thank you!

 

All The Pan of Hamgee wants is a quiet life.

So why did he have to fall in love with a woman living a different version of reality, upset a murderous tyrant and then run out of places to hide?

Now all he has to do is face his inner demons, rescue everything he holds dear and save the world, or die trying.

Oh yes, and he's an abject coward.

Great. No pressure then.

Written in British English with a little light swearing.
Suggested cinema rating: PG
This is the box set version of a completed science fiction series.

INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR
Q - Who would like this book?
Written in British English with a dash of light searing. Suitable for ages 10 and up - any younger readers who have read all the Harry Potter books without any worries will be fine with the K'Barthan Series.
Suggested cinema rating, PG.

INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

Q – So, tell us about the K’Barthan Series. What made you write it? What makes it special?

A – I wanted to write the books I wanted to read that hadn't been written. This is still why I write. I also wanted it to reflect the books I love, Terry Pratchett's discworld, Douglas Adams, Jasper Fforde, Tom Holt, Robert Rankin ... Also stuff like Heide Goody's Clovenhoof series, The Stainless Steel Rat series and strains of Harry Potter.

The hero, The Pan of Hamgee, had to be normal; someone who is aware of the risks he is taking and human – ie scared – for whom bravery costs. In Ruth, the heroine, I wanted to create someone pragmatic, sensible and grounded. She’s not going to lose a shoe and fall over, so the hero has to go back and help her, and they both get caught by the monster. She’s a strong female protagonist who is a bit more of a hero than The Pan, frankly – to start with at any rate. I think he catches her up as the story unfolds.

Q – Do our readers have to read the K’Barthan Series in order?

A – Yes otherwise the character development – and some of the technology – will make less sense. That said, the series of K'Barthan Extras I'm currently writing to go with it can be read any time. The rest of the books go in this order:

- Unlucky Dip, K'Barthan Series: Prequel
- Few Are Chosen, K'Barthan Series: Part 1
- The Wrong Stuff, K'Barthan Series: Part 2
- One Man: No Plan, K'Barthan Series: Part 3
- Looking For Trouble, K'Barthan Series: Part 4

Q – What will readers enjoy most about The K'Barthan Series?

A – Hopefully, the same things as I do: the laughs, the romance – where it appears – the fast pace and the action – especially the flying car chases – and I hope they will like its deeper side.

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would The K'Barthan Series fit on the list?

A – Oh yes. As I mentioned earlier, I love humorous novels although a lot of my influences come from TV. There was this evening slot in the UK, after homework but before supper, when they showed old stuff on BBC2; original StarTrek, Get Smart, Hogan's Heroes, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. The persuaders, the Avengers, the Saint, Randal and Hopkirk Deceased, Space 1999. Then there's Blake's Seven and Dr Who, and Red Dwarf, of course. I loved all that.

Q – Do you have a target reader?

A – Officially it’s young adults and teenagers. Now that it’s complete the series is certainly proving popular with teens and young adults and I had my nephew in mind when I wrote them, who was a teenager at the time. 

However, I firmly believe that all the best books should hold a universal appeal, so I also wrote it for me. Thus far – if the people who contact me are anything to go by – it appeals to a certain type of person across the board. The oldest fan of the series I know of is in his 90s and the youngest is 10.

Basically, if you like British Comedy you will probably enjoy the K'Barthan Series. If you enjoyed the Narnia books and the Harry Potter books you will probably like it. If you enjoy historical novels like The Children of the New Forest, or Moonfleet, you might even like it.

The Pan of Hamgee, starving outlaw, bumps into Big Merv; the meanest, scariest gangster in the City and without thinking what he is doing, steals his wallet. When Big Merv realises what has happened our hero's future looks short. Will he talk his way out of it or will he be 'recycled' into a stanchion of the Outer Ring Road extension.

U certificate. 4,000 words.
Written in British English.

This comedic sci fi quick read is a short story prequel to the K'Barthan Series.

It is a short story in the sense that it is not long rather than that the plot fits with any particular preconceived 'short story' format. Or to put it another way there is no twist in this tale.

It takes place in a contemporary setting, in a parallel universe - as does the whole series. This light piece of witty comedy fiction tells us how two of the characters meet. This story sits in the of British tradition of humour and satire.

There is also an excerpt from Few Are Chosen, the first book in the K'Barthan series, over and above the word count quoted here (which is for the actual story only).

INTERVIEW WITH THE AUTHOR

Q – So, tell us about the K’Barthan Series. What made you write it? What makes it special?

A – There's a saying, somewhere, that if the book you want to read hasn't been written, you must write it. If you want the honest answer I wrote it for me.

As a reader, I have always loved British satire and humor or humour. I love funny; funny epic fantasy series like the Discworld novels and comedic sci fi like Douglas Adams totally floats my boat. But I also like a gripping tale that zips along quickly in the time honoured tradition of unputdownable fiction. And of course, I like genre fiction mashups; Douglas Adams meets StarTrek and James Bond - and a dash of romance (but no squelchy bits). Therefore, my cunning gambit was fantasy that was also science fiction and would surprise me. I wanted a fast paced story and gripping tale but comedy in the tradition of all the great funny British authors.

The K'Barthan series is about teamwork; team action in science fiction - or fantasy. Our heros and heroines work together to bring down the indomitable forces of evil (bit of an untrendy epic fantasy trope there but I like it). You won't find standard mythic creatures in my sci fi - I couldn't face the deluge of emails I'd inevitably get from those who knew more about them than I do, telling me I'd got them wrong. However, you will find all sorts of quirky characters and interesting alien species. From six feet Swamp Things with antennae to cute furry creatures like the Blurpons, with their fluffy ears, big button eyes and penchant for extreme violence.

Q – Should the K’Barthan Series be read in order?

A – The character development – and some of the technology – will make the most sense if it is. That said, the short series prequel can be read any time. The books go in this order:

- Unlucky Dip, K'Barthan Series: Prequel
- Few Are Chosen, K'Barthan Series: Part 1
- The Wrong Stuff, K'Barthan Series: Part 2
- One Man: No Plan, K'Barthan Series: Part 3
- Looking For Trouble, K'Barthan Series: Part 4

Q – What will readers enjoy most about The K'Barthan Series?

A – Hopefully, the same things as I do:

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would The K'Barthan Series fit on the list?

A – Oh yes. I wrote it entirely for me. If anyone else likes it, that’s gravy. I love British humour, especially satire and parody in sci fi and fantasy: people like Pratchett and Adams. There’s so much texture and depth in their books. I think if you're funny you can be harder hitting and setting it all in a parallel reality helps.

Q – Do you have a target reader?

A – Not really. I wrote it with my nephew in mind - he was a teenager at the time - but it's more a mind set and an approach to life that I'm reaching out to. To give you an idea; the oldest fan of the series I know of is in his 90s and the youngest is 10.

Q – Thanks for giving our readers a look inside The K'Barthan Series.

A –  Thank you!

If you asked Andi Turbot whether she had anything in common with Flash Gordon she’d say no, emphatically. Saving the world is for dynamic, go-ahead, leaders of men and while it would be nice to see a woman getting involved for a change, she believes she could be the least well-equipped being in her Galaxy for the job.

Then her best friend, Eric, reveals that he is an extra terrestrial. He’s not just any ET either. He’s Gamalian: seven-foot, lobster-shaped and covered in marmite-scented goo. Just when Andi's getting used to that he tells her about the Apocalypse and really ruins her day.

The human race will perish unless Eric’s Gamalian superiors step in. Abducted and trapped on an alien ship, Andi must convince the Gamalians her world is worth saving. Or escape from their clutches and save it herself. 

Written in British English with some light swearing.
Suggested cinema rating, PG.

Here are some things readers have said about it:

'If you like cheesy fifties scifi flicks you will definitely enjoy this light-hearted homage.' - crittermom

'If you like fast, interesting story-telling with good characterization with just the right bit of Python-esque quirkiness then look no further.' - Bradley

'My favourite book is Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, but this was almost as good. Perfect mix of sci-fi and humour all the way through to the exciting end. Best book I’ve read for months.' - 15 year old boy on the panel of the Wishing Shelf Book Award

'The pacing is the best part of this book. It’s like a white-water river. It even started exciting. It also has the best cover in this awards.' - 15 year old girl on the panel of the Wishing Shelf Book Award

This book is a comedy fantasy written in the British Humorous tradition of writers such as, Douglas Adams, mainly the Hitch Hiker's Guide, Jasper Fforde, Tom Holt, Red Dwarf, Monty Python and Sir Terry Pratchett. It is also regularly compared to the Stainless Steel Rat Series and Heide Goody's Clovenhoof series. So, if you like any of those, you may well enjoy Escape From B-Movie Hell.


The Pan of Hamgee doesn’t believe in miracles but if he’s going to save K’Barth it looks as if he might need one.

He's not quite as alone as he thought. The punters from The Parrot and Screwdriver are right behind him and he has rescued three of his friends from the Grongolian Security Forces, who are now of course, three of the nation's most wanted, which doesn't make life easy. He even has something of a plan for once. It involves making peace with the Resistance, trying to resurrect the Underground movement, and toppling Lord Vernon.

Now, The Pan just needs to keep his head down and maintain a low profile. He must be brave and clever and stay in control. That's going to be a first. But the hardest part will be staying alive long enough to put his plan into action.

Written in British English with a little light swearing.
Suggested cinema rating: PG
This book is the final part of a a completed science fiction series which is best enjoyed when read in sequence.

A QUICK WORD WITH THE AUTHOR

Q - So, tell us about the K’Barthan Series. What made you write it? What makes it special?
A - As a reader, I have always loved British satire and humor or humour. I love comedic sci fi and fantasy and I love funny; funny epic fantasy series like the Discworld novels and comedic sci fi like Douglas Adams totally floats my boat. But I also like a gripping tale that zips along quickly in the time honoured tradition of unputdownable adventure. And of course, I like genre fiction mashups; Douglas Adams meets StarTrek and James Bond - and a dash of romance (but no squelchy bits). Therefore, my cunning gambit was fantasy that was also science fiction and would surprise even me. I wanted a fast paced story and gripping tale but comedy in the tradition of all the great funny British authors.

The K'Barthan series does have a deeper side. Sure on one level it's a light piece of witty comedy fiction but on another level it's about teamwork; team action in science fiction - or fantasy. Our heros and heroines work together across the series to bring down the indomitable forces of evil (bit of an untrendy epic fantasy trope there but I like it). You won't find standard mythic creatures in my sci fi - I couldn't face the deluge of emails I'd inevitably get from those who knew more about them than I do, telling me I'd got them wrong. However, you will find all sorts of quirky characters and interesting alien species. From six feet Swamp Things with antennae to cute furry creatures like the Blurpons, with their fluffy ears, big button eyes and penchant for extreme violence. The K’Barthan population has variety.

Q – Should this series be read in order?
A – Yes. The character development – and some of the technology – will make the most sense if it is. That said, the short series prequel can be read any time. The books go in this order:

- Unlucky Dip: Prequel
- Few Are Chosen, K’Barthan Series: Part 1
- The Wrong Stuff, K’Barthan Series: Part 2
- One Man: No Plan, K’Barthan Series: Part 3
- Looking For Trouble, K’Barthan Series: Part 4

Q – What is your favourite kind of Book? Would The K'Barthan Series fit on the list?
A – Oh yes. I wrote it entirely for me. If anyone else likes it, that’s gravy. I love British humour, especially satire and parody in sci fi and fantasy: people like Pratchett and Adams. There’s so much texture and depth in their books. I think if you're funny you can be harder hitting and setting it all in a parallel reality helps.

Q – Do you have a target reader?
A – It's more a mind set and an approach to life I'm reaching out to. Sure, I wrote it with my (then) teenage nephew in mind - but to give you an idea; the oldest fan of the series I know of is in his 90s and the youngest is 10.

Q – Thanks for giving our readers a look inside The K'Barthan Series.
A –  Thank you!

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