Maybe Life's Just Not That Into You: When You feel Like the World's Voted You Off

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A Self-Help Spoof for the Life Impaired

Right here in this book store, you can find hundreds of them -- self-help books. They tell you how to improve your finances, lose weight, age gracefully, and influence people. But even after reading all those books, you're still a mess. It can only mean one thing: maybe life's just not that into you.

Once you open you mind to this possibility, you can quit beating yourself up. It's all about attitude. It's about the find art of whining. It's about losing your shirt, but keeping your dignity. It's about being dull and boring, but making it work for you. It's about losing friends and influencing nobody. It's about just saying no to dieting because, well, let's be honest, carbs just taste good.

A hilarious, good-natured spoof on more that fifty self-help books, this book will leave you feeling better about who you are and laughing your way to becoming the person God created you to be.
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About the author

Martha Bolton is the author of more than fifty books of humor and inspiration, including The "Official" Hugs Book, The "Official" Grad Book, and The "Official" Friends Book. She was a staff writer for Bob Hope for more than fifteen years and has received both an Emmy nomination (for Outstanding Achievement in Music and Lyrics) and a Dove nomination (for A Lamb's Tale, a children's musical). Martha has written for such entertainers as Phyllis Diller, Wayne Newton, Mark Lowry, and Jeff Allen and is also known as The Cafeteria Lady for Brio Magazine.

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Additional Information

Publisher
Simon and Schuster
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Published on
Dec 12, 2006
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Pages
208
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ISBN
9781416544234
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Features
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Language
English
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Genres
Humor / Form / Parodies
Humor / General
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Eligible for Family Library

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Sit back, relax and go on a self-revealing memory trip, which will expose the folly and farcical lives, the most highly evolved species(man) exhibits to his own humiliation and personal degradation. This folly and weakness characterizes all of mankind, regardless of their place of residence and their ethnic origin. This revelation is akin to standing before a mirror and uttering in total disbelief: “ Is this how I am perceived by the outside world and more specifically, by my family and friends?

Man has always prided himself as being irreproachable in matters of morality. There was a period in time, when a person kept his weakness, a closely guarded secret. He did not want to openly reveal his shortcomings to his family, friends or to the larger society. It was a social embarrassment, he was not willing to risk. His reputation and social standing in his home, amongst his friends, in his community and in society, was top on his priority list. In days gone by, the stain of social embarrassment could dog you for the rest of your life. No effort to erase this blemish by the offender, was considered worthy of being absolved. Society assumed the role of moral watch dogs, who growled menacingly at your smallest infraction.

Returning home intoxicated was an unpardonable sin, especially to a home where family morals were treasures to be guarded and respected. Despite serious attempts by the transgressor to mask the offending stench of liquor, he was caught out and berated for breaking the family traditions and rules which were religiously executed for decades. The same censure and reproach were meted out to those who smoked. The patriarch in each family set out rules to be obeyed and carried out diligently by each member of the family. These rules were verbal in nature, but its adherence was written in stone. Those who defied or attempted to flout these rules, experienced the full wrath and disdain of all members of the family.

All forms of social misdemeanor were viewed with disdain and contempt. The church and all religious institutions selected appropriate verses from their holy scriptures and delivered sermons to their congregations, damning these practices, which were destroying the social fabric of societies, leaving them morally tattered. Indulgences in all shapes and forms were not tolerated. Throughout the history of man, these deviant behaviors and transgressions in man were criticized and condemned. Has history taught us anything?

There have been instances of genuine repentance and remorse from offenders. However, the weak and unprincipled individuals, reverted to their old ways and faced dire consequences. They were ostracized and became pariahs in their own families.

How times have changed ! The old treasured values have become yesterday’s garbage, relegated to the sidewalk, awaiting the arrival and pick-up of the Waste-Management Truck. Cherished family values, once the hall mark and cornerstone of each family, have rapidly crumbled and are facing extinction from the invasion of uncensored and unstoppable modern ideologies ... the New Age Philosophy. Exercising freedom of speech/expression has taken on a totally new meaning. The once, moral public guardian, the Censor Board, has become toothless and ineffective. With the proliferation of X-Rated material and their easy availability to everyone via movie houses, the internet and now in unsupervised vending machines, one wonders how this form of obscenity, passed the scrutiny of the Censor Board ? The Censor Board needs a serious overhaul. It might be a good idea to create another body, that would oversee the decisions taken by the Censor Board, before the helpless public is bombarded with, yet another installment of obscene thrash. Vulgarity and immorality characterize to

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