Where does a moderately popular internet star who never leaves her house look for potential suitors? Online. Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, OkCupid—I tried them all. My thirty-one-year-old self clicked and swiped her little heart out, leading to more dates than I could count, and more disappointment than I was prepared for.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you know all too well the perils of modern dating. But let’s say, eventually, you meet someone. You think to yourself, “Wow, they’re perfect! Take me off the market, put a ring on it, knock me up, the whole enchilada, because they are ‘the one.’” Let’s also say that they “feel the same way” about you. Your life starts to make sense! All the pain, heartbreak, and frustration from past failed relationships was worth it. Slow clap.
That’s how I felt about Milos. He was from Europe, a doctor, wealthy, athletic. He had an accent and a dog. Milos was textbook marriage material.
For him it was “love at first sight,” but for me, it was “anxiety on every date.”
Something was telling me to run—but for two years, the only running I did was straight into his arms.
If only I would have listened.
This isn’t a love story.
It’s my story of survival.
In Almost Adulting—perfect for budding adults, failing adults, and eaters of microwave mug brownies—Arden tells you how to survive your future adulthood. Topics include:Making internet friends who are cool and not murderersFlirting with someone in a way to make them think you are cool and not a murdererBeing in an actual relationship where you talk about your feelings in a healthy manner??? To the other person???????Eating enough proteinAssembling a somewhat acceptable adult wardrobe when you have zero dollarsGoing on adventures without starting to smellHow sex is supposed to feel, but, like, actually though
By the end of the book—a mash-up of essays, lists, and artwork—you'll have learned not only how to dress yourself, how to travel alone, how to talk to strangers online, and how to date strangers (in PERSON!), but also how to pass as a real, functioning, appropriately socialized adult.