Precious Heart-Broken Heart: Love & the Search for Finality in Divorce

AuthorHouse
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I chronicle the nature of grief peculiar to divorce in a personal manner through the lens of my experience and clinical understanding. I begin with love and end with love.

In Part One: I begin with the fantasy that turned into tragedy, and I use the analogy of a clock's mechanism to show the general nature and course of healthy grief especially in divorce. I start with an analogy of the mechanical nature of something totally non-mechanical and fully metaphysical. A mainspring, fulcrum, lever, and pendulums show how inward and outward expressions of grief facilitate or impede healing.

In Part Two: the Black Forest Pathway How Expression Unfolds chapters III through XII, a few other analogies are used to chronicle the journey through grief, like the "Bay of Heartbrokenness," the "Bridge of Finality," and the "Wasteland." With these analogies and some liberty, I take the reader on a walk through the "Black Forest," observing the various trees that make up grief in the various stages of a divorce.

In Part Three: the Black Forest What Helps Expression chapters XIII and XV, I step back and view the Black Forest as a whole; that is, in comparison with and without diminishing the grief of death, I show the peculiar and greater pain of divorce.

All analogies have some weaknesses, and there is no pretension to having chronicled every aspect. Even these are but scribbles. But perhaps the pictures and journey will help a little. If anything, I hope for an increase in sensitivity toward those going through a divorce, for it can be the most traumatic and painful event in a person's life indeed, life-changing.

For more information, go to www.preciousheart.net.

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About the author

Maness grew up in Southern California and migrated to Texas in 1972. After a short stint in the U.S. Air Force, Maness earned a B.A with a double major in Bible and Counseling at the Criswell Bible College from 1978 to 1985. This was a time of dire poverty and much struggle. He went on to earn a M.Div. with languages from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth in 1990, 1,600 hours of clinical from the Association of Clinical Pastoral Education at Shannon Hospital in San Angelo in 1992, became certified as a Suicide/Crisis Intervention Counselor for MHMR in the Concho Valley in 1991, and a D.Min. from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary in 1997.

He has received specialized training with the Texas Dept. of Human Services in Child Protective Services and with Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) in Cultural Diversity, Safe Prisons crisis intervention program, and in TDCJ’s Post Trauma Staff Support team.

He has traveled throughout the United States and to several countries including Belgium, Israel, Egypt, Jordan, and Syria.

He is the senior clinical chaplain at the Gib Lewis Texas State Prison and a Certified Correctional Chaplain with the American Correctional Chaplains Association. He is also a member of the American Correctional Association, Lions Club International, the Evangelical Theological Society, and several other state and national organizations.

He has written on a large variety of topics, both published and unpublished, and much of the work of his pen can be seen at his web site:

www.PreciousHeart.net

His interests focus on matters that affect the heart...the precious heart.

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Additional Information

Publisher
AuthorHouse
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Published on
Jan 9, 2003
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Pages
192
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ISBN
9781403375100
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Language
English
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Genres
Family & Relationships / Divorce & Separation
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Eligible for Family Library

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There’s no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or weeks that follow, there’s one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially that loser who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It’s called a breakup because it’s broken, and starting right here, right now, it’s time to dry your tears, put down that pint of ice cream, log out of his email, and open this book to chapter one—and start turning your breakup into a breakover.

From Greg Behrendt, coauthor of the smash, two-million-copy bestseller He’s Just Not That Into You, comes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken—the ultimate survival guide to getting over Mr. Wrong and reclaiming your inner Superfox. From how to put yourself through “He-tox” to how to throw yourself a kick-ass pity party, Greg and his coauthor and wife, Amiira, share their hilarious and helpful roadmap for getting past the heartache and back into the game. You will learn:

Why you shouldn’t call him—and what he’s thinking when you do
How to keep your friends and not lose your job
How to avoid breakup pitfalls: IM-ing, stalking, having sex with your ex
Reframing reality—seeing the relationship for what it was
How to transform yourself into a hot, happening Superfox and get a jump on the better, brighter future that awaits

Complete with an essential workbook to help you put the crazy down on paper and not take it out into the world, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken is a must-have manual for finding your way back to an even more rocking you.


From the Paperback edition.
Written by a man with extensive experience on the topic, Beyond the Breakup explains how men think about breakups, their ex-girlfriend, and how they perceive her behavior in the wake of a relationship's end. It also explains the implications this has for girls who are going through a breakup: what will and won't have an emotional effect on him, how to maximize your chances of getting him back, how and when you should contact him, what you should (and shouldn't) say, how to deal with seeing him again, and much more. The list of the chapter titles below give a good overview of the content. 

This book is not written for women with a weak spirit. It isn’t going to tell you how to mitigate the pain you feel in the wake of a breakup, and it isn’t going to tell you that everything is going to be fine. And while it will tell you how to maximize your chances of getting your ex back, it isn’t going to pretend that there are any ‘tricks’ to make that outcome likely. However, it will do something much more important: it will give you a strong insight into your ex’s state of mind and male psychology in general. This will give you the foundation you need to navigate the breakup and – more importantly – propel yourself into honest and successful relationships with the men in your future. 

Chapter List: 

Introduction 

PART I – UNDERSTANDING WHAT HAPPENED 

Men Don’t Fall in Love the Same Way Women Do
The Analogy Between Sex and Commitment
Why This Always Happens to You
Changing Your Perspective
Why You Didn’t See It Coming
Men Don’t Have “Commitment Problems”
The Difference Between Liking You and Liking You Enough
Why Men “Fade Out”
You Weren’t Dating Him in the First Place
The Small Things Didn’t Matter Anyway
Why Your Ex (Who Dumped You) Is Still Contacting You
Your Ex and Guilt
Your Ex and Pride
Your Ex and Decisiveness
Interpreting His Emotions
What’s Going Through His Mind

PART II – HOW TO HANDLE THE BREAKUP 

The Importance of Silence after a Breakup
No, You Can’t Be “Just Friends”
How to Know If You Should Cut Him Off
Why It’s Never Too Late
Why You Should Tell Him That You Are Cutting Him Off
What to Say
Managing Your Expectations
When You Should Fight to Save Your Relationship
Exceptions to the Rule
How to Know If You Should Dump Him First
When He Cheats
The Anatomy of Missing Him

PART III – FOLLOWING THROUGH WITH THE BREAKUP 

Making Him Jealous Doesn’t Work
Seeing Him at Work
Being Connected with Your Ex on Social Media
Returning His Things and Getting Yours Back
What to Do When He Contacts You
When He Says He Wants Another Chance
Reason and Distraction
Stop Sleeping with Your Ex to Prove He Likes You

PART IV – MOVING ON AND REBUILDING 

You Are Responsible for Your Own Romantic Happiness
Stop Letting Him Waste Your Time
Know Why You Want Him Back
Why Getting Him Back Won’t Help
Why Getting Dumped Is a Good Thing
The Importance of Emotional Honesty
Dating Again
Putting the Breakup in Perspective
When You Can Contact Him Again
Reframing the Future

A Final Word
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