I did not realize that I was feeling resentful, grieving, regretful, guilty and ashamed of myself. I used to feel like I was full of sin, I felt like God was disappointed in me and that later on, I would eventually go to hell. No matter what I did, I could not fill in my empty hole that was in my heart. Ignoring my past and my pain caused me to be the enemy to myself.
The journey inwards or looking at my reflection helped me see that I was living my life in fear and in denial. I thought it was everyone else outside of me that was causing hell in my life; I wanted to get out of bad karma. So I asked myself who is the enemy then? How does a person get out of self-hate, regret, pain and suffering?
If heaven is real then I will find it on earth? Can I ever truly heal and let go to experience self-liberation? I began to invest in self growth by many years of eternal self-actualization. This is how I began to see that inner peace is attainable. I realized that I had to take responsibility for my own happiness.