Unidentified Funny Objects 7

Unidentified Funny Objects

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SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HUMOR

The Unidentified Funny Objects series delivers an annual dose of funny, zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices!

* A long time ago in a galaxy close enough not to violate any copyrights, the clone army fighting for the side of the evil empire is made up of a bunch of bros named Chad.

* Can a couple of wise guys from New Jersey broker a sit down between two groups of warring aliens?

* Witness an epic battle of mad science vs. dark magic.

* US presidents elected in 1860 and 1960 were both assassinated. What's going to happen to whoever's elected in 2060?

* Beware the dragon polite enough to return your drone after it breached the barriers between worlds and bonked him on the snout.
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Additional Information

Publisher
UFO Publishing
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Published on
Sep 25, 2018
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Pages
288
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Language
English
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Genres
Fiction / Fantasy / Humorous
Fiction / Science Fiction / Humorous
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Content Protection
This content is DRM free.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Eligible for Family Library

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Unidentified Funny Objects is the first volume in the ongoing series of anthologies collecting humorous science fiction and fantasy stories. Packed with laughs, it has 29 stories ranging from lighthearted whimsy to the wild and zany.

Inside you will find a zombear, tweeting aliens, down-on-their-luck vampires, time twisting belly dancers, moon Nazis, stoned computers, omnivorous sex-maniac pandas, and a spell-casting Albert Einstein.

WARNING: Some stories contain R-rated content and are inappropriate for minors, nuns, and anyone who lacks a sense of humor.

Includes the following stories:

“El and Al vs. Himmler’s Horrendous Horde from Hell” by Mike Resnick
“The Alchemist’s Children” by Nathaniel Lee
“Moon Landing” by Lavie Tidhar
“Fight Finale from the Near Future” by James Beamon
“Love Thy Neighbors” by Ken Liu
“The Alien Invasion As Seen In The Twitter Stream of @dweebless” by Jake Kerr
“Dreaming Harry” by Stephanie Burgis
“The Last Dragon Slayer” by Chuck Rothman
“The Real Thing” by Don Sakers
“2001 Revisited via 1969″ by Bruce Golden
“The Working Stiff” by Matt Mikalatos
“Temporal Shimmies” by Jennifer Pelland
“One-Hand Tantra” by Ferrett Steinmetz
“Of Mat and Math” by Anatoly Belilovsky
“Timber!” by Scott Almes
“Go Karts of the Gods” by Michael Kurland
“No Silver Lining” by Zach Shephard
“If You Act Now” by Sergey Lukyanenko
“My Kingdom for a Horse” by Stephen D. Rogers
“First Date” by Jamie Lackey
“All I Want for Christmas” by Siobhan Gallagher
“Venus of Willendorf” by Deborah Walker
“An Unchanted Sword” by Jeff Stehman
“The Day They Repossessed my Zombies” by K.G. Jewell
“The Fifty One Suitors of Princess Jamatpie” by Leah Cypess
“The Secret Life of Sleeping Beauty” by Charity Tahmaseb
“The Velveteen Golem” by David Sklar
“The Worm’s Eye View” by Jody Lynn Nye
“Cake from Mars” by Marko Kloos
There is a distinct hint of Armageddon in the air. According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (recorded, thankfully, in 1655, before she blew up her entire village and all its inhabitants, who had gathered to watch her burn), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. So the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, the Four Bikers of the Apocalypse are revving up their mighty hogs and hitting the road, and the world's last two remaining witch-finders are getting ready to fight the good fight, armed with awkwardly antiquated instructions and stick pins. Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. . . . Right. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan.

Except that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon -- each of whom has lived among Earth's mortals for many millennia and has grown rather fond of the lifestyle -- are not particularly looking forward to the coming Rapture. If Crowley and Aziraphale are going to stop it from happening, they've got to find and kill the Antichrist (which is a shame, as he's a really nice kid). There's just one glitch: someone seems to have misplaced him. . . .

First published in 1990, Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's brilliantly dark and screamingly funny take on humankind's final judgment is back -- and just in time -- in a new hardcover edition (which includes an introduction by the authors, comments by each about the other, and answers to some still-burning questions about their wildly popular collaborative effort) that the devout and the damned alike will surely cherish until the end of all things.

The fifth book in New York Times-bestselling Seanan McGuire's witty urban fantasy InCryptid series about a family of cryptozoologists who act as a buffer between humans and the magical creatures living in secret around us.

"The only thing more fun than an October Daye book is an InCryptid book." —Charlaine Harris, #1 New York Times-bestselling author of Sookie Stackhouse series

Destiny, Noun:

   1. The inevitable or irresistible course of events.
   2. The inescapable future.
   3. See also “Screwed.”

Verity Price is back on the West Coast and getting back into the swing of the family business: cryptozoology. She's rescuing cryptids from bad situations, protecting them from monster-hunters, and generally risking life and limb for the greater good, with her ex-Covenant partner/husband, Dominic, by her side. Her ballroom dance career is behind her...or so she thinks.

When Verity gets the call from the producers of Dance or Die, the reality show she almost won several years before, she finds the lure of a comeback impossible to resist, and she and Dominic are off to L.A. for one last shot at the big time.
 
Of course, nothing is that simple. When two of her fellow contestants turn up dead, Verity will need every ally she can find—and a couple she wasn't looking for—in order to navigate the complicated steps of both the tango and a murder investigation without blowing her cover. It doesn't help that her official family backup is her grandmother, Alice Price-Healy, who thinks "subtle" is something that happens to other people.

Winning this competition may have just become a matter of life and death.
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