She's the fearless and fashion-forward toddler taking over the world one elaborate play date at a time. From designer duds to posh friends to even the most avant-garde snack foods, Quinoa is setting trends and taking names. (In fact, see her list of approved baby names inside.) She's got more cool factor than the Kardashian, Jolie-Pitt, and Paltrow offspring combined. Oh yeah . . . she's also imaginary.
Based on the wildly popular Pinterest board, My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter, How to Quinoa will take you on a tour of high fashion hilarity with snapshots and stories from the life of the world's most influential toddler, plus tips and best practices to transform your own life and wardrobe from snore to roar. Quinoa will show you how to do everything from raising a superior child to securing a compatible BFF. And from finding your own path to designer happiness to practicing on-trend hobbies like drinking flavored lemonades from mason jars. So, ask yourself this: Are you ready to Quinoa?
In this authorized parody of one of rock and roll’s biggest icons, fans will find incredible “facts” about the legend that is Gene Simmons, peppered with words of wisdom straight from the Demon’s tongue, hilarious reactions to Gene from kids, reimagined movie posters featuring Gene Simmons in the title role, and much, much more.
· The Gene Simmons chess set has 1 king and 31 pawns.
· When Gene Simmons breaks a sweat, everyone scrambles to put it back together.
· Gene Simmons can get to the center of a Tootsie Pop in one lick.
· When Gene Simmons walks into a strip club the girls pay him.
· Gene Simmons doesn't need an umbrella because rain knows better.
- Stan Lee was going to make Gene Simmons a Superhero, but decided to stick to fiction.
Kent Woodyard has been a columnist for McSweeney's Internet Tendency since 2009. He has also written for Relevant Magazine, The Big Jewel, and Yankee Pot Roast. Originally from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, Kent now lives in Southern California. This is his first book.
While we may be a nation of messers and begrudgers, we’ll always have a soft spot for our land of sunny spells and scattered showers. Who else but the Irish can perform minor miracles with a prayer to St Anthony? Or truly appreciate the medicinal purposes of Flat 7Up? Not to mention the front room, chipper chips and the ‘bad pint’!
From things you’ll only hear and taste in Ireland to tips for surviving any social situation (an Irish wedding anyone?!), Ronan Moore’s witty, irreverent and nostalgic guide will have you laughing your way to a degree in Irishology.
Altogether now … ‘Lowwww lie the Fields of Athenryyyy’
'"Mrs Byrne, you've a beautiful, very pale, ginger-haired baby boy with a wonky eye." As she was handed me by the midwife, my mother wept for all the wrong reasons. She could have shagged a platypus and I still would have come out better than this.'
So begins Jason Byrne's Adventures of a Wonky-Eyed Boy, a laugh-out-loud memoir that captures the childhood adventures of an accident-prone youngster in 1970s and 1980s suburban Dublin.
It was a time when your brother persuaded you to eat the grease behind the cooker by telling you it was caramel, your house was blown up by lightning, your dad mixed up the toothpaste and the 'arse-cream', and you fell asleep on Sunday nights to the sound of one of the neighbours - who were all named Paddy - drunkenly singing 'Magic Moments' in the good front room. All of this while trying to stop your wonky eye from giving the game away.
Jason Byrne's childhood adventures are nostalgic, heart-warming and, above all, hilarious.
Everyone knows that America is “the land of the free and the home of the brave,” but sometimes that means we’re free to be as bravely stupid as we want! In Unusually Stupid Americans, Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras assemble choice bits of stupidity, U.S.A.-style, including
•the top seriously flawed American advertising moments, including Pacific Airlines’ brilliant “You’re scared of flying? So’s our pilot!” ad campaign, which led the airline to bankruptcy within two months of the campaign’s inception
•the Martin Luther King, Jr., celebration in Florida, where a plaque was un-veiled that was intended to honor the actor James Earl Jones but instead read, “Thank you James Earl Ray for keeping the dream alive” (an unfortunate slip-up, as James Earl Ray was King’s assassin)
•and much more!
From the Trade Paperback edition.
- Hairiest Man—Victor “Larry” Ramos Gomez, with 98% of his body covered
- Most Tattoos on a Senior Citizen—Isobel Varley, with 93% of her body covered
- Longest Distance on a Unicycle for Twenty-Four Hours— Sam Wakeling, who covered 281.85 miles in 2007
- Most Asparagus Eaten in Ten Minutes—Joey Chestnut, with 9 lbs., 5.2 oz. in 2011
- And hundreds more!
Sure to leave you shocked, amused, and entertained, The Weirdest and Wackiest World Records is the perfect source to learn about the most bizarre feats that have ever been successfully attempted. So whether you’re fascinated by the crazy people who set these records or are looking for an insane record to break, you’ll most certainly find it here. This is a book you will have to read to believe!
Anyone can be a success, but it takes real and original genius to foul up big time. These are the all-time greats, Gods in the field of failure, surreal artists, who spurn mere drab success ('I'm a winner, Lord Sugar') to explore the vast, magical, life-enhancing possibilities of getting it wrong. Any of us could make a mistake, but these great souls can turn the simplest everyday task into a scene of jaw-dropping wonder. These are the immortals.
Stephen Pile, President of the Not Terribly Good Club of Great Britain and author of the number-one best-seller The Book of Heroic Failures, takes us on an all-new and mind-bendingly hilarious tour to celebrate the most spectacular and absurd failures of the last twenty-five years.
Failure is everywhere. There are 235 stories in total spread from the Outer Hebrides to America, Ireland, Australia, Europe and Africa. The Syrian entry, for example, holds the world all-comers record as the driver who got most lost under satnav direction (5000 miles).
From the most driving test failures (959), the most pointless election (in Dakota, in which not even the mayor voted), the worst robbery (when two different sets of bank robbers struck simultaneously) and the worst mugger (who left his victim $250 better off), to the holidaying rugby team of fifty-somethings from Dorchester who, due to a mis-translation, ended up playing the top team from Romania live on state TV, this is the ultimate book to make you feel better about yourself and the world around you.
The Ultimate Book of Heroic Failures fails miserably at failing to be a runaway success amongst funny books.
• Walt Disney’s frozen body?
• Coca-Cola owning Santa Claus?
• Alligators living in New York City sewers?
We all love a good story. But where do the urban legends, conspiracy theories, and old wives’ tales we hear every day really originate? Albert Jack explores the best, strangest, and funniest of the tales so many of us take as gospel, and uncovers some eye-popping true stories that are even more far-fetched than their mythical counterparts. From Robin Hood to JFK’s brain, from hamsters under carpets to mysterious travelers, you’ll never be short of a scary or bizarre anecdote again.