About this ebook
Hello, I’m Maittrey.I grew up surrounded by violence, and as an adult, I unconsciously sought refuge in abusive relationships—simply because I had no idea what a healthy one looked like. This is my story, but also the story of thousands of women and men who, like me, found themselves trapped in the web of manipulation and abuse.
I was raised by a narcissistic father and a mother who chose to live a foreign life—one filled with pain. She never had the courage to take responsibility for her own destiny.
Today, years later, I understand that both of them carried deep, untreated wounds. And despite all their misery and unhappiness, they felt strangely comfortable in their codependency. Their toxic relationship created an atmosphere thick with tension, mistrust, and constant conflict.
If my parents had been aware of their traumas—if they had found the courage to confront and process them—perhaps they might have managed to build a healthy relationship, or at least coexist peacefully, if not lovingly. But first, they would have needed to accept their imperfections and support each other through the process of healing.
Acknowledging their vulnerabilities, talking openly about their fears and needs, could have helped them form a bond based on mutual respect and understanding. Unfortunately, they did not know how. That was how things were back then—expressing feelings and needs was taboo.
As a result, I inherited their pain and frustration, which left deep scars on my life.
My childhood and teenage years were complicated—filled with spiritual, psychological, and physical suffering. The violence between my parents was a nightmare that spilled relentlessly onto me. Every argument, every shout, every aggressive gesture carried a brutal message: I do not matter. Love does not exist. Family is self-punishment.
In that toxic environment, the education I received became a constant source of fear and insecurity, not of guidance or support. I learned to hide my emotions to avoid judgment, to suppress my inner rebellion for fear of punishment. Fear and mistrust took root deep within my soul.
I began to think and act just like my parents in my relationships with others—behavior that caused conflict and stunted my personal growth for many years. Instead of focusing on my dreams, on personal or professional progress, I had to fight my fears, rediscover myself, re-educate my mind, and search for the meaning of my life.
I remember how sometimes I tried to open up, to seek genuine connections with others—yet each attempt was blocked by my own anxiety. The fear of rejection and judgment made me vulnerable, turning me into prey for manipulators—for psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths alike.
I felt lonely and powerless, constantly seeking validation and acceptance to fill the emptiness in my soul. While I could have built my own boundaries and nurtured self-confidence, I allowed others to dictate who I was, what I should feel, and how I should behave.
By the time I turned thirty, I was still trapped in the maze of emotional and psychological abuse—a web of lies and manipulation from which I could not escape.
It was then, for the first time, that I realized I was living a life that was not mine—repeating my parents’ story. I understood that I was not just a passive victim, but also responsible for attracting manipulators into my life. I did not understand my own worth, I was not aware of my strengths, and I held the mistaken belief that anyone who offered me a bit of support or validation deserved an important place in my life.
Every step toward healing was painful, yet necessary. Gradually, I learned that I am not defined by my past—that I have the power to choose my own path, to set healthy boundaries, and to build relationships grounded in respect and authenticity.
On this journey, I discovered I was not alone—that many others like me had been lured into the same web of toxic, manipulative relationships. By sharing my story, I realized I could bring comfort, courage, and understanding to those still struggling to save themselves.
Although the wounds may seem deep and painful, it is possible to rediscover our inner strength, detach from what harms us, and learn to live in harmony with ourselves. Healing begins with acknowledging our suffering and the impact that abuse has had on our lives.
Once we step onto the path of awareness, it becomes essential to listen to our emotions and understand our reactions more deeply. This awareness allows us to release the toxic patterns that have shaped our perceptions, choices, and decisions.
We must remember that emotional and spiritual recovery is a complex process. There will be difficult periods, but every step we take toward healing helps us transform weakness into strength—to uncover our qualities, to become aware of our frustrations and complexes, and to learn to act freely, without fear or prejudice.
Without healing, we cannot cultivate inner harmony, spiritual power, or healthy relationships.
Key message
At thirty, I was still lost in the labyrinth of emotional and psychological abuse. That was when I realized I was living a foreign life—following my parents’ script.
I was not just a passive victim, but responsible for attracting manipulators.
I did not understand my own worth; I was unaware of my qualities and lived with the false belief that anyone who offered me a bit of support or validation deserved a place of importance in my life.
Maittrey
