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Mean Machine

2002 • 99 minutes
3.9
11 reviews
34%
Tomatometer
15
Rating
Eligible

About this movie

The classic Burt Reynolds football-behind-bars flick The Longest Yard crosses the pond and gets an appropriate British accent in the process in this rough-and-tumble mixture of sports and action-comedy. Danny Mehan (Vinnie Jones) was one of the biggest stars in British football (what Americans call soccer), until he was caught rigging a game during a championship tournament. In the wake of this scandal, Danny's career takes a nosedive and his life spins out of control, until he finally ends up in prison for three years on an assault and battery conviction. Danny discovers there are a number of football fans behind bars who still hate him for fixing the game, but Danny has one powerful fan in this prison. The warden (David Hemmings) is a devoted football supporter with a taste for gambling; he's been trying to assemble a semi-pro team comprised of the prison's guards, but Danny is just smart enough to know this would seal his fate with his fellow prisoners. Instead, he offers to put together a team of inmates, who can play practice games against the guards. A new inmate, Sykes (John Forgeham), gets wind of Danny's idea and arranges an exhibition match between Danny's new team and the guards, though Sykes' motivation is more than just good fun. A powerful bookie, Sykes lost a fortune on the game Danny threw, and expects betting to be heavy for this game. If Danny and his men win, Sykes could make back the fortune he lost, but if the guards come out ahead, Danny's goose is cooked. Can Danny turn a gang of losers, misfits, and violent psychopaths — including muscle-bound lunatic Monk (Jason Statham), creepy but loyal Billy the Limpit (Danny Dyer), tough guy Massive (Vas Blackwood), pyromaniac Nitro (Robbie Gee), and enthusiastic but out-of-shape Raj (Omid Djalili) — into a proper team with a fighting chance of winning? Mean Machine was produced by Matthew Vaughn, who was also behind Guy Ritchie's tough-but-stylish crime comedies Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch. Star Vinnie Jones, by the way, enjoyed a career as a professional footballer in Great Britain before turning to acting.
Rating
15

Ratings and reviews

3.9
11 reviews
Darren Walker
August 19, 2018
HERE IS A FILM THAT TOOK THE COAT BY THE TAILS. TELLING THE STORY OF DANNY MEHAN ENGLAND FOOTBALL CAPTAIN AND FORMER HERO TO ONE AND ALL FINDING HIMSELF IN PRISON. AND A GUVNOR WHOM WISHES FOR OUR HERO TO COACH HIS TEAM. NOT WISHING TO PLAY BALL DANNY IS SHOWN THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS WITH HILARIOUS RESULT LOVE FOOTBALL LARGER AND WOMEN THEN LOVE MEANMACHINE AND VINNIE JONES AND A STERLING STAND ALONE PERFORMANCE IN YOUR SECOND FAVORITE FILM EXCELLENT ENJOYABLE OUTSTANDING 4 OUT OF 5.
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Davy Young
June 18, 2023
Pure SHITE.... Vinny Jones as wooden as the Horse Of Troy
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Shaun Carney
July 1, 2022
BRILLIANT MOVIE VERY FUNNY AND SOME GREAT ACTOR'S and
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