Better Off Ted

Veridian Dynamics tries to match employees based on their genetic compatibility; Linda and Ted find themselves instantly attracted to their supposed matches.

When a wave of layoff hits Veridian and little Rose seems to have inside info because of a friend in her Hive playgroup, Veronica tries to pump her for information, much to Ted's disapproval. Meanwhile, Linda is elated to sell her first children's book -- until someone points out that her lead character, a lemur, is the spitting image of Phil -- and Lem starts a passionate affair with one of the company lawyers (guest star Chelsey Crisp), only to find out that his paycheck is being docked for the "billable hours" he's spending with his new girlfriend.

Lem flips out when his mother (guest star Khandi Alexander, "CSI: Miami"), a brilliant scientist who has always intimidated him, comes to visit and begins an affair with Dr. Bhamba (Maz Jobrani). Meanwhile, Ted gets miffed when Linda suddenly gets all the credit after she makes a suggestion to improve on his prize project, a light bulb that burns forever.

When Veronica's sexy magician boyfriend Mordor (guest star Mark Deklin) comes to town and she starts slacking off at work big time, Ted tries to interfere in her love life to get her back on track. Meanwhile, Lem is perplexed when he is mysteriously given a bright red lab coat while everyone else has plain white ones . . . is someone at Veridian trying to tell him something?

When a misunderstanding leads oddball Sheila (guest star Merrin Dungey) to falsely accuse both Ted and Linda of sexual harassment, Veronica comes up with a solution to avoid having them punished. She convinces Veridian to classify sexual harassment as a disease so anyone accused of it can't be held responsible. But when the employees get wind of the new rule, things start to get a little crazy in the office.

After an employee literally drops dead in the midst of Veridian's big push to finish a major project -- a machine that ironically will get people to sleep -- Veronica tries to use the incident as inspiration to make the staff work even harder.

Ted struggles with an overly talkative security guard (guest star Chip Chinery) who worships him and wants to be his best friend. Meanwhile, a terrified Phil and Lem face the prospect of working alone with Veronica for the first time.

When a typo in a memo about inappropriate behavior at Veridian Dynamics orders employees to now engage in offensive language, Ted tries to convince the company to correct the error, but not before the insults start flying. Meanwhile, Veronica is afraid, and guilty... If the company can make such a stupid mistake, can it be that her own promotion is the result of a typo on a memo meant for W. Palmer and not V. Palmer?

Ted insists on taking the high road after his nemesis at work (guest star Kyle Bornheimer) comes up with almost the exact same project that Ted's team has been working on. But Veronica will stop at nothing to get the upper hand.

Ted romances a beautiful German executive (guest star Stefanie von Pfetten) who can't speak a word of English. It doesn't matter - Veridian is developing a translation device for her company, enabling the two to communicate. The problem is, the voice of the device is Phil's, which ruins the mood for Ted.

Ted helps his fast talking brother, Billy (guest star Eddie McClintock), get a job selling lab equipment for one of Veridian's biggest suppliers, but no good deed goes unpunished, as Billy proceeds to sell Veridian more equipment than they could ever use and corrupts Phil and Lem in the process. Meanwhile, a charity for girls that Veridian supports gives Veronica an award, but when she and Linda learn that the company actually gives very little of the money it raises to the charity, they set out to make things right.

Ted is put in charge of a new employee rewards system where the company doles out tickets exchangeable for prizes. Trouble ensues when he is scrutinized for unfairly favoring Linda because he has a crush on her. Lem and Phil seek respect at work and develop a mafia-like ticket counterfeiting system. Veronica is visited by a "ghost of Christmas future" in the form of a board member who devoted his life to the company but is being forced out.

Ted learns how to navigate the "kid mafia" after Rose is invited to a play date with Chet's daughter and Veronica is forced to find her own way into the club. Lem and Phil believe they've taken their friendship with Linda to the next level after they agree to lend her $2500 but are taken aback when they discover she's throwing a party and they didn't make the guest list.