You're the hero. You're also the problem.

A wizard destroyed your door. A prophecy called your name. The Seers — who have been wrong about everything except this one catastrophe they won't stop mentioning — have declared you the Chosen One.

You'd really rather not, thanks.

Do the Wrong Thing! is a comedy fantasy text adventure where running away, being rude, and hiding behind flower pots are legitimate survival strategies. Every wrong choice is somehow the right one — if you can figure out which wrong is right this time.

⚔️ 24 unique playthroughs — 6 races × 4 classes, each reacting, fighting, and failing differently
💀 A dozen endings ranging from domestic bliss to accidental heroism. And one involving a troll.
🛣️ Four branching routes through 150+ scenes — the Dreadwood, Baron's Road, the Riverway, the Mountain Pass
👥 Three companions who remember how you treated them. A neglected ally might be "tying their shoelaces" at the critical moment.
💘 Romance paths for those who believe love can bloom in a muddy ditch outside a besieged village
🎭 Story text that adapts to your race, class, gender, and every bad decision you've made

The game remembers everything. Were you kind to the wizard who ruined your door? That comes back around. Ate the prophecy scroll? The words glow through your skin now. Befriended a bridge troll? He remembers. The Seers had a filing system for this.

Your first complete playthrough is FREE.
Unlock unlimited replays for $2.99 — for those who believe fifty mistakes aren't enough.

Also featuring:
• Dark fantasy art in an illustrated storybook style
• Plays offline — the prophecy doesn't need signal
• Auto-save — your mistakes are preserved for posterity
• Path Tracker — find every hidden branch and wrong turn
• Past Adventures journal — a permanent record of your failures
• Anonymous analytics, off by default — your wrong choices are your business

Fortune favours the foolish.