Jordan Smith
This movie will remind you of the original Korean cult classic only insofar as you are disappointed by the poor pacing, the ridiculousness of the villain - one who comes across as solely weird, not terrifying, the lack of any real psychological intrigue, and the utterly outmatched actors. I'm a fan of Josh Brolin, but if you're hoping for an electrifying repeat of his performance in No Country For Old Men, keep hoping. Spike Lee, this was atrocious.
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Miguel Torres
Somehow boring. Just watch the the hallway fight seen. There are blood sound effects but no blood graphics? People are getting stabbed and beat with a hammer but there is no blood or visceral damage. It was an odd choice. But it represents the movie pretty well. A boring duplicate of the original, with odd choices to differentiate it, that never really work out. But obviously it's not like most of us could do any better so kudos for trying?
Psychotic Bob
Incest is best! Let me kidnap you, imprison you, rape and kill your wife then frame you for it, set you free 20 years later, somehow get you to have sex with your own daughter then show you video proof of you making mad passionate love to her just to prove it to you! Don't think it's possible? Then you haven't seen Oldboy! Also contains some epically terrible fight sccenes that not even the actors in said scenes can believe. Oh. And Samuel L. Jackson. Because reasons.