The Legend of Hercules

2014 • 98 phút

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Banished by his stepfather, the king, Hercules slowly becomes aware of his true origins as the son of Zeus. As he learns to harness his demi-god powers, Hercules gathers an army to fight his way back to his kingdom in this action-filled epic.

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This movie was horrible. The acting is atrocious. People in this film are either boring or over the top. The effects are atrocious. They look like they would fit into a film that came out ten years ago. The writing is atrocious. It follows the Hercules of legend as closely as if someone made a Batman movie, in which Batman's parents are just fine, Alfred doesn't exist, and Batman's arch rival is a Mexican fast food employee named George. And the story alone has terrible pacing and hilarious dialogue. The only way you will enjoy this movie is if: A. You have friends over and you're in that riffing mood. B. You're drunk. C. All of the above. Seriously, stay far, far away from this movie, unless you want to riff something with pals.

Another Hollywood Macho formulaic bore-fest of archetypes created to suck the pockets of wounded suburban white-middle-class grade school meat-headed jock boys and their half-asleep narcissistic female breeder counterparts. Cha-ching. Paying to see this smelly brain-phlegm? Go roll naked in dirty glass shards. You'll have a better time and feel as if you've made the wiser choice. Unfortunately I lost my soul just watching the movie trailer.

Kellan Putz cannot act. He's good at smiling and batting his eyes like a Starbucks barista. It explains why he had no dialogue in the Twilight series. Liam Mcyntire (Spartacus!) literally carries him through the film. He should be on the cover. The villains were interesting characters, but under developed. There were complaints about the CGI lightning, but the lion was much worse. It looked like they threw a stuffed animal on top of Putz to wrestle. My wife thought it was ok, so the target audience must be bored housewives.