Archer

In yet another attempt to secure funding for ISIS, Malory drags her agents to the luxury winter resort town of Gstaad to protect a Swiss billionaire's daughter from a kidnapping threat. But Archer soon finds out the real threat is his protectee: an underage nymphomaniac who will stop at nothing to bed the world's greatest spy.

After Malory is wiped out in a Ponzi scheme, she hatches a scheme of her own: selling ISIS -- lock, stock and snack machines -- to archrival spy agency ODIN. Archer and the rest of the ISIS employees, rightfully fearing for their jobs, must use every trick in the book (ISIS Field Manual, 3rd Edition) to try to stop the sale.

Archer is in for a huge (well, about ten pounds) surprise when his favorite call girl, Trinette, shows up at ISIS with a bouncing baby boy on her hip. And a subpoena for a paternity test in her purse. Is Archer the father of the wee baby Seamus? Well, that's what the paternity test is for. That's why they have those.

While Malory tries to make ISIS a green workplace, Archer and Lana head to the Louisiana bayous to prevent a dangerous eco-terrorist from bombing America's largest natural gas pipeline. Archer's equipment checklist for the mission will include an airboat, a sawn-off shotgun, a compound bow, and nine cases of beer.

When members of Woodhouse's famed WWI Royal Flying Corps squadron (the old "Double Deuce") start dying mysteriously, he naturally suspects foul play. As does Archer, who tries to help his loyal manservant track down the killer. While also babysitting the wee baby Seamus. So it should be a fairly busy weekend.

Tired of his colleagues constantly calling him a failure, Cyril agrees to help George Spelvin, a mysterious computer security expert, inject a virus into the ISIS mainframe so Cyril can defeat the virus and be seen as a hero. Not surprisingly, the plan goes awry: Cyril didn't count on sexy, bikini-clad ninjas.

The normal childish squabbles, sneaky backbiting, and petty jealousies at ISIS are multiplied exponentially when a famous Hollywood actress, Rona Thorne, spends a week shadowing the agents as research for an upcoming role in a spy movie. A movie in which Malory would -- and may -- literally kill to land a part.

After Malory's brief scare with breast cancer, another ISIS agent decides to be tested for the disease, with a tragic result. The other agent is Archer, and the tragic result is that yes, he has breast cancer. Because a career spent disarming nuclear warheads and having sex in x-ray machines will tend to do that.

When Archer discovers the chemotherapy drugs he's been taking for his breast cancer are counterfeit -- consisting mainly of sucrose and Zima -- he sets out to destroy the criminals behind the scheme. Only this time, it's personal. And also this time, Archer's wearing a colorful headscarf and dragging around an IV stand.

ISIS goes into full lockdown after Pam is abducted by kidnappers. Wait, Pam? Yes, but the kidnappers were really after Cheryl/Carol. Wait, Cheryl/Carol? Yes, because Cheryl/Carol isn't quite who she appears to be. Or is it whom? We'll find the answers to these questions -- and two more -- on this episode of Archer.

When a mysterious stranger summons Malory and her intrepid ISIS agents to Monaco, all bets are off! Well, actually all bets are on. Because Monaco is basically one giant casino, and Archer has $4 million in untraceable bearer bonds. Also, it's Gran Prix week, so you can just forget getting a hotel room.

Archer's search for his father's identity leads him behind the Iron Curtain... and into hot water! Old wounds are reopened when ODIN agent Barry Dylan is sent to rescue Archer, who falls in love with a beautiful -- and mysterious -- woman.

Suspicion and jealousy are rife at ISIS as Krieger nears completion of a top secret project, and Archer brings beautiful -- and mysterious -- former KGB agent Katya Kazanova home to meet Malory. Who reacts about like one would expect.