Dan Vs.

Chris and Elise travel to Rhode Island to visit Elise's parents (Don (Michael Gross) and Elise Sr. (Meredith Baxter)) and her brother Ben for the Thanksgiving holiday. Dan, surprisingly, is actually invited along and even welcomed with open arms. With Mr. Mumbles, his "world famous" secret recipe for deviled eggs, and a healthy dose of paranoia in tow, Dan trepidatiously embarks on the final frontier... familial acceptance. Will Dan learn to trust and hug? Will Mr. Mumbles like turkey? Will Elise's dad ever stop giving Chris a hard time? FIND OUT... when Dan verses the Family Thanksgiving!

Dan needs money to buy a Christmas gift for Mr. Mumbles. Chris, needing money for a Christmas gift for Elise, takes seasonal work at the mall and suggests Dan do the same. After hemming and hawing he reluctantly agrees, and it's off to the Christmas Crossing display in the Mall with the both of them. As one might guess, Dan quickly runs afoul of the Mall Santa and vows hot-blooded, holiday revenge. Meanwhile, Elise's superiors tell her that an enemy agent is in her area, probably with orders to "neutralize" her. So she's got stuff to worry about, too. Special Guest star Mark Hamill returns. But this time... as a DIFFERENT CHARACTER!

Dan is beside himself. They've been going back and forth all day. New neighbors are moving in next door to Dan. They couldn't be nicer people, so Dan immediately suspects their true, nefarious nature. Chris assures Dan that they are just plain old regular, nice folks. Elise tries to get him to reach out to the new folks in his building. Elise and Chris together try to get him to come around. No dice! Dan is sure that they are straight up no-goodniks and he will see them move!

All Dan wants to do is watch a DVD marathon of the final season of his and Chris' favorite inappropriate pay cable show, but at every turn he is inconvenienced by dance. Learning that Chris has indefinitely postponed the DVD marathon to practice for a dance contest with Elise pushes him over the brink. He will not rest until the contest is ruined and his DVD marathon can proceed unfettered. Dan demands that Chris drop out immediately. But the contest is very important to Elise, and she ensures that Dan will get an education in the art of dance that he will never forget.

Dan just wants to take five dollars out of the last ATM that allows one to take out five dollars. He does so successfully, but notices that his withdrawal fee has jumped an entire fifty cents (on top of the two dollars he was already used to). Outraged, he takes it up with an unconcerned bank manager. Finding no satisfaction, he determines to get revenge. The bank in question has also let down Elise when she needed it most; as such, she joins Dan and a reluctant Chris to take it to the bank like it stole their lunch money.

"Dan is awoken with a start. At first, he thinks it's just Mr. Mumbles having a little post-taco indigestion, but that turns out to be wishful thinking when Dan's bed, clothes, and even his burrito are all under attack by what seems like a monster under the bed. Frightened and without his pants, Dan and Mr. Mumbles narrowly escape the beast's tentacled grasp and head to Chris and Elise, whose help Dan desperately needs to destroy the monster and get back into his home. And his pants.
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Dan is planning a birthday party for Mr. Mumbles and needs Chris' help to prepare for the festivities. But when Chris is unavailable, Dan discovers that Chris has been spending most of his free time playing golf with his boss. Furious, Dan tries to sway Chris from the sport but it only strengthens Chris' resolve to continue playing. Reluctantly, Dan enlists Elise, who has also been the victim of Chris' shirked responsibilities and the two plot to not only remove Chris from his new obsession, but destroy the game for good!

Annoyed by Chris and Elise's preoccupation with working out, and embarrassed by an unflattering fitness assessment by a cocky trainer, Dan sets out to have his revenge on the gym! But after minor sabotages don't seem to do much good, Dan decides to narrow his focus and investigate the cocky trainer who insulted him personally. Tracking him after hours, Dan is led to a secret location where he discovers a much larger fitness conspiracy than he could have ever imagined!

When Dan's not-so-secret crush Hortence announces she is getting married to the CEO of Burgerphile, Dan sets out to stop the wedding at all costs! But his plan to ruin the blessed event goes awry when he notices Hortence distraught over a missing bridesmaid and his affection for her gets the best of him. Before Dan knows it, he has inadvertently agreed to be the substitute in Hortence's bridal party! But always finding ways of turning a negative around, Dan hatches a new scheme -- to destroy the wedding day from the inside out!

"Of all the doors in all the cities, she had to knock on mine." Dan's life takes a film nourish turn when a beautiful but mysterious stranger named Honey O'Houlihan comes to him desperately in need of help. Having seen Dan all over town with Mr. Mumbles, Honey pegged Dan as a man with a special connection to cats, and thinks he will be able to solve the mysterious disappearance of her own beloved feline. Seduced by her beauty and the intriguing mystery, Dan takes the case. But he soon finds himself in over his head when Mr. Mumbles herself goes missing and the lies, betrayals, and danger starts to pile up beyond control!

When an actual living, breathing dinosaur inadvertently crushes Dan's car, Dan is not sure whether to alert the media, or seek revenge. Naturally, his baser instincts take over as usual, and he sets out with Chris to destroy the prehistoric menace. Along the way they team up with Mel Darwin, TV's renowned, but slightly off-kilter "Reptile Wrestler" and soon they are knee deep in dino plaque, a neighborhood "Lost dog" epidemic and a media frenzy. Little do they know, however, that the dinosaur is the product of a secret government experiment and Elise has been assigned to deal with the problem personally. But will she be able to neutralize the threat and keep the dino under wraps before Dan succeeds with his more direct means of animal control?

Mindless big budget blockbusters. Moronic, ever changing "hip" slang. Pointless TV shows glorifying unhealthy behavior. The world is getting dumber by the second and Dan is fed up! It's time to end stupidity once and for all. And with cuts in education and politically mandated societal rules making every aspect of life more convenient for the lowest common denominator, Dan knows right where to start -- the Governor's office! But when he uncovers a plan to dumb down all Americans, Dan finds himself in the middle of a nationwide conspiracy that could unravel the very fabric of the USA.

Dan is being harassed by a neverending stream of bothersome telemarketer calls, asking him to sign up, buy, and donate everything under the sun. At his wits' end, he heads to Chris and Elise's house hoping for peace, but the calls somehow continue. It's as if someone knows his every move and location. After a quick bit of internet investigation, the three head to the spot where the barrage of calls seems to be streaming from, and find something altogether unexpected. The offending caller is none other than Dan's prior nemesis, the Dan Imposter! Furious after being sent to prison due to Dan's earlier manipulations, the Imposter is bent on settling the score and soon Dan finds himself entangled in an ever-increasing high stakes game of revenge vs revenge!

Humiliated after being tricked into appearing on a popular TV dating show, Dan sets his sights on destroying that most heinous of pop cultural fads - reality television! But when a slimy Hollywood TV producer decides that angry, opinionated Dan makes for "great TV," he manipulates our little revenge-seeker into appearing on yet ANOTHER reality show and sets him up to fail miserably. But this time Dan is not taking it lying down and his revenge plot takes on a new life. Not only will he destroy reality TV itself, but he will also win the top prize and personally reap the glorious benefits!

From movie theaters to restaurants to parks, Dan is forever surrounded by obnoxious kids and, even more annoyingly, their oblivious parents who either do not know how, or refuse, to control their offspring. Fed up, Dan heads out to adopt his own child to prove that he would be a better parent than any of the horrible examples from his community. But when he finally finds the perfect child to mold in his own impeccable image, he learns that the kid already has prospective adoptive parents. If he wants the little guy, he's going to have to fight for him - literally! Dan is soon engaged in an all-out toy store free-for-all battle with a very determined young couple to see who is ultimately better suited to raise a child.

A huge warehouse-type superstore moves in right down the street from Dan's apartment, and with it comes the traffic, the noise, and of course, the masses of consumers desperate to save a buck by buying things in bulk that they will never use in a lifetime. All of this would be enough for Dan to want revenge, but to top it all off, Chris has become obsessed with the store and is quickly sending himself and Elise into debt with his endless purchases. Feeling like the only sane one left in town not giving in to the mass consumerism, Dan decides to take down the Gigundo-Mart. But this proves easier said than done when a determined Greeter, a web of store policy red tape, and the sheer size of his opponent forces Dan to think outside the box with his vendetta. Little does he know that Elise, fed up with Chris' overspending, has set her sights on the Gigundo-Mart as well and will stop at nothing to bring her husband back from his buying insanity.....and she has the hi-tech weaponry to do some real damage!

Revenge becomes deeply personal when Chris takes possession of a treasured piece of film memorabilia that he and Dan jointly won on a call-in radio program. With both friends claiming exclusive rights to the item, and neither willing to bend, it's a battle royale with each side hitting the other where it truly hurts. Chris takes aim at Dan's home, selling all of his worldly goods, and Dan enlists Don and Elise Sr. to finally get back at the son-in-law they never liked. The fight escalates to a full-on cliffside brawl worthy of the history books. But will either survive? And if they do, can this friendship be saved?

On a cross-country mission of revenge against a puddling manufacturer, Dan and Chris are sidetracked by the lure of a day of old-fashioned cowboy fun at a local desert dude ranch. But their day soon turns sour when Dan becomes disgusted at the ridiculous prices and inauthentic, sanitized western entertainment. Denied a refund, Dan and Chris set out into the desert on horseback to where the Wild West Town's money is stashed, but soon find themselves caught up in a real-life skirmish with actual gunslingers with nefarious intentions of their own!