Stan is upset at the idea of becoming a grandfather after Hayley and Jeff announce they're trying to have a baby. Steve and Klaus join a drug gang after Steve decides to take being an uncle extra seriously.
When Langley Falls plans to build an Arena Football stadium, Stan learns that the construction will require that an old tree be torn down... a tree Stan claims is his father. To save the tree, Stan must face off against Roger, who stands to make a fortune by paving the stadium’s massive parking lot. Meanwhile, when Steve is concerned that, unlike the other boys his age, he isn’t growing, he seeks out the services of an unorthodox specialist.
Steve is desperate to date a girl and determines the best way is to become a varsity athlete. Steve tries out for the water polo team but fails. Klaus agrees to help Steve become better and hides in Steve’s trunks so that he can guide Steve’s swimming. Steve makes the team and with Klaus’s help becomes a water polo superstar. Meanwhile, Stan and Roger buy a boat and attempt to live a boat-guy lifestyle.
Steve and Snot alter their futures when they throw a party for the uncool kids. Meanwhile, Roger is disgruntled when a waitress doesn't compliment his order, and Stan and Francine go on vacation in Bosnia.
Francine is unhappy because she never has the time to do what the wants and the family members are disrespectful about her wants and needs. Francine discovers that Steve is participating in a live action role-playing group, who spends their free time pretending they are space colonists. Francine joins the group and role-plays as a princess. She quickly becomes the leader of the group and clashes with Steve over the future of the colony. Meanwhile, Stan and the rest of the family run a marine park out of the house.
Stan takes the family to church and Steve questions everything. Stan decides to help Steve develop some faith, but the plan backfires when Steve points out logical flaws with faith and religion. Stan spirals into a deep depression where he attempts to find pleasure and meaning in life, but finds none. When Stan almost drowns in a pool he has a vision of God. Stan believes that he is the new Noah and that he must get his family to an ark in order to survive the flood.
Everyone is separated after the ship explodes: Stan and Francine lose their memories and resort to primitive living on an island; Hayley and Jeff are rescued by the Navy and Jeff decides to enlist; and Roger and Steve try to survive on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean.
To celebrate President’s Day, Stan takes Hayley to the James Garfield museum. Hayley is bored and says she couldn’t care less about history. Stan uses material at the museum to clone Garfield so that he can come to life and teach Hayley about American history. Hayley and Garfield become best friends and Hayley shares with him the marvels of the modern world. Meanwhile, Steve becomes the most popular reporter on the school newspaper.
Someone fails to bring a gift to the CIA Christmas party gift swap and Bullock is left without a gift. Bullock is enraged and demands to know who ruined the party but no one confesses. Bullock assigns Stan to the case of tracking the person down, but Stan is in fact the guilty party. Stan enlists Roger to help him lie his way out of the situation. Meanwhile, Steve attempts to win girls over by acting like a true gentleman.
Stan is desperately trying to bond with Steve when he discovers that Steve is good at bowling. They enter and win several father/son bowling tournaments, attracting the attention of a coach who promises to take Steve to the next level. Steve becomes a successful competitive bowler but he and Stan begin to drift apart. Meanwhile, Klaus officiates a contest between Hayley and Roger to see who has the worst attention span.
Stan is afraid that Hayley is drifting aimlessly through life, so he tries to teach her the value of a good plan. Stan takes Hayley on a CIA mission, but the mission backfires when Bullock fails to develop a good plan. Hayley discovers that Bullock is sleep-deprived which is leading him to plan dangerous missions. In order to save Stan, Hayley must teach him how to improvise. Meanwhile, Jeff tries to recreate a musical instrument he saw in a dream.
Roger is forced to sell his beloved attic bar to a restaurant chain after suffering a heart attack, and a sexy new next-door neighbor, promises to take Steve and his friends’ virginity in return for housework.
Roger and Francine discover an alien in the woods, and Roger capriciously has a one-night relationship with her before being fed up with her quirks. He tries to get rid of her by calling the CIA, but then realizes that he can’t go through with it.
Thwarted in their efforts to secure dates for the upcoming high school prom, Steve and Snot turn to the CIA's cloning machine to churn out two willing ladies. But, when the device produces two uber-fast-growing newborn babies, the boys must break out their fathering skills to ready them in time for prom night. Meanwhile, Stan takes home the CIA's cloned pet, Daren the Dodo, with disastrous consequences.
Francine's "Poltergasm" starts to haunt the Smith household when she is unsatisfied by Stan in the sack, and Roger must conjure a medium named Zelda Rubinstein to help eliminate the ghost. Meanwhile, Hayley introduces her new boy-toy, Mauricio to the family.
Steve is eager to prove that he's no longer a little boy, so he sets off to prove his manhood by joining Stan, Bullock, and the rest of the CIA on their annual hunting trip. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus set off on a cross-country road trip.
In a desperate attempt to show Steve that she's still a "cool" mom, Francine teaches him a vast array of shoplifting techniques to try out at the local mall. B when their attempt to pull off the ultimate heist at "The Gash" goes awry, Steve is captured and sent to a Venezuelan sweatshop. Meanwhile, Roger, Hayley and Klaus form Langley Falls' first Russian Balalaika trio.
Stan's plans for a perfect Thanksgiving watching football in his underwear are thwarted when Francine invites her adoptive parents to join them for the holiday. Meanwhile, Francine's mom encourages Hayley to get back on the dating scene and invites an eligible bachelor over, but her true intentions are revealed at Thanksgiving dinner.
Determined to get Snot to confront his emotions after his father passes away, Steve and friends embark on an epic cross-country road trip to the funeral. But Steve's commitment to his friend wavers when he falls for a Pixie Dream Girl along the way. Meanwhile, Stan and Roger invent an automatic cake-cutter for the Home Shopping Network, but their partnership is tested when they only make a "verbal agreement" to split the profits.
In this "Breaking Bad" parody, Hayley tries to fit in with a popular group of her former high school friends and, in the process, discovers Steve has an amazing ability to create incredibly realistic fake IDs. Sensing a business opportunity, Hayley builds out Steve's operation, but they don't count on having to deal with the other kingpin of the Langley Falls fake ID game: Kevin Ramage.
When Steve starts acting like a spoiled brat during the holidays, Stan takes him to see his incarcerated Grandpa Jack, who tells him the story of how he caught Minstrel Krampus (guest voice Glover), a legendary demon who punishes naughty children on Christmas. Stan decides that releasing Krampus is the only way to straighten out Steve's attitude. But when Krampus kidnaps Steve, it's up to Stan and Roger to get him back. Meanwhile, Hayley gets a job at the airport, but quickly realizes that she might not be cut out for customer service.
Roger suffers a horrific car crash as he tries to take a picture of his crotch on a traffic speed cam, and when he wakes up from his coma, he starts to have Dead Zone-esque visions of the future, saving the Smiths from a terrible fire. But, Roger's abuse of his newfound powers soon draws the ire of his fellow family members and the Smith's must learn to cope with the uncertainty of the future.
Francine is eager to re-live the Smith kids' childhood theme park adventures on a family visit to "Familyland." But, when the nefarious and cryogenically-frozen founder of the theme park, Roy Family, is mistakenly thawed, the Smiths find themselves prisoners of the medieval-themed park.
Stan mixes up his nighttime routine after his 100th kill, but mistakenly unleashes a "good" Stan in his sleep -- Jekyll & Hyde-style -- who's hell-bent on pursuing all the good deeds that real Stan would never consider, and stopping him from ever killing again.
Roger forges a radical plan to help Steve date the hot girl at school. Roger will switch faces with Steve "Face/Off"-style, seduce her, then tag Steve back in after she's fallen for him. But, Roger soon decides he may actually want to keep her for himself. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine become "Charlie's Angels"-type airline stewardesses to thwart an evil plan by Mark Cuban (guest-voicing as himself) to blow up the sun.
Stan is frustrated that Steve and his friends never play outside, but Francine refuses to let Stan take the kids to the woods for some outdoor fun. Of course, Stan finds a loophole, by drugging the kids and putting them on the CIA's holodeck, which, naturally, goes awry. Meanwhile, Hayley buys Roger's home star on the International Star Registry and claims she's now his queen.
Stan attempts to infiltrate the "Occupy" movement, based on CIA intelligence that a leftist cell is planning a terrorist attack. But when he's captured and returned home by a group of radicals, Hayley suspects her father may have been "turned."
Stan fears that Hayley has no life skills, so he forces her to take a job as a bartender in Roger’s attic haunt. However, when Bullock (guest voice Patrick Stewart) becomes Hayley’s best customer, Stan realizes that he can use his daughter’s knowledge to get ahead at work.
Stan's co-workers at the CIA teach him about "rubbernecking," the art of checking out other women on the sly, away from the gaze of their wives. But when Stan causes a massive accident in an attempt to take a picture of an attractive jogger, he's interviewed by an intimidating insurance inspector who may rat out Stan to Francine. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus spill wine on the Smiths' brand new couch, and vow never to tell the other family members by sitting on the stained spot for the rest of their lives.
Stan is fired from the CIA in a round of budget cuts, but since his 20 years of work experience are classified and hidden from his "permanent record", the only job he's able to land is at the local grocery store where Steve is the manager. Meanwhile, Roger bets an annoying coffee shop musician that he can outplay him in one week. To accomplish his goal, he enters into a Faustian bargain with Lorenzo, a guitar-instructing infomercial host.
A year after Jeff's abduction, Hayley is still heartbroken, until she meets Millionaire Matt Davis, who may be able to help her move forward. Things are going great, until Steve and Snot catch a signal on a CB radio -- Jeff's alive in space and trying to make it back to Hayley.
Roger (Seth MacFarlane) opens a crooner's bar in the Smith family's attic and recruits Hayley (Rachael MacFarlane) as his main entertainer. Soon, all of Langley Falls becomes enthralled by her singing voice - including Roger, who takes his crush on Hayley a bit too far. Meanwhile, Stan tries to prove his manhood by negotiating a good deal on a new car.
The Smith family's tropical vacation turns out to be anything but relaxing when Stan is assigned a mission to kill the activities director at their resort, whom his boss at the CIA insists is an ex-war criminal. Meanwhile, Hayley (Rachael MacFarlane) and Jeff (Jeff Fischer) try to rekindle their fading romance, while Roger, as his latest persona, Abigail Lemonparty, falls for an older gentleman.
Francine fears that she and Stan (Seth MacFarlane) are growing apart because he spends so much time hanging out with his buddies at the CIA Chill House. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends are recruited to join a boy band and make a music video.
Stan (Seth MacFarlane) invites his mother (guest voice Swoosie Kurtz) to come live with the family after Stan's stepfather dies, and tensions rise when Roger (Seth MacFarlane) is forced to share his attic with her. But Roger and Stan's mom quickly fall in love and get married, and Stan is forced to deal with Roger as his new stepdad. Meanwhile, Steve (Scott Grimes) and his friends discover a mysterious plane crash while on a bike ride and come across a long-lost script of a Fast and Furious movie that they are determined to get made.
Stan decides that Snot isn't cool enough to be Steve's best friend. So he attempts to separate them by staging a shooting at an ice cream parlor, of which Snot is the only witness and is then placed in the CIA Witness Protection program. Meanwhile, Roger hires Jeff to clean his attic for extra cash, but keeps robbing him every time he goes back downstairs.
The Smith family's regular babysitter, Lindsay (guest voice Alison Brie), breaks her leg in a soccer match. So Stan and Francine are forced to leave Steve with Hayley, despite her track record of being extremely irresponsible. When Hayley teases Steve about being a goody-two-shoes, Steve is determined to prove her wrong and sneaks out of the house to go to a party with the cool kids.
A Langley Falls talk show outs Francine as Baby Franny, the toddler who was once rescued from a well by a heroic fireman (guest voice Wil Forte). Then, on the anniversary of her rescue, she falls down the well again and makes a shocking discovery. Meanwhile, Stan and Roger have an entrepreneurial eureka! moment when they think of the world's next game-changing business opportunity male stripper shoes.
Francine encourages the family to give up their various vices, but they all get drunk at Roger's Mardi Gras party and enter into a harrowing pact with Bullock; he's allowed to cut off the finger of the first person who cheats. Meanwhile, a pastie is left in the attic, Cinderella-style, and Roger sets out to find the perfect bosom on which to place it.
Francine tries to teach Roger the value of hard work after his character Twill Ongenbone fakes a degree in archaeology, but she quickly regrets her decision. Meanwhile, Steve asks Stan questions about Stan's past for a school project, but is shocked by what he hears.
In a tribute to and send-up of the Pulitzer Prize-winning play, August: Osage County, a dark secret is revealed about the Smith family's past when Francine invites Stan's incarcerated dad, Jack, to Stan's birthday party. Also in this spoof, Roger plays Edna, a maid who nurses Bullock and Hayley's love child. But when Edna falls in love with Bullock, it could mean dire consequences for the kid.
Roger (Seth MacFarlane) announces that Max Jets, a character of Roger's who enjoys showering the Smith family with money, is soon getting out of prison. But a wrench is thrown in the system when Max falls in love with Gina (Michelle Monaghan), a gold-digging waitress who threatens the family's inheritance.
Roger pretends to be Jeffês imaginary friend, so he can freely roam naked around the house with no disguise. But when big-mouth Jeff figures out that Roger is an alien, Stan issues an ultimatum: either Roger or Jeff must be killed immediately. Meanwhile, Steve becomes insecure about the shape of his rear end.
In Part 2 of "The Tearjerker Saga," a "James Bond" parody, Stan and his wife, Sexpun Tocomes honeymoon is brutally interrupted when Black Villain (guest voice Kevin Michael Richardson) fatally shoots Sexpun. Determined to get his revenge, Stan teams up with former nemesis The Tearjerker to track down Black Villain and put a stop to his evil plan to melt the arctic glaciers.
Francine discovers Steve's special talent that will help him get into a great school: spelling. But when she fears that Steve is being distracted by Hiko's sister, Akiko, she takes drastic measures to ensure victory at the Pearl Bailey High School Spelling Bee. Meanwhile, Stan and Roger want Hayley to line-judge their badminton game, but she's still devastated over Jeff, so they decide to push her through the five stages of grief as quickly as possible.
Francine develops an interest in spanking. Then, Hayley tries to get back into the dating scene with disastrous results, and reluctantly submits to Snot's (Curtis Armstrong) advance, agreeing to a dinner date.
Francine tries to mold Stan into her ideal husband when he gets amnesia after falling off an arcade game during a CIA operation to capture the "real" Osama bin Laden (who, apparently, has been managing a "Dave and Buster's" restaurant in Florida). Meanwhile, Roger lets Steve join his paper route to earn some extra money, but Steve is drawn into the corrupt side of the business.
Stan is shocked when Agent Crisp (guest voice Sir Ben Kingsley) from CIA Internal Affairs tells him that Deputy Director Bullock (guest voice Patrick Stewart) is showing early signs of dementia and must have his memory erased. Meanwhile, Steve runs into a bully at school, so Roger hires an old friend - alter ego Stelio Kontos - to take care of the problem.
In the special 150th episode, the series travels to the slave spaceship that abducted Jeff (Jeff Fischer) -- with Roger's (Seth MacFarlane) help after Jeff discovered his secret (hint: Roger is an alien). To find his way home, Jeff must first prove to the evil Emperor Zing (guest voice Michael McKean) that he was always in love with Hayley (Rachael MacFarlane).
Klaus discovers his original human body, but Stan refuses to help him switch back. So, Klaus steals Stan's body and Stan becomes the fish. Meanwhile, Roger turns the attic into a gym, and tries to pressure Steve into a long-term membership.
Stan is stressed by family life so he decides to buy a hot tub for the backyard, but he becomes obsessed and when the hot tub (guest voice Cee-Lo Green) starts singing and encourages some bad behavior they are all in trouble.
Roger becomes Steve's legal guardian, but gets a little too overzealous in the parenting department and gets Steve's BFF Principal Brian Lewis (guest voice Kevin Michael Richardson) fired. After getting beat up by the other teachers at the school, Steve decides to run away. Meanwhile Stan and Francine attempt to make waves after discovering that their vacation to the biggest water park in the world fails to get their hearts pumping.
When Stan realizes that he might never fulfill his dream of becoming a Best Man, he convinces his last single friend, Principal Lewis, to marry the school's Superintendent (guest voice Anjelica Huston) and to choose him as his Best Man. Stan invites Lewis' old friend from prison to the wedding, only to discover a secret that could prevent the wedding from happening at all. Meanwhile, Roger finds the perfect pair of shorts, and an encounter with Ricky Martin (guest-voicing as himself) makes him question his self-confidence.
After realizing that he has missed every milestone in Steve's life, Stan makes a desperate attempt to bond with his son by creating a busty blonde bombshell alias, Phyllis (guest voice Sarah Michelle Gellar), whom he sends Steve's way. When Stan oversteps his boundaries, Francine intervenes to keep Steve's virginity out of "blonde's" way. Meanwhile, Roger starts his own limo service, and when a group of guys "drive and dash," he goes on a manhunt to get his revenge.
When Stan runs into his former crush from CIA boot camp, his affection for her resurfaces, which drives Francine into a jealous frenzy. By including Roger in her plan for revenge, Francine accidentally leads him straight into the arms of a dangerous alien hunter. Meanwhile, Steve is struck with good luck, when he accidentally wears Hayley's panties to school.
Father Donovan (guest voice Martin Mull) holds a Christmas play at the mall and casts Stan as Santa Claus and Roger as Jesus. But after the two get in a fight and cause a scene, Stan is kicked out of the church. Meanwhile, Hayley and Jeff (guest voice Jeff Fischer) adopt a child who turns out to be possessed.
When Steve tries to prove his himself as a macho man to Stan, he follows in Roger's footsteps and tries to change himself from the outside in with a superhero persona. Meanwhile, Francine is going through an identity crisis of her own when she receives surprising news that could change the family forever.
When Stan finally has enough money to afford a membership at the golf club he has worked at for the past thirty summers, his hard work and perseverance prove to be futile when the club gives membership to Steve first. However, things are not all what they seem when Stan realizes who the club owner really is.
Stan joins Roger and Steve's fictional detective agency, but he ruins the fun by being extremely incompetent at his "job." Roger demands that Steve fire Stan, but Steve cannot bring himself to do it and ends up lying to Roger. Things take a turn for the worse when Stan is kidnapped, and Steve must tell Roger the truth.
When Stan is overly enthusiastic about his hatred for old people, a hex is placed on him that turns him into a frail, old man. Meanwhile, Roger takes Francine on a road trip to a dance competition, but she soon finds out it's not what she bargained for.
When Barry (guest voice Thomas) threatens Stan's old high school wrestling record, Stan enlists Roger in school to beat Barry and defend his small claim to fame. However, Stan is caught off-guard when Roger, not Barry, is actually the threat to Stan's record.
Roger acts as the Smith family therapist under his "Dr. Penguin" alter-ego, but his services are put on hold when he is sent to Iraq to fight in the war. Klaus seizes his opportunity to be the go-to counselor of the household, but ends up causing a major ruckus.
Despite Stan's objections, Francine buys Steve the dog he's always wanted. However, when the dog suffers a horrific accident, Stan refuses to take the pup off life support because of a traumatic childhood incident.
After losing patience with Hayley and Jeff for their freeloading ways, Stan bets the young couple that he and Francine can live on minimum wage for a month. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger embark on a mission to test drive the car of their dreams.
Stan discovers that Francine was unfaithful one night before she and Stan married. With the possibility that Hayley may not be his biological daughter, he travels back in time to find out who the mystery dad might be. But when he inadvertently disrupts the events of the past, he must do everything to avoid changing the future.
Roger rediscovers his alter-ego "Ricky Spanish," an infamous character who remains the most despised man in town. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine are in for a surprise when their sponsored child from Africa shows up on their doorstep.
When Stan catches Steve playing imaginary games with his toys, he decides to take his son down to Mexico to help him become a man. But the trip takes a turn for the worse when Stan and Steve are kidnapped by a drug cartel, and it's up to Steve to break himself and Stan out of captivity.
Stan and Francine have had the scariest haunted house on the block for eight years running, but when one of their neighbors provides some stiff competition, Stan ups the ante with a "killer" set-up. Meanwhile, Steve falls head over heels for his overprotective friend's younger sister and competes to win her heart in a Halloween showdown.
Stan is ecstatic when Roger offers to help him live out his lifelong dream of opening a restaurant to rival his favorite childhood haunt -- until their different visions for what the eatery should be cause havoc. Meanwhile, Steve meets Ashley (guest voice Hayden Panettiere), the new girl in school who invites him over while her parents are out of town.
After an argument between Stan and Francine breaks out, Stan suggests they go see a counselor (guest voice Jason Alexander), who hypnotizes Francine and reawakens her lifelong dream of being a comedian. Meanwhile, back in Langley Falls, Steve brings home a potential love interest for Klaus.
It's Thanksgiving in Langley Falls, and as usual, Stan invites his half-brother, Rusty (guest voice Lou Diamond Phillips), over to show off his cornucopia of wealth and good fortune. But when Stan finds out that Rusty is far wealthier than he led on, Stan tries to take from Rusty what he feels is rightfully his. Things don't go well, and the Smith family nearly loses it all.
If there's one thing that Stan Smith loves, it's a good jury trial. He anxiously awaits his annual jury summons. But when Roger is the defendant in the trial where Stan is the foreman, he is finally in a position to make Roger accountable for his misdeeds. Meanwhile, Jeff and Hayley move in with the Smiths, and Francine tries to get Jeff to clean up his act.
Stan gives Steve a gun for Christmas, even though Francine warns him that Steve is too young. As usual, Stan ignores her, and when Steve accidentally shoots Santa, he sends the North Pole into a tizzy and jeopardizes Christmas.
After Roger releases lethal gas into the Smith residence, the family moves into a hotel while the fumes clear. With no housework to do, Francine finds herself with a lot of free time on her hands. After befriending the hotel concierge (guest voice Hector Elizondo), she soon finds herself working in the construction business, but realizes that perhaps she is better suited for family life.
When Stan and Francine meet a young couple, Tom (guest voice Anthony Michael Hall) and Cami (guest voice Sarah Chalke), their predictable lives get a shot of adrenaline as they do their best to keep up with the younger couple's crazy and adventurous lifestyle. But it isn't long before Stan and Francine struggle to keep up and come up with a plan to slow Tom and Cami down permanently.
With a flair for the dramatic, Roger invites Stan to attend one of his acting classes. However, tempers flare when they both audition for the same role, leaving them to duke it out for top dog. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get into a pillow fight when they try to plan the greatest slumber party ever.
When Stan and Roger disagree over a recent string of events, Roger moves out of the house in protest but is quickly replaced by another warm body. After Roger learns of the replacement roomie, the two of them battle for Stan's affection. Meanwhile, Steve gets a new job at school that allows him to do a little self-promotion over the P.A. system.
When Steve challenges Stan for family dominance, Stan does everything he can to prove to Steve that he is the alpha male of the Smith house. Meanwhile, Hayley and Jeff seek marriage counseling when the honeymoon phase wears off.
In an attempt to advance in the CIA, Stan begins playing golf with Senator Buckingham (guest voice Burt Reynolds). Things are going well until Roger accidentally sells the senator's daughter to a drug lord, forcing Stan to choose between family and his career.
When Steve has trouble crossing over into the "cool kids" social circle, Klaus and Roger place their bets to see how quickly Roger can make him cool. Everything they try backfires until Steve becomes the in-crowds designated driver. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine take turns pranking each other.
After Snot professes his love for Hayley and gets shot down, Steve and Roger devise a plan to cheer him up. Roger dresses up as Steve's cousin from New Jersey, Jenny Fromdabloc, and Snot falls hard for her. Meanwhile, Stan wants to live like a gentleman of the 1960s, complete with dark suits and dry martinis.
Stan spends some quality father-son time with Steve at the local zoo, but things go horribly wrong when Steve slips into a gorilla exhibit. Meanwhile, Roger bets Hayley that he can become a great Country singer and sets out to write the most heartbreaking song of all time.
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.
Stan has to convince the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty in order to get a promotion at work. When Stan meets the general and accidentally kills him, he gets Roger to pose as the leader of the small island nation. However, Roger takes his persona too far and Stan has to rescue him from an impending revolution. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot become competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.
Steve is left home alone when the family takes a trip to look at a potential college for Hayley. When his friends arrive and realize he has the run of the house, they persuade Steve to break the rules. They're soon in over their heads when they discover that what they thought was a video game is actually a military controlled drone. As they attempt to cover their tracks, Roger has a meltdown that keeps the family from making their trip. Stan returns to find that Steve has betrayed his trust and thrust them into a high-level security situation.
When Hayley and Steve leave for their respective summers of fun, Francine looks forward to her newfound alone time with Stan. There's only one problem: Roger is still living in the attic fighting for every second of attention he can get. When Francine teaches Roger to be self-sufficient, he finally gets a place of his own. Stan fears that he will bore Francine into leaving him and cooks up a scheme to bring Roger back to the house and liven things up. Meanwhile at camp, Steve and his pals fall prey to a scheme that doesn't quite have the effect they were hoping for.
Stan nearly ruins Steve's birthday party by demanding that Steve act his own age, but Francine saves the day by getting the moonbounce Steve has always wanted. When Stan reluctantly joins in the fun, he comes to realize he never had the chance to be a kid. When Stan has a run-in with local law enforcement, the father-son roles are reversed, forcing Steve to become the man of the house. Meanwhile, Klaus tries to re-capture the feeling of having a human body by getting a haircut.
Stan and Francine are set to renew their wedding vows until Stan reveals he only married Francine for her looks. Furious with Stan, Francine "lets herself go" to see if Stan actually loves the woman he's been married to for 20 years. Meanwhile, Steve and Hayley search for the perfect wedding gift.
When Hayley goes to a My Morning Jacket concert against Stan's wishes, he crashes the show to bring her back home, but when he hears their music for the first time, it calls to him and he's smitten. Stan becomes obsessed with the band and decides to follow them on the road as a groupie.
Upset that Hayley no longer wants his advice, Stan decides to prove that she is missing out on his sage counseling. After meeting a stripper on an important CIA mission, Stan takes it upon himself to improve her life and show Hayley that his advice works. But when he opens a new business, hoping to prove Hayley wrong, he finds himself dancing for cash to cover up his failures.
When the Smith family goes to church on Christmas Day, Stan is furious when he can't get a good seat. While Francine tries to ease his frustration, a moment of divine intervention occurs. Upset that he has been left on earth with Francine during the ultimate fight between good and evil, Stan ditches his wife to get into the pearly gates of heaven, but when Francine is kidnapped, Stan fights to get her back.
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
Stan gives Francine "love coupons" for Valentine's Day, but refuses to honor them once he becomes preoccupied with his very own CIA cyborg. Meanwhile, Roger helps Steve and his friends remake a classic '80s movie.
When Stan admits that his heroes include Ronald Reagan and the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, including Michael Eruzione and Rob McClanahan (guest-voicing as themselves), Roger confesses that he played on the team as Chex LeMeneux. But when Roger comes clean that he took steroids to win, they both lose. Meanwhile, Reginald tries to win over Hayley by taking her to a concert.
After Roger and Francine are victims of a mugging, Roger joins the police academy so he can learn how to defend himself and his loved ones, but he falls in with a corrupt cop (guest voice Bobby Cannavale) who leads him astray. Meanwhile, Hayley's new friendship threatens her long-term relationship.
When Roger and Francine go wine-tasting, Roger plants a big kiss on Francine in a drunken moment. Francine decides to tell Stan about this incident, but when they sit down to talk, Roger convinces Stan that Francine started it all.
Roger announces that he is putting a portfolio together so he can study crime scene photography. Meanwhile, Stan follows Steve around for the day and discovers that Steve shies away from obstacles, so he decides to bully Steve so that he will toughen up. But Francine does not approve of Stan's approach and decides to help Steve stand up to Stan.
In preparation for a neighborhood pool party, Stan tells his family to get in tip-top shape. But when an accident ruins the Smith family name, a humiliated Stan fakes his family's deaths and moves everyone out of Langley Falls to escape his shame.
It's Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but when he ends up devastated by the jokes, he vows to pull his life together. Things take a turn for the worse when Roger takes it one step too far, causing the Smith family to go on the run.
The Smith family gets ready to celebrate Roger's big 1-6-double-0 but are sidetracked by Steve's horrifying announcement that he's going through puberty! With the wounds still fresh from Hayley going through "the change" in their minds, Stan and Francine use experimental medicine to try and bypass the growing pains of having another teenager with raging hormones. Meanwhile, Roger gets the shaft from the family and tries to make his own birthday fun.
When Roger discovers that someone has maxed out his credit card, he is certain it is identify theft and is determined to bring down the crook. After playing Matlock for a few days and dishing out some street justice, he realizes things are not quite right and seem all too familiar. Meanwhile, the rest of the Smith family gets sucked into a mean game of Simon.
When Stan becomes his boss' go-to guy, he feels like he can't say no to anything including outrageous personal requests. But when Francine gets roped into the annoying ordeal and her romantic Valentine's Day get-away is ruined, she lays down the law and forces Stan to say "NO".
Stan becomes jealous when he finds out Francine was once engaged to a pilot whose plane crashed. Little does she know that her lost love is still alive, but Stan and Roger track him down. Francine is forced to decide between the two men.
When Steve finds out he has scoliosis and has to wear a back brace, he becomes the laughingstock of the school, but feels better when Stan admits to wearing a toupee since he was Steve's age. Meanwhile, Roger takes Francine to a weeklong spa retreat for two, but they run into problems when they try to sneak in an unpaid guest.
Stan is exhausted every night and doesn't have any time for himself. When his co-worker Dick (voiced by Koechner) gives him pills that allow him to stay up all night, but feel like he slept a full eight hours -- Stan is ecstatic! The pills give Stan an extra dose of energy, but he ultimately discovers that instead of spending his newfound time on hobbies, he'd rather spend more time with his wife.
When the Smiths try to plan a family game night, Roger is full of excuses about prior commitments. However, when he is caught in a lie, the Smiths feel stabbed in the back when they realize Roger has been cheating on them with other families. Stan, Francine, Hayley and Steve go on the offensive to teach Roger a lesson about monogamy until Roger has a breakthrough about why he isn't a one family kind-of-guy.
When Langley Falls implements a ban on trans fats, Stan finds himself legally separated from his favorite foods. He sets a poor example for the rest of the family when he blatantly disregards the law by crossing county lines and using Steve as a trans-fatty food mule to satisfy his own gluttonous desires.
When Stan forgets to pick up grenadine at the grocery store, Roger goes ballistic and vows to get him back by taking over a project close to his heart -- the Homeowner's Association. So when Roy Rogers McFreely is appointed chairman of the association and starts to abuse his power, Stan, Hayley and Steve lead the opposition to preserve the small town's "American" values and take the community back from "the man."
Steve signs Stan up for a father-son bike tournament, but the plan veers off-track when Stan admits that his father never taught him how to ride a bike. Determined to make things better, Steve helps reconcile Stan with his convict father. Meanwhile, Hayley needs internship credit for school, so Roger hires her to bartend at his makeshift bar in the attic.
Steve and the gang sabotage a stuck-up kid's bar mitzvah after he hits on Steve's girlfriend, Debbie. But when Snot gets wrongly accused of stealing the kids bar mitzvah money, he must answer to the Rabbi and his own celebration is in jeopardy. Meanwhile, Stan and Francine pitch a cell phone idea to Verizon, but the plan gets fuzzy when they can't deliver the goods.
When Stan gets kidnapped in Colombia, Francine fears he's gone for good. Stan finally reappears unharmed, but the real trouble erupts in the Smith household when he admits that he has a plan to marry his dentist if Francine dies before him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger play detective duo "Wheels and the Legman."
Stan is excited about finally building his dream car: a DeLorean. Francine encourages him to include Steve, so the two take a road trip in search of doors for the sports car. The trip veers off-track when there is a mad dash across the country to get the last set of doors available.
Steve joins a junior football team to make Stan proud. However, when a hyper-competitive Stan assumes the position of head coach, Steve gets kicked off the team for not being good enough. Out for revenge, Steve and Roger recruit a new team of misfits who threaten Stan's perfect season. Meanwhile, Francine and Hayley compete for a blue ribbon at the Langley County Fair.
Roger has been behaving like a selfish brat for years, and Stan has had enough! When he calls Roger out, he declares that he has in fact been sent to earth as "the decider" to determine the fate of man kind. Stupefied by his outlandish statement, Stan challenges Roger to prove it and when they discover the truth about his real purpose for being on Earth, Roger is crushed and Stan is tickled pink to have finally won one. Roger struggles to get a grip on reality until a fateful crate of hotdogs takes center stage at Steve's hot-dog eating contest and Roger gets to decide who lives and who dies.
Neighbors Terry and Greg are nervous when Terry's father, football great Tank Bates, announces that he will be coming to town for a visit. Terry is worried because his dad doesn't know he's gay, has a baby or lives with his partner. Meanwhile, Steve goes on a drunken bender and learns the meaning of "beer goggles".
Stan leaves Francine at home to go out with the boys, but guys' night out goes from wild to reckless when Stan finds himself in one compromising situation after another. Meanwhile, Roger and Hayley use their charm and looks to attract a frat boy.
When Francine discovers that all their family vacations have been artificial memories created by CIA so that Stan could ditch the family, she is fuming and demands a real vacation. However, when the vacation seems too good to be true, Francine is convinced it is also the work of the CIA and causes the family has to suffer the consequences. Meanwhile, Roger makes a desperate effort to be the greatest actor who ever lived.
In order to be taken more seriously and to be a "somebody," Stan becomes a meter maid who seems to have all of the power. Now he's getting the best tables at restaurants (threatening to ticket and tow), pocketing quarters from meters and impressing Francine with his prowess. But, when Turlington (Whitaker) from Parking Internal Affairs pays him a visit, Stan realizes crime and this lifestyle don't pay. Meanwhile, Haley poses nude for a college art class and is surprised to see Roger there.
Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but Brett turns out to be an atheist. So, Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard until his plan backfires. Meanwhile, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to "Hogwarts".
When Francine's adopted parents stop by for an unannounced stay, Stan is furious that they refuse to assimilate to his "man of the house" ways. After he unsuccessfully tries to give them the boot, he is convinced that finding Francine's birth parents will change things. Meanwhile, Steve tries to live to the extreme in order to get to second base with the class hottie.
When Hayley decides to move to France because of imperialistic oppression, Stan will do anything to stop her including revealing the fact that she was brainwashed as a child by the CIA. Feeling desperate, Stan activates her trigger word and gains control over Hayley against the advice of his boss, Bullock (Stewart). Everything is going fine until Stan remembers that if he doesn't change Hayley back to normal, there will be deadly consequences for him. Meanwhile, Steve and Roger become private Dick Tracys.
At a poker game with the guys, Stan reveals that he has never actually killed anyone. It seems that every kill in Stan's history with the CIA has been the result of fortunate timing. Roger and the guys become determined to get Stan his first kill.
When Francine decides to be a surrogate for her gay neighbors Terry and Greg, Stan's Republican blood boils. Although he pretends to be happy, when the baby is born, Stan kidnaps her and heads to the Nebraska boarder, where gay couples have no rights. Meanwhile Steve and Roger pull a Howard Hughes and become reclusive after they think Klaus is out to get them.
After Stan comes home from another dangerous mission, he finds that his family has decked the halls with boughs of holly and donned themselves with gay apparel, but just not to his satisfaction. He demands a grander Christmas starting with the search of a bigger and better tree in the forest. When his family has had enough, Stan powers on by himself, finds the perfect tree and meets an untimely end. While in Limbo, he has to fight for a second chance at life and battle the forces of good and evil to save his family.
Francine comes up with an elaborate plan to reunite Stan and Roger after a big fight. She fakes Roger's kidnapping in the hopes of showing Roger that Stan still cares about him, but when Stan never shows up to pay the ransom, it forces Roger to rethink the way he treats people. After all it wouldn't kill him to be nice to people...or would it?
Stan and the family are characters in a Bond-style spoof when Stan must stop Tearjerker (a.k.a. Roger), a diabolical film producer, who produces movies that can kill. Tearjerker's fiendish plot involves abducting celebrities from his spa and replacing them with celebrity robots that make horrible movies, all in an effort to make his masterpiece "Oscar's Gold" the best and saddest movie ever, causing millions of moviegoers to cry themselves to death.
When Stan's mom gets dumped for the umpteenth time by a boyfriend, she comes running to Stan for support. Feeling threatened by her always-visiting mother-in-law, Francine is determined to cut Stan's umbilical cord and figure out what keeps going wrong with the men in her life. Like a regular Cagney & Lacey, Francine and Roger go undercover to solve the case. Meanwhile, Klaus gives Steve the ick.
Francine pushes Stan to open up to her emotionally, but she gets more than she bargained for when he tells her that he killed her best friend Julie's husband. Meanwhile, Roger plays psychiatrist to help them work through their issues.
Stan goes in search of a former KGB agent, Sergei, but he's shocked to find the man is his new next door neighbor. When Sergei starts helping Steve build a rocket for class, Stan realizes the boy has turned into a communist. Meanwhile, Roger and Klaus head to France for a little R&R but their trip takes a turn for the worse when Klaus gets busted for smuggling drugs back into the U.S.
Roger begins to release photos of himself to the local media for extra cash, prompting the CIA to initiate an Alien Task Force. Through a twist of fate, Roger ends up in charge of the task force in disguise, creating tension at home as he is now Stan's boss. Meanwhile Francine comes to grips with being left-handed and Roger frames Stan as an alien in attempt to keep his identity a secret.
Officially declared dead after an accident with a pudding truck, Stan comes back to life and realizes his sweet dream of leaving a legacy on the world. After digging through his past, Stan begins to excavate his home in search of Ollie North's 'Contra'-band buried treasure. As the search for gold goes 'North,' life at home begins to head south as Hayley turns to body piercing, Steve creates a robotic girlfriend and Roger files for sexual harassment. Will Stan's gold lust propel him to fame or will he forgo it to save and treasure his family?
The Smith's marriage is fizzling, leaving Stan feeling unappreciated as Francine visits her parents over spring break. Yet the family is unaware of Roger's own plans to become the 'King of Spring Break,' as he invites college coeds to come party at their revamped home. While Steve tries to lose his virginity to the luscious Carmen Selectra, Stan's tastes lead him to Jessica, his new Spring Break buddy. Stan must now decide whether the booze cruise with Jessica is better than married life.
Stan's determined to send a reluctant Steve to summer camp. The only one he finds is in Africa, and it's a refugee camp. Back in Langley Falls, Francine and Roger pretend to be a married couple at events around town, but they can't agree on their backstory.
When Steve announces that he finally has a girlfriend, Stan could not be a prouder father. But when Stan realizes that she is not the petite cheerleader he was expecting, his obsession with physical appearance spirals out of control and he develops anorexia. Steve comes to recognize that his overweight girlfriend is the root of his father's problems and he has to make a hard choice in an effort to save his father's life.
Stan, the CIA's best interrogator, loses his confidence and his job when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. To get even, Stan comes up with an elaborate scam that temporarily costs his family their integrity. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.
After Francine tells Stan she's looking for excitement in their marriage, Stan gets in the driver's seat and becomes involved in drag racing to spice things up. Meanwhile, Hayley breaks up with her boyfriend, Jeff, who is emotionally crushed until he joins Steve's world of online gaming. When Hayley finds out, she tries to sabotage their fun.