The Procession to Calvary

56 reviews
Editors' Choice
Content rating
Mature 17+
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About this game

Pilfer from pirates, conspire with cardinals and perform miracles with an incompetent magician. The Procession to Calvary is a Pythonesque adventure game made from Renaissance paintings, and a spiritual successor to the critically acclaimed Four Last Things.

Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered! But it's not all good news; the tyrant Heavenly Peter has escaped your clutches, and you have been tasked with the mission of finding him...

Your journey will take you through a richly detailed landscape built from hundreds of different Renaissance paintings. You will steal a ship, feed a donkey, compete in a talent contest, assist an inept street magician, sing, dance, play the (magic?) flute, poke a man's face, hunt for treasure and have a chat with Our Lord God Almighty... But will you find Heavenly Peter? And if you do, how will you take your revenge!?


Pointing and Clicking – A traditional point and click interface, with a 'verb coin' interaction menu and a simple inventory from which you can drag and drop your preciously hoarded items.

Renaissance Artwork – Paintings by Rembrandt, Botticelli, Michelangelo and many more are brought together into one consistent world, in a way that is also as sympathetic as possible to the original works.

Classical Music – a soundtrack selected to fit with the style of the artwork. Music from classical composers such as Vivaldi, Bach and George Frideric Handel will accompany you on your journey.

Standalone Story - The Procession to Calvary is set in the same world as Four Last Things, but it's story can be played independently.

Optional Murder – You will be equipped with a sword. This will become useful in a number of different situation, but you will be strongly discouraged from using it on people. Ignoring this advice - and murdering anyone who stands in your way – will serve as a useful method of skipping any puzzles you don't like. But be warned; your actions might come back to haunt you...

Nonsense – Surreal, anarchic comedy. Lofty subject matter is treated with refreshing flippancy. Gags about butts are taken very seriously. But rest assured, while some of the jokes may be ridiculous, the puzzles make perfect sense! (or at least adhere to a consistent internal logic)

Moments of Surprising Profundity – Actually, no... Don't read too much into it.
Updated on
Dec 10, 2020

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Ratings and reviews

45 reviews
Stuart Wilson
January 10, 2021
The environment and humour are excellent. The idea is also every clever, and the interactions are witty and entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed the game, and only have a couple of criticisms. The game is a bit short, for the price. Also, the routes out of certain scenes are not always very obvious and a couple of times I thought I was stuck until I happened to randomly tap somewhere that made the game continue. Otherwise, a fantastic game that I really enjoyed.
31 people found this review helpful
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karl norman
December 23, 2020
Great good ole fashion point and click game, not like the endless escape games that call their selves point and click. Very funny too. Only thing I can think of to do better would be a way to automatically go between areas without having to constantly walk back and forth.
33 people found this review helpful
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Amber Kipp
July 20, 2023
I agree with other reviews saying it's too short the price but I didn't subtract any stars bc this game was hilariously written and the usage of medieval art for the graphics was an awesome idea. I really enjoyed this game.
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