This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

Matthew Fray

Mar 2022 · HarperAudio · Narrated by Rob Shapiro

About this audiobook

A thoughtful, down-to-earth, contemporary guide to help partners identify and address relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives.

Good people can be bad at relationships.

 One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband. 

 As he shared raw, uncomfortable, and darkly humorous first-person stories about the lessons he’d learned from his failed marriage, a peculiar thing happened. Matthew started to gain a following. In January 2016 a post he wrote—“She Divorced Me Because I left the Dishes by the Sink”—went viral and was read over four million times.

Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust.

With the humorous, entertaining, and counterintuitive approach of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and the practical insights of The 5 Love Languages, This is How Your Marriage Ends helps readers identify relationship-killing behavior patterns in their own lives, and offers solutions to break free from the cycles of dysfunction and destruction. It is must-read for every partner no matter what stage–beginning, middle, or even end—of your relationship.

Ratings and reviews

A book that's raw, in your face, and powerful. Why not confront yourself entirely with the truth of the ways you have hurt or continue to hurt others? When we confront ourselves, and think with empathy about how our actions probably hurt others, including our spouse and children, we can then move toward healing and forgiveness, and possibly save those relationships. We owe it to the ones we love to truly pursue them by facing ourselves, and making the change for the better. Do the work. Everyone will be better for it.

there are many great relationship books out there, but this one is hands down the best, written in a way that anyone can truly understand.. it touches on all aspects of a healthy relationship and how to create it with the steps on how to destroy a good relationship at your own peril.. all couples should read it, I will share it with all my friends and family. it's so simple if you stop, breath, listen and hear with love

The author does a fantastic job identifying the attitudes and actions that lead to failed relationships and ultimately failed marriages. He does provide great practical action steps that can dramatically alter relationships towards a positive outcome. I do think he misses God's role in ultimately leading us through healthy love relationships. The ability to have healthy love relationships starts first with receiving God's love through the death and resurrection of Jesus. The next step is to pursue God and seek His wisdom and understanding. In doing so we will see that loving relationships are not about receiving love but giving love. The power to love effectively and consistently comes from the leading of the Holy Spirit. We must take action, but be distrustful of our own instincts and wisdom. Instead, be led by the Holy Spirit of God. God is the ultimate giver and author of love in both words and deeds. Our significance comes from God's love for us, not from our wife.

About the author

MATTHEW FRAY is a relationship coach, writer, and ""the man who coaches husbands on how to avoid divorce"" (New York Times). His writing has been featured in HuffPost, The Sunday Times, the New York Times, and many more. His blog Must Be This Tall To Ride has a dedicated following and has reached millions of readers.