Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me: Depression in the First Person

Anna Mehler Paperny

Mar 2020 · The Experiment, LLC

About this ebook

An engrossing memoir-meets-investigative report that takes a fresh, frank look at how we treat depression. Depression is a havoc-wreaking illness that masquerades as personal failing and hijacks your life. After a major suicide attempt in her early twenties, Anna Mehler Paperny resolved to put her reporter’s skills to use to get to know her enemy, setting off on a journey to understand her condition, the dizzying array of medical treatments on offer, and a medical profession in search of answers. Charting the way depression wrecks so many lives, she maps competing schools of therapy, pharmacology, cutting-edge medicine, the pill-popping pitfalls of long-term treatment, the glaring unknowns and the institutional shortcomings that both patients and practitioners are up against. She interviews leading medical experts across the US and Canada, from psychiatrists to neurologists, brain-mapping pioneers to family practitioners, and others dabbling in strange hypotheses—and shares compassionate conversations with fellow sufferers.

Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me tracks Anna’s quest for knowledge and her desire to get well. Impeccably reported, it is a profoundly compelling story about the human spirit and the myriad ways we treat (and fail to treat) the disease that accounts for more years swallowed up by disability than any other in the world.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, help is available. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Ratings and reviews

please make an Indonesian version

About the author

Anna Mehler Paperny is a Toronto-based reporter for Reuters. She’s chased down stories ranging from the opioid crisis to migration, from post-quake Haiti to Guantanamo Bay. She has also been a staff reporter at The Globe and Mail and a reporter-editor for Global News, where she developed globalnews.ca’s award-winning Investigative Data Desk. Her work on Canadian prison deaths won the RTDNA Dan McArthur Award for investigative journalism.