Everyone's favourite orphan-turned-storyteller Daniel Dorey is back - and heads below Tumblewater on his quest to find his sister. He unwittingly enrols in a very strange school, encountering a host of weird and wonderful characters - including for example Dr Bludger, who attacks corpses with an axe to give his students the opportunity to practise stitching. Other lessons are forgery, lock-picking, knife-wielding and still-life painting (with a twist). Will Daniel and his naughty schoolmates be able to put their grisly lessons into practice and help rescue his sister?
He may be football's latest superstar, but Mario Balotelli is just as famous off the pitch for his eccentricity and extraordinary antics. From the time he let off fireworks in his bathroom to the notorious bib incident, he's rarely out of the news.
But in his secret diary*, as we follow Mario through one turbulent football season and the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, we discover that the headlines only tell half the story. Whether he's hiding Silvio Berlusconi in his basement, patrolling the streets of Manchester as a caped crusader or trying to be the first Premiership footballer to go to the moon, the truth is stranger, and much funnier, than we could have expected.
*not the actual diary of Mario Balotelli
"The book being touted as this year's can't-miss, downstairs-loo-fixture of a dead-cert publishing-phenomenon-sensation"
"A very funny spoof of pop-science collections"
A venerable and historic newspaper, the Old Geezer is read and respected by the world's most conscientious, upright citizens. When these beacons of
respectability have serious questions, they turn to the Old Geezer's "Questions and Answers" page.
Do Ants Have Assholes? collects the enlightening answers to thought-provoking questions such as:If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do? How many men would it take to kill an elephant with their bare hands? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to drown? Are "crabs" related to crabs? What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open?
What's the riskiest game of risk ever played?
If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls?
Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?
The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact.
A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.