When I Am King...

Chet Haase
11
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When I am King... this book will be required reading. Until then, consider it important background reading on future social policy. And an excellent beer coaster.

With life comes life's many critical problems, such as:

  • Why are wedding ceremonies so very long, often outlasting the marriages themselves?
  • Why are we forced to celebrate wedding anniversaries, inevitably leading to stress, forgetfullness, guilt, anger, recriminations, and alimony?
  • We're constantly making mistakes in life and have no one to blame but ourselves. Why can't we hire someone to take the blame?
  • Why are women's showers so packed with bottles and substances that there's no room left for the people?
  • Why aren't newborn babies clearly labeled with their sex to avoid awkward assumptions by strangers?
  • Why are newborn stats reported in weight and length, like fish?

Fortunately, this manifesto exists to deal with these and other pressing problems that we all face in work, relationships, parenting, eating, and life overall.

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About the author

Chet lives and works in Silicon Valley, writing code for a living and comedy for fun. He hopes you enjoy reading it nearly as much as he enjoyed you buying it. You can see more of his humor online on his blog Enough about you... and you can follow him on Google+ or on Twitter via @chethaase.
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Additional Information

Publisher
Chet Haase
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Published on
Nov 26, 2008
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Pages
170
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ISBN
9781440466977
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Language
English
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Genres
Humor / Form / Essays
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Content Protection
This content is DRM protected.
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Read Aloud
Available on Android devices
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Filthy Rich Clients refers to ultra-graphically rich applications that ooze cool. They suck the user in from the outset and hang on to them with a death grip of excitement. Filthy Rich Clients: Developing Animated and Graphical Effects for Desktop Java™ Applications shows you how to build better, more effective, cooler desktop applications that intensify the user experience.

The keys to Filthy Rich Clients are graphical and animated effects. These kinds of effects provide ways of enhancing the user experience of the application through more attractive GUIs, dynamic effects that give your application a pulse, and animated transitions that keep your user connected to the logical flow of the application. The book also discusses how to do so effectively, making sure to enrich applications in sensible ways.

In-depth coverage includes

Graphics and GUI fundamentals: Dig deep into the internals of how Swing and Java 2D work together to display GUI applications onscreen. Learn how to maximize the flexibility of these libraries and use them most effectively. Performance: Follow in-depth discussions and tips throughout the book that will help you write high-performing GUI applications. Images: Understand how images are created and used to make better Java applications. Advanced graphics: Learn more about elements of Swing and Java 2D that are of particular benefit to Filthy Rich Clients. Animation: Discover general concepts of animation, as well as how to use the facilities provided in the Java platform. Learn new utility libraries that vastly simplify animations in Java. Effects: Learn how to create, customize, and use static and animated effects—the mainstays of Filthy Rich Clients.

Code examples illustrate key concepts, and the book’s companion Web site, http://filthyrichclients.org, includes extensive demos, utility libraries, additional information on related technologies, and more.

Informal, fun, and, most of all, useful, this book is great for any developer working with Java to build desktop applications.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

From stand-up comedian, actress, and breakout star of Girls Trip, Tiffany Haddish, comes The Last Black Unicorn, a sidesplitting, hysterical, edgy, and unflinching collection of (extremely) personal essays, as fearless as the author herself.

Growing up in one of the poorest neighborhoods of South Central Los Angeles, Tiffany learned to survive by making people laugh. If she could do that, then her classmates would let her copy their homework, the other foster kids she lived with wouldn’t beat her up, and she might even get a boyfriend. Or at least she could make enough money—as the paid school mascot and in-demand Bar Mitzvah hype woman—to get her hair and nails done, so then she might get a boyfriend.

None of that worked (and she’s still single), but it allowed Tiffany to imagine a place for herself where she could do something she loved for a living: comedy.

Tiffany can’t avoid being funny—it’s just who she is, whether she’s plotting shocking, jaw-dropping revenge on an ex-boyfriend or learning how to handle her newfound fame despite still having a broke person’s mind-set. Finally poised to become a household name, she recounts with heart and humor how she came from nothing and nowhere to achieve her dreams by owning, sharing, and using her pain to heal others.

By turns hilarious, filthy, and brutally honest, The Last Black Unicorn shows the world who Tiffany Haddish really is—humble, grateful, down-to-earth, and funny as hell. And now, she’s ready to inspire others through the power of laughter.
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The compelling, inspiring, and comically sublime story of one man’s coming-of-age, set during the twilight of apartheid and the tumultuous days of freedom that followed

NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY
Michiko Kakutani, New York Times • Newsday • Esquire • NPR • Booklist

Trevor Noah’s unlikely path from apartheid South Africa to the desk of The Daily Show began with a criminal act: his birth. Trevor was born to a white Swiss father and a black Xhosa mother at a time when such a union was punishable by five years in prison. Living proof of his parents’ indiscretion, Trevor was kept mostly indoors for the earliest years of his life, bound by the extreme and often absurd measures his mother took to hide him from a government that could, at any moment, steal him away. Finally liberated by the end of South Africa’s tyrannical white rule, Trevor and his mother set forth on a grand adventure, living openly and freely and embracing the opportunities won by a centuries-long struggle.

Born a Crime is the story of a mischievous young boy who grows into a restless young man as he struggles to find himself in a world where he was never supposed to exist. It is also the story of that young man’s relationship with his fearless, rebellious, and fervently religious mother—his teammate, a woman determined to save her son from the cycle of poverty, violence, and abuse that would ultimately threaten her own life.

The stories collected here are by turns hilarious, dramatic, and deeply affecting. Whether subsisting on caterpillars for dinner during hard times, being thrown from a moving car during an attempted kidnapping, or just trying to survive the life-and-death pitfalls of dating in high school, Trevor illuminates his curious world with an incisive wit and unflinching honesty. His stories weave together to form a moving and searingly funny portrait of a boy making his way through a damaged world in a dangerous time, armed only with a keen sense of humor and a mother’s unconventional, unconditional love.

Praise for Born a Crime

 “[A] compelling new memoir . . . By turns alarming, sad and funny, [Trevor Noah’s] book provides a harrowing look, through the prism of Mr. Noah’s family, at life in South Africa under apartheid. . . . Born a Crime is not just an unnerving account of growing up in South Africa under apartheid, but a love letter to the author’s remarkable mother.”—Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times

“[An] unforgettable memoir.”—Parade

 “What makes Born a Crime such a soul-nourishing pleasure, even with all its darker edges and perilous turns, is reading Noah recount in brisk, warmly conversational prose how he learned to negotiate his way through the bullying and ostracism. . . . What also helped was having a mother like Patricia Nombuyiselo Noah. . . . Consider Born a Crime another such gift to her—and an enormous gift to the rest of us.”—USA Today

“[Noah] thrives with the help of his astonishingly fearless mother. . . . Their fierce bond makes this story soar.”—People

“[Noah’s] electrifying memoir sparkles with funny stories . . . and his candid and compassionate essays deepen our perception of the complexities of race, gender, and class.”—Booklist (starred review)

“A gritty memoir . . . studded with insight and provocative social criticism . . . with flashes of brilliant storytelling and acute observations.”—Kirkus Reviews
200 years ago, white people told black folks, “‘I suggest you pick the cotton if you don’t like getting whipped.” Today, it’s “comply with police orders if you don’t want to get shot.”

Now legendary comedian/activist D. L. Hughley confronts and remixes white people’s “advice” in this “satirical but apt addition to the culture’s fraught conversation about race” (New York Times Book Review)

In America, a black man is three times more likely to be killed in encounters with police than a white guy. If only he had complied with the cop, he might be alive today, pundits say in the aftermath of the latest shooting of an unarmed black man. Or, Maybe he shouldn’t have worn that hoodie … or, moved more slowly … not been out so late … Wait, why are black people allowed to drive, anyway?

This isn’t a new phenomenon. White people have been giving “advice” to black folks for as long as anyone can remember, telling them how to pick cotton, where to sit on a bus, what neighborhood to live in, when they can vote, and how to wear our pants. Despite centuries of whites’ advice, it seems black people still aren’t listening, and the results are tragic.

Now, at last, activist, comedian, and New York Times bestselling author D. L. Hughley offers How Not to Get Shot, an illustrated how-to guide for black people, full of insight from white people, translated by one of the funniest black dudes on the planet. In these pages you will learn how to act, dress, speak, walk, and drive in the safest manner possible. You also will finally understand the white mind. It is a book that can save lives. Or at least laugh through the pain.

Black people: Are you ready to not get shot! White people: Do you want to learn how to help the cause? Let’s go!

Filthy Rich Clients refers to ultra-graphically rich applications that ooze cool. They suck the user in from the outset and hang on to them with a death grip of excitement. Filthy Rich Clients: Developing Animated and Graphical Effects for Desktop Java™ Applications shows you how to build better, more effective, cooler desktop applications that intensify the user experience.

The keys to Filthy Rich Clients are graphical and animated effects. These kinds of effects provide ways of enhancing the user experience of the application through more attractive GUIs, dynamic effects that give your application a pulse, and animated transitions that keep your user connected to the logical flow of the application. The book also discusses how to do so effectively, making sure to enrich applications in sensible ways.

In-depth coverage includes

Graphics and GUI fundamentals: Dig deep into the internals of how Swing and Java 2D work together to display GUI applications onscreen. Learn how to maximize the flexibility of these libraries and use them most effectively. Performance: Follow in-depth discussions and tips throughout the book that will help you write high-performing GUI applications. Images: Understand how images are created and used to make better Java applications. Advanced graphics: Learn more about elements of Swing and Java 2D that are of particular benefit to Filthy Rich Clients. Animation: Discover general concepts of animation, as well as how to use the facilities provided in the Java platform. Learn new utility libraries that vastly simplify animations in Java. Effects: Learn how to create, customize, and use static and animated effects—the mainstays of Filthy Rich Clients.

Code examples illustrate key concepts, and the book’s companion Web site, http://filthyrichclients.org, includes extensive demos, utility libraries, additional information on related technologies, and more.

Informal, fun, and, most of all, useful, this book is great for any developer working with Java to build desktop applications.

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