I will breathe his air, but I won’t fall for a man like him. The only boxer who’s ever going to break my heart is the one who gave me my name.
~ ~ ~
If I met Alexandra DeLuca for the first time today, I would only need one word to describe her:
She's everything she was when we said goodbye. Beautiful, stubborn, sweet...and off-limits.
After two years leading separate lives, our worlds have collided. Now that she's back home working and taking classes beside me, she's bound to make me lose my mind.
She's all I've ever wanted, all I've ever dreamed of, and the one thing I can never have.
Not because she's my best friend's sister.
Not because all four DeLuca brothers would come at me with fists swinging if I hurt her.
Not even because she's way better than I will ever deserve.
I keep my distance because we didn't meet for the first time today. We met five years ago when I was a different person. When my demons ruled me. Even though I've changed--even though I've gotten my life together and become a better man—I can't change the past. And the secrets that haunt me would destroy her.
But I'm not the only one with secrets, and when the truth comes out, I don't know where to turn. What do you do when your world washes away beneath your feet and you feel like you're drowning? What do you do when the woman you promised yourself you'd never touch is the only thing that can keep you from going under?
GOING UNDER is a standalone novel and the third in The Blackhawk Boys series.
Football. Secrets. Lies. Passion. These boys don’t play fair. Which Blackhawk Boy will steal your heart?
Book 1 - SPINNING OUT (Arrow's story)
Book 2 - RUSHING IN (Christopher's story)
Book 3 - GOING UNDER (Sebastian's story)
Book 4 – FALLING HARD (Keegan's story)
Book 5 – IN TOO DEEP (Mason's story)
Book 1 - This Is Falling
Two years had passed since I was the Rowe Stanton from before, since tragedy stole my youth and my heart went along with it. When I left for college, I was going to cross back to the other side, to live with the living. I just didn’t know how. And then I met Nate Preeter. An All-American baseball player, Nate showed me everything I'd been missing. And then he showed me how to fall.
Book 2 - You and Everything After
I'm Tyson Preeter: strong, intelligent—arrogant. Since losing my ability to walk six years ago, I relearned life. I don't do sympathy, don't want charity and don't need love. But Cass Owens is about to wreck everything. She's about to steal my strength because she needs it more. She's about to break my rules, then tear down my walls.
She's about to own me, completely.
And I'm about to let her.
Book 3 - The Girl I Was Before
The selfish one. I suppose that’s the nicest thing people say about me. But I’m ready to make the hard choices and face the consequences. I’m ready to be the girl I was before, and I’m done being the one who lost her way. I’m ready to become the Paige Owens the Houston Orr sees when he looks at me. Loving him wasn't part of my plan, but it happened anyway. I'm starting to think plans are overrated.
I am desperate. For you. For touch. For a kiss. For the scrape of your hand down my stomach. For the slide of your lips across my hipbone. The sweep of your thigh against mine in the dulcet, drowning darkness. For the warm huff of your breath on my skin and the wet suck of your mouth around me and the building pressure of need reaching release...I am mad with need.
Wild with it.
I cannot have you. I have lost you, as I have lost myself.
And so I go in search. Of myself, and thus the man who might return to you, and take you in his arms.
I loathe each of the thousands of miles between us, but I cannot wish them away, for I hope at the end of my journey I shall find you. Or rather, find myself, and thus…you. Myself, and thus us.
I am taking the long way home, Ava.
* * *
I’m losing my mind, and I don’t know how to stop it. I shouldn’t be writing to you, but I am. I’m friendless, loveless, and lifeless. You’re out there somewhere, and still you’re all I really have. I hate my reliance and dependence on you, emotionally and otherwise, and that reliance is something I’m coming to recognize. I hate that I can’t hate you as much as I want to. I hate that I still love you so much.
I hate that there’s no clear solution to our conundrum. Even if we could forgive each other, what then?
I hate you, Christian. I really do.
But most of all, I don’t.
Complicatedly (still) yours,