How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items

Jason Offutt

Jan 2015 · Permuted Press

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 The human race is an endangered species. Vampires, werewolves, Bigfoot, and killer robots – they’re all trying to kill us. Killer robots even have the word “killer” in their name. Can it get more obvious? We need to rid the world of these monsters before they rid the world of us. All of them. But these monsters aren’t real, right? Wrong, and you’re dead.

These creatures wander the periphery of our reality, waiting for a moment of weakness, and then attack while we’re home alone in our underwear. “How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a guidebook on how to rid your life of these monsters before they kill you, so sharpen that machete and gas up the weed whacker, folks.

Each chapter contains:

·      How to identify the monster

·      Who’s going to help you kill it

·      Your arsenal and where to keep it (kitchen, bathroom, living room, garage, etc.).

·      Behavior of the monster while you’re trying to kill it

·      Disposing of the body

·      Monster powers

·      Monster weaknesses

·      How to avoid the monster

“How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a must have home defense guide for the do-it-yourself slayer. After using this book, you too can understand that setting gnomes on fire with a Bic lighter and a can of Aqua Net is funny.

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 Jason Offutt has been a newspaper reporter, magazine editor, sports photographer, bartender, farmhand, and the mayor of a Midwest small town. He teaches college journalism in Northwest Missouri where he keeps the world safe from the forces of evil. His books include the novel “A Funeral Story,” and the nonfiction titles, “Haunted Missouri,” “Darkness Walks: The shadow people among us,” “What Lurks Beyond: The paranormal in your backyard,” “Paranormal Missouri,” and “Across A Corn-Swept Land: An epic beer run through the Upper Midwest.”