Change: What Really Leads to Lasting Personal Transformation

Jeffrey A. Kottler

Oct 2013 · Oxford University Press

About this ebook

Change is often a mystery, one that baffles doctors, therapists, teachers, coaches, parents--and especially those of us who struggle to alter our own bad habits or make lasting improvements in our lives. Why do we suddenly change for the better after years of failed efforts? Why do some of us never escape our self-destructive behaviors, even when we desperately want to? What is it that most reliably and effectively produces growth, learning, and development that persist over time? In this vividly written volume, psychotherapist Jeffrey Kottler weaves together inspiring stories and the latest research, taking the reader on a fascinating exploration of human behavior while highlighting what does--and does not--lead to lasting change. Kottler illuminates our many efforts to change--to stop taking drugs, reduce dependencies, leave a destructive relationship, find new and more meaningful work, or adjust to a devastating accident or trauma. Readers are invited to explore key triggers such as hitting bottom, moments of clarity, the power of altruism and service, travel to new surroundings, reading or listening to stories, religious conversion, and much more. Kottler also explores why most changes don't last and what we can do to prevent relapses. Throughout the book, Kottler recounts stories of colleagues and patients--and even recalls episodes from his own life-often moving tales of remarkable, unexpected, and lasting transformation. He looks, for instance, at a young black basketball star, confined to a wheelchair for life after being shot four times, who turned his life around, becoming a scholar and a PhD. An intriguing glimpse into the complexity of the human psyche, Change will engage anyone who has ever struggled to alter a habit, enrich relationships, recover from disappointment or failure, strive for more meaningful and productive work, deal with anxiety, loneliness, fears, stress, and depression, or transform their lives in any kind of significant way.

Ratings and reviews

BOTTOM-LINE: It gave me the courage to get unstuck after 30 years . PLOT OR PREMISE: Kottler reflects on the literature and personal experiences as a psychologist about the elements that lead people to not only make changes in their life but also sustain those changes over the long-term . WHAT I LIKED: I had the pleasure of hearing Kottler speak as an honoured guest at my wife's university graduation ceremony, and he intrigued me enough on the subject of "change" -- what we know and what we don't know -- that I bought his book. It was the perfect book for me at this point in my life, as I've been wanting to make a significant change that has been holding me back for at least 30 years. I'm great at the day to day goal-setting stuff, but I needed to understand large scale change on a deeper level, and this book was ideal for that education. At the beginning, I was struck by a central question -- when does an alteration in attitudes, beliefs, behaviour, thinking, or feeling “count” as change, and how long does it have to last in order to qualify? In shorter terms, when does a temporary change become permanent and sustainable? Chapter 2 was an eye-opener -- hidden benefits from my current approach that resist change. Not the obvious ones but more internal ones that might even seem like positive traits in someone (being strong, standing up for oneself disguising some issues with temper, for instance). And some baby step coping techniques. Chapter 3 dealt more with the conditions that allow you to transition from temporary to permanent change, almost pre-conditions in some cases. Other chapters were relatively straight-forward: the power of story-telling (chapter 4); hitting bottom in various forms (chapter 5); how you react to trauma and whether it can be a positive catalyst (chapter 6); the limits to psychotherapy (chapter 7); change through physical travel or spiritual journeys (chapter 8); moments of clarity (chapter 9); and resolving conflicts in relationships (chapter 13). The last chapter -- Why Changes Don't Often Last (Chapter 14) -- was one that I was most looking forward in the book, and while he goes into various spins and examples, most of it seems to come down to varying forms of fear. It certainly did for me, and I find the chapter fantastic for presenting it quite concisely. In the end, the price of the book is worth it just to get the 7 pages at the end, if you have time for nothing else (308-315). I managed to use it create a six-part "to do" list / game plan for the change that I've been wanting to make, and for the first time in my life, I'm doing it. I'm six months in and it seems to be holding. It'll take another 18 months to "finish", but the book helped me get there. Onward to the journey! . WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE: Several chapters didn't really sing as well as the rest. Being happy (chapter 11) and transformation while helping others (12) were relatively bland, and a chapter on the importance of social capital (chapter 10) seemed almost like an afterthought. . DISCLOSURE: I received no compensation, not even a free copy, in exchange for this review. I am not personal friends with the author, nor do I follow him on social media.

About the author

Jeffrey A. Kottler is one of the foremost authorities and prolific writers in the fields of counseling, psychology, and education. He is the best-selling author of more than 80 nonfiction books that deal with a wide range of subjects, including a variety of contemporary issues related to helping and healing, truth and lies, creativity, transformative travel, and stress management. He is Professor of Counseling at California State University, Fullerton, and President of Empower Nepali Girls, an organization that provides scholarships for at-risk children in Nepal.