Bite Me:: A parrot, a family, and a whole lot of flesh wounds

Jenny Gardiner Books
Free sample

 **Author's note: Dear readers: this is a reissue of my memoir "Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who's Determined to Kill Me". I have always wanted to offer the digital version of this book at an affordable rate and have finally gotten the rights back to my book to do so. With this I changed the title and the cover. Hope you enjoy! 


A gift from an overseas relative, Graycie, an African Grey parrot, arrives in the Gardiner home not long after the birth of their first child, adding the responsibilities of parrot-hood to their newfound parenthood. Jenny Gardiner and her husband were hoping for a docile, beautifully plumed, Polly-want-a-cracker type of companion—but patchily feathered, scrawny, ill-tempered Graycie was the furthest thing from what they envisioned.. 

In Winging It , Gardiner shares in vivid and hilarious detail the many hazards of parrot ownership, from endless avian latrine duty to discovering the multiple ways a beak can pierce human flesh. Whether she’s swearing at the dog, mimicking the sound of the smoke alarm, or bobbing to the beat of the kids clapping for her amusement, she brings the family joy, laughter, and, sometimes, tears. So why would the Gardiners subject themselves to the crazy behavior of this parrot for so long? Well, because, as the Gardiners realize, Graycie is a part of the family, and just like in any relationship between living creatures, things do not always go according to plan.. 

A mix of hilarious pet hijinks and a poignant story of family commitment, Winging It is a reminder of the importance of patience, loyalty, and humor when it comes to dealing with even the most temperamental members of the family.

Keywords: Memoir, pets, parrots, African Grey, family issues, women, marriage

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About the author

 Jenny Gardiner is an award-winning #1 Kindle bestselling author who has published twelve novels, a memoir, and a collection of essays. Her work has been found in Ladies Home Journal, the Washington Post, Marie-Claire.com, and on National Public Radio. She’s the volunteer coordinator for the Virginia Film Festival. She has worked as a publicist for a United States senator, and as a freelance photographer, photographing such notable public figures as Prince Charles, Elizabeth Taylor, and the President of Uganda. She also serves as the volunteer coordinator for the Virginia Film Festival for five years. 

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Additional Information

Publisher
Jenny Gardiner Books
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Published on
Mar 16, 2010
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Pages
155
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Language
English
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Genres
Biography & Autobiography / Personal Memoirs
Family & Relationships / Activities
Family & Relationships / Marriage & Long Term Relationships
Humor / Topic / Marriage & Family
Pets / Birds
Pets / Essays & Narratives
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Content Protection
This content is DRM free.
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Available on Android devices
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It's all fun and royal games until somebody's heart gets hurt 

In his line of work, royal heir Darcy Squires-Thornton has always been content playing second fiddle to close friend Prince Adrian, and happy, too, with whatever brief romantic encounters come his way. Especially one with carefree Caroline McKenzie, whose best friend is engaged to the prince. Fun-loving Caroline McKenzie's motto has always been "love the one you're with". But when the one she's no longer with is the one with whom she's fallen in love, what's a girl an ocean away to do? 

What people are saying about Jenny Gardiner's books: 

"A fun, sassy read! A cross between Erma Bombeck and Candace Bushnell, reading Jenny Gardiner is like sinking your teeth into a chocolate cupcake…you just want more." 
--Meg Cabot, NY Times bestselling author of Princess Diaries, Queen of Babble and more, on Sleeping with Ward Cleaver 

"As Sweet as a song and sharp as a beak, Bite Me really soars as a memoir about family--children and husbands, feathers and fur--and our capacity to keep loving though life may occasionally bite." 
--Wade Rouse, bestselling author of At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream 

"With a strong yet delightfully vulnerable voice, food critic Abbie Jennings embarks on a soulful journey where her love for banana cream pie and disdain for ill-fitting Spanx clash in hilarious and heartbreaking ways. As her body balloons and her personal life crumbles, Abbie must face the pain and secret fears she's held inside for far too long. I cheered for her the entire way." 
--Beth Hoffman, NY Times bestselling author of Saving CeeCee Honeycutt on Slim to None 

"Jenny Gardiner has done it again--this fun, fast-paced book is a great summer read." 
--Sarah Pekkanen, NY Times bestselling author of The Opposite of Me, on Slim to None

Keywords: romantic comedy, humor, contemporary romance, modern fairy tale, new adult, Royalty, nobility, prince, aristocrat, , heir, peerage, monarch, Europe, wealthy, Playboy, rich, millionaire, international, vacation, romance, love, chick lit, chicklit, series, wedding, marriage

Sometimes you can let your heir down a little too much… 

When wild-child Prince Alexander goes on a naked bender in a Vegas swimming pool, cocktail waitress Andi McDonough decides to preserve a shot of those family jewels on her phone. But when she’s fired for capturing the royal treasures, she heads off to find herself. After backpacking the world-over on a dime and a prayer, she finds herself in Rome, where a chance encounter with the wayward prince only reinforces to her that Prince Zander is indeed bad to the throne. And more than likely to her fragile heart as well.

What people are saying about Jenny Gardiner's books: 

"A fun, sassy read! A cross between Erma Bombeck and Candace Bushnell, reading Jenny Gardiner is like sinking your teeth into a chocolate cupcake…you just want more." 
--Meg Cabot, NY Times bestselling author of Princess Diaries, Queen of Babble and more, on Sleeping with Ward Cleaver 

"As Sweet as a song and sharp as a beak, Bite Me really soars as a memoir about family--children and husbands, feathers and fur--and our capacity to keep loving though life may occasionally bite." 
--Wade Rouse, bestselling author of At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream 

"With a strong yet delightfully vulnerable voice, food critic Abbie Jennings embarks on a soulful journey where her love for banana cream pie and disdain for ill-fitting Spanx clash in hilarious and heartbreaking ways. As her body balloons and her personal life crumbles, Abbie must face the pain and secret fears she's held inside for far too long. I cheered for her the entire way." 
--Beth Hoffman, NY Times bestselling author of Saving CeeCee Honeycutt on Slim to None 

"Jenny Gardiner has done it again--this fun, fast-paced book is a great summer read." 
--Sarah Pekkanen, NY Times bestselling author of The Opposite of Me, on Slim to None

Keywords: romantic comedy, humor, contemporary romance, modern fairy tale, new adult, Royalty, nobility, prince, aristocrat, , heir, peerage, monarch, Europe, wealthy, Playboy, rich, millionaire, international, vacation, romance, love, chick lit, chicklit, series, wedding, marriage


The #1 New York Times Bestseller

A hilarious, thoughtful, and in-depth exploration of the pleasures and perils of modern romance from Aziz Ansari, the star of Master of None and one of this generation’s sharpest comedic voices

At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?

Some of our problems are unique to our time. “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?” “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite snack foods? Combos?!” “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan. Who’s Nathan? Did he just send her a photo of his penis? Should I check just to be sure?” 

But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone. In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically. A few decades ago, people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood. Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid, all by the time they were twenty-four. Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.

For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided he needed to take things to another level. He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita. They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages. They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer. The result is unlike any social science or humor book we’ve seen before.

In Modern Romance, Ansari combines his irreverent humor with cutting-edge social science to give us an unforgettable tour of our new romantic world.
It's all fun and royal games until somebody's heart gets hurt 

In his line of work, royal heir Darcy Squires-Thornton has always been content playing second fiddle to close friend Prince Adrian, and happy, too, with whatever brief romantic encounters come his way. Especially one with carefree Caroline McKenzie, whose best friend is engaged to the prince. Fun-loving Caroline McKenzie's motto has always been "love the one you're with". But when the one she's no longer with is the one with whom she's fallen in love, what's a girl an ocean away to do? 

What people are saying about Jenny Gardiner's books: 

"A fun, sassy read! A cross between Erma Bombeck and Candace Bushnell, reading Jenny Gardiner is like sinking your teeth into a chocolate cupcake…you just want more." 
--Meg Cabot, NY Times bestselling author of Princess Diaries, Queen of Babble and more, on Sleeping with Ward Cleaver 

"As Sweet as a song and sharp as a beak, Bite Me really soars as a memoir about family--children and husbands, feathers and fur--and our capacity to keep loving though life may occasionally bite." 
--Wade Rouse, bestselling author of At Least in the City Someone Would Hear Me Scream 

"With a strong yet delightfully vulnerable voice, food critic Abbie Jennings embarks on a soulful journey where her love for banana cream pie and disdain for ill-fitting Spanx clash in hilarious and heartbreaking ways. As her body balloons and her personal life crumbles, Abbie must face the pain and secret fears she's held inside for far too long. I cheered for her the entire way." 
--Beth Hoffman, NY Times bestselling author of Saving CeeCee Honeycutt on Slim to None 

"Jenny Gardiner has done it again--this fun, fast-paced book is a great summer read." 
--Sarah Pekkanen, NY Times bestselling author of The Opposite of Me, on Slim to None

Keywords: romantic comedy, humor, contemporary romance, modern fairy tale, new adult, Royalty, nobility, prince, aristocrat, , heir, peerage, monarch, Europe, wealthy, Playboy, rich, millionaire, international, vacation, romance, love, chick lit, chicklit, series, wedding, marriage

…Who needs a spoon when he’s so finger lickin’ good?

Celebrity TV show host Sophie Pellegrino’s life needs a little kick-start. Watching her best friend fall head-over-heels for a handsome Italian man had already stirred up Sophie’s longings to at the very least get in touch with her Italian roots. She’d be even happier if she could get in touch with an Italian man while she was at it. Preferably while drinking plenty of delicious Italian wine. When she lands her dream assignment hosting a “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous” type of show, she seizes the opportunity to attempt all of the above when she decides to take her show in the road to the world-renowned vineyard Cantine Marchesi Romeo in Chianti. Italy? Check. Fine wine? Check. Italian man? With some luck, maybe she could find herself a Romeo playmate and score her own personal hat trick while basking beneath the Tuscan sun.

Lorenzo Romeo, a playboy whose friends liked to joke that he put the “roam” in Romeo, is tired of being used as the face of Romeo wines. For too long, his brother Alessandro has made Lorenzo serve as the mouthpiece for the family empire, and he’s over being just another pretty face to sell wine. He wants to be taken seriously. So when an American woman shows up wanting to capitalize on his good looks to score some television ratings, he wants nothing to do with her show or her. And when his brother forces him to be a gracious host, Lorenzo digs deep to shun the stunning intruder who is clearly intent on making his life a living hell.

Too bad for him, Sophie’s not going to let some conceited Italian Alpha Dog get in the way of her professional success, even if that means running roughshod over his bloated ego, and maybe even his fragile heart. 

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