You Can Keep That to Yourself: A Comprehensive List of What Not to Say to Black People, for Well-Intentioned People of Pallor

Adam Smyer

Σεπ 2020 · Akashic Books

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“An alphabetized short list of things not to say to African-Americans . . . Smyer’s hilarious sampler offers astute observations on race and culture.” —Publishers Weekly

Greetings, well-intentioned person of pallor!

Your good intentions used to be enough. But in these diverse and divisive times, some people would hold you accountable for your actions. You were not raised for such unfairness. You need help. Now, Daquan—that black coworker you are referring to when you claim to have black friends—is here to give you that help, as you navigate perilous small talk with African Americans.

How to use: Whenever you are confronted with an African American and you feel compelled to blurt out an observation about her hair or to liken your Tesla lease to slavery, take a moment to consult this reference. If the keen insight you want to share is listed herein . . . you can keep that to yourself.

“By turns funny, sarcastic, and possibly true for many Black (and non-Black) Americans . . . While there is humor throughout, there is also a strong sense of anger, annoyance, and weariness when it comes to the Black experience in America. And though Smyer is addressing white people specifically, his humor can be appreciated by anyone who needs a good chuckle (and an education).” —Library Journal

“A balm for tongues bitten and comments swallowed . . . A bitingly humorous compendium of the absurd subtle racism of the American workplace.” —Kirkus Reviews

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ADAM SMYER is an attorney, martial artist, and mediocre bass player. His nonfiction has appeared in the Johannesburg Review of Books, and his debut novel, Knucklehead (Akashic Books), was the sole title short-listed for the 2018 Ernest J. Gaines Award for Literary Excellence. Smyer lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and cats.